About empathy..

[katarzena]

I wanted to share with you guys a little story about me when I was first diagnosed. I was completely depressed, lost, confused and just wanted to die. I pictured myself that I'll be fat with thin arms and legs, have huge bald head, lose vision and hearing and just go crazy. Geesh it was horrible. I only thought about negative things. At that time (6 months ago) I lost my best friend (I still don't know why we aren't friends anymore) and the other friend died from carbon monoxide poisoning.
My sister kept telling me that I'm insane, why arent I going out? What's wrong with me, I am sick and antisocial. She mad me cry a lot when I was at my lowest point. Even now when I'm feeling much better I can't forgive her for the torture she let me go through, her and I will hardly ever be close as we were before because I hardly forgive when being mollested from someone so close to you.
I wanted to say something about how, in the beginning, I lost empathy towards other. Now I think that's normal with patients newly diagnosed. I was so angry and full of rage that I couldn't stand people moaning about things, like headaches, stomachaches, even when they were sad when a close person died. I turned into a complete bitch and thought; how can you come to me and moan about such unimportant things when I'm dying? That's exactly what I thought.
What I wanted to say is that I believe it's normal to act (well mostly ;D ) that way when you're newly diagnosed. Who wouldn't be mad when diagnosed with such disease?!
I must say a lot of things that were happening int he past half of a year made me stronger and at some point I simply decided to think positively. It was hard and a complete roller coaster of emotions but I think I'm succsseeding.
In two months I'll be done with my 6 month IV cylo. I'll be put on Imuran (most likely) and lower prednisone (I am currently at 10mg) and I stick to thinking that all of it will soon be done. There's not much else I can do, right?
I just wanted to say to all newly diagnosed people to be strong, cry when they feel like crying, but know that you will get through this just like many other people did before you!

Cheers =*