Hey, I just wanted to say thank you ALL of you who posted, and for Miranda who went out on a limb and asked this question.

I am 29 years old and had a bad reaction to Rituximab, and so had to go on Cytoxan a second time. I was only on it 1 year total, and seven years of Methotrexate total. When the doc said I was "in menopause" last year I completely and utterly devastated. I had wanted a family so badly-- more than anything I wanted to give my husband children and raise them! And give my parents grandchildren.

It's amazing how I had felt so strong having survived Wegeners, unphased even, accepting my life as it was, and my "second chance" God gave me. But the moment they told me that... all the "puzzle pieces" of menopause came together and I just lost it! It was like I'd lost my best friend... and the little ones in my dreams!

If any of you have seen "Steel Magnolias"... I was Sally Fields in the funeral scene. That was me to a T. All the stages of grief flashed out, and I couldn't believe myself or how terrible I felt and thought.

Yet I knew it was coming, as it comes for all women. I just didn't know how emotional I would get. At age 28-29, all my friends and my close family (girl cousins) are pregnant with multiple children. So just MENTION the word pad or period and I'd cry.

But while I'm feeling this and experiencing this... and the challenges there is a hope that these other members have already expressed.

Miranda, since you're picture shows a cross, I feel it would be permissible even with the forum rules, to write to you about what my hope looks like.

Every time I get lost in a sea of grief, I think about Sarah and Hannah. I remember that I believe in a God who can create something out of nothing, and even open wombs that are shut. Like, REALLY shut! haha. And I thank the Lord that he put those stories in the Word, because without them it'd be hard connect that hope to my personal situation, or to believe that it is right to hope for something specifically. And yet it is! Even if I adopt or foster, or donate my lifes work to children, it's just knowing that God is in control, and that i can trust Him with my petitions for pregnancy with my husband's children and know that God hears it and takes all of it to heart... it comforts me in a way that NOTHING else can comfort me. And I have to remind myself of it often, else I veer off track into that despairing grief.

I apologize for the length of this post, but I want Miranda to know-- no she is not alone. I am here, standing with you.

And I'm KEEPING my hope chest of things I've collected for baby.

If I am blessed with a child, or whatever happens, I will come back and tell the support forum. Because miracles do happen. Thank God for them!