I'm so sorry, Katrina. I agree with everyone, you need to get RTX. To me your post didn't say that anyone had suggested putting you back on CTX, just that you were dreading "the talk".... it is normal to dread the unknown sometimes. I'm sure that since you have seen Dr. Seo, and if your local docs are in touch with him, then the right choice will be made not to put you back on CTX and getting you started on RTX. This may happen to me someday, too, and since I have never taken RTX, I will likely have some anxieties about it no matter what. This is human nature. Best of luck, and let us know what happens.