Funny Stuff

[Daggar]

With apologies to those of us who are blond, who were blond,
or who might become blond......



The Grandmother of all Blond Jokes

This blond decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these
blond jokes and how all

blonds are perceived as stupid. So, she
decides to show her husband that blonds really are smart.

While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to
paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her
husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task

at hand.

Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of
paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the
floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a heavy
parka and a leather jacket at the same time. He goes over and asks
her if she if OK. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing and she
replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are
dumb, and she wanted to do it by painting the house.

He then asks her why she has a parka over her leather jacket. She
replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and it
Said...

You'll love this...

I know you will...
.
..
..
..
"FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS."

[drz]

The blonde jokes are funny but here is a post proving that such people do actually exist and they live among us. SO some day when you are having a prednisone moment, or the brain has a bubble because of low hemoglobin, or you can't focus because of hypoglycemia---think of the following true stories:

THEY WALK AMONG US…

IDIOT SIGHTING
I handed the teller at my bank, a withdrawal slip for $400.00
I said "May I have large bills, please"
She looked at me and said
"I'm sorry sir, all the bills are the same size."
When I got up off the floor I explained it to her....

IDIOT SIGHTING
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our
car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the
service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the
driver side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively
tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.
'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'it's open!'
His reply: 'I know. I already got that side.'
This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, MS

IDIOT SIGHTING
We had to have the garage door repaired.
The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.
He shook his head and said,
'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.'
I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4.
He said, 'NO, it's not…four is larger than two.'
We haven't used Sears repair since.

IDIOT SIGHTING
My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill.
Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter.
She said, 'You gave me too much money.'
I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back.
She sighed and went to get the manager, who asked me to repeat my request.
I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said
'We're sorry but we could not do that kind of thing.'
The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.
Do not confuse the clerks at Mickie-D's.

IDIOT SIGHTING
I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road.
The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'
From Kingman, KS

IDIOT SIGHTING
I was at the airport checking in at the gate, when an airport employee asked,
'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?'
To which I replied,
'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?'
He smiled knowingly and nodded,
'That's why we ask.'
Happened in Birmingham, Ala.

IDIOT SIGHTING
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
Appalled, she responded,
'What on earth are blind people doing driving?'
She was a probation officer in Wichita, KS

IDIOT SIGHTING
At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who was leaving the company due to 'downsizing,' our manager commented cheerfully,
'This is fun. We should do this more often.'
Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.
This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.

IDIOT SIGHTING
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.
A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office, no less.

IDIOT SIGHTING
How would you pronounce this child's name…"Le-a"?
Leah??
NO
Lee-A??
NOPE
Lay-a??
NO
Lei??
Guess Again. This child attends a school in Kansas City, Mo.
Her mother is irate because everyone is getting her name wrong. It's pronounced "Ledasha".
When the Mother was asked about the pronunciation of the name, she said,
"The dash don't be silent."
SO, if you see something come across your desk like this please remember to pronounce the dash.
If dey axe you why, tell dem de dash don't be silent.

STAY ALERT!
They walk among us...and they VOTE AND HAVE CHILREN!!!!!

[jola57]

drz, you'r a sweetheart, this had me going for a while

[drz]

“Did you lose a cat?"


This is probably one of the most amazing picture of 2010!!!
The pix disappeared. don't know what happened to it.

[marta]

Silly and funny and a good waste of a couple of minutes...

YouTube - Funny Talking Animals - Walk On The Wild Side - Episode Three Preview - BBC One

[Ginger]

One day an old German Shepherd starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a panther heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.
The old German Shepherd thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!"
Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the panther is about to leap, the old German Shepherd exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious panther! I wonder, if there are any more around here?"
Hearing this, the young panther halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees.


"Whew!," says the panther, "That was close! That old German Shepherd nearly had me!"
Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the panther. So, off he goes.
The squirrel soon catches up with the panther, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the panther.
The young panther is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!"
Now, the old German Shepherd sees the panther coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?," but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old German Shepherd says...
"Where's that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another panther!"

Moral of this story...
Don't mess with the old dogs... Age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery!
BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.

OMG! drz, do you live in alberta? i read that in the newsy neighbor! i love that story, made my day

[Sangye]

I love this!

[drz]

Laugh Of The Day

An elderly man in Texas had owned a large farm for several years. He
had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he
fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and
peach trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he
hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five-gallon
bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices
shouting and laughing with glee..

As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in
his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the
deep end. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you
leave!"

The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim
naked or make you get out of the pond naked." Holding the bucket up he
said, 'I'm here to feed the alligator.'

... Some old men can still think fast

[Palmyra]

YouTube - Goat Jumping On Bed Fail

just silly and cute...

[Ginger]

Hey Dad.... this is for you -- not that you are a senior yet. This is such a "weggie" moment...

A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbour and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."

Her neighbour asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The little silver haired lady says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."

Her neighbour decides to go over and help with the puzzle.

She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,

"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."

He takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then," he said with a deep sigh ............


(scroll down)









"Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."

cf.jpg