Two weeks before my 26th birthday (which was about 2 weeks ago), my mom passed away from her battle with cancer. She told me about her cancer (of the lung) almost exactly a year before the day she died. It was Stage 3 and serious but she was tolerating her treatment fairly well. Her cancer didn't seem to be spreading but it wasn't going away either. She passed away in her sleep and we think it was likely a blood clot in her lung that caused her sudden death. I had about a year to come to terms with her being sick and I thought I knew what I was in for. I thought we would have more time. I told myself I knew she could die but I don't think I ever really believed it. I wish I did so many things differently in the last year of her life. She really was my best friend and I wish I had done a better job of being there for her. It was so hard to see her suffering and I think she was very afraid. At least, with her passing suddenly, it probably minimized the pain and anguish she had to feel in her life. I'm grateful for that but I miss her so much and I am trying not to focus on my regrets. She was such a huge part of my life and she was my biggest fan, best confidant, and the rock in my life when it came to my health problems. She spent countless hours researching autoimmune illnesses when I was first showing my strange symptoms in high school. She would quote studies to my doctors or test out theories with them. She talked me through the emotional aspects of my illness and paid extra money for me to get my hair done when I was 17 and was feeling down about prednisone's moon face, acne, and weight gain. She probably read this forum because I know she knew about it and I know she donated money to it at some point. She is the greatest woman I've ever known and my world feels completely different without her. To say I'm devastated is really an understatement. It's been a month already and I still feel like I'm moving in slow motion.
All that said, between this and my Wegeners, I don't think I can continue with my full time job. I work in a grants administration office in a medical school and I was thinking about leaving in the past year already. I really want to focus on careers in writing (of any kind, I just love to write) and I have been having trouble finding full time jobs in those areas. It seems a lot of people start with contract work and part time work to build experience and then transition into full time roles. What I want most right now is to move back to my parent's house and live there for awhile, the plan right now is to stay there for a year and see where I'm at next summer. I can help my dad maintain their large house and go through some of my mom's things and, in exchange, he wouldn't charge me rent. So, I think now is the best time for me to try doing contract and part time writing work to build up experience in the field I really want to work in. My only problem with this is I would likely need to buy my own health insurance. I'm hoping some of you can provide advice about self-employment or buying your own health insurance. Has anyone done this? Has it provided any obstacles for you in terms of maintaining high quality health care? I am in the U.S. so I'm particularly interested in those of you who live in America. I know healthcare can vary greatly between countries. I'm a little scared about making this leap but I think it's both what I need and what I want right now. As you all know, however, it's very important for the chronically ill to have good health insurance. The main hurdle I see at this point is being disappointed in the health care options available for me if I choose to go this route. Please let me know if you have any advice! (or know of any writing contract jobs )
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