Methotrexate isn't working. I am more sick than ever. I am nauseous all the time, I have no appetite, I am lethargic and confused. I am forgetful and stutter. It's not working. Of course, the confusion and forgetfulness never happen with the doc nearby so they never take that seriously. I am over it. I have had abdominal pain through the last three injections I've given myself that is awful. It's definitely my body trying to say that something is very wrong.
So I asked my rheumy about Rituxan because I know someone who has similar disease involvement to mine and she did them. I know I am a more mild case of Wegener's but at this point I am more miserable on the medication than off! That stuff I can deal with.
Today I had an epic 15 minute nose bleed. Seriously?!
My doctor is hesitant. She says there are VERY serious side effects and reactions. She wants to discuss them with me. I looked up the drug and of course there's the usual "side effects include: death" but this also seemed more scary than the usual side effects list.
Should I be worried? I am thinking an infusion every couple of weeks is MUCH better than this weekly injection of nastiness that makes me ill for 4-5 days before I turn around and do it again.

I honestly hate everything about my life at the moment. I hate how I feel. Right now, all I want to do is go lie down. I'm dizzy, I am having awful heart palpitations that are making me lightheaded, I can't turn my head all that much or get dizzy. I am so exhausted and run down. I can't deal. I want to cry. Like ... for real, cry.