pberggren memorial thread

[Alysia]

Today, 2 years ago, July 20, started in a magical place, romantic condo in Canmore, and ended after many scary & rough hours in the deathtrap called: "Foothills Medical Center". It was the beginning of the end.... the grey clouds should have told me that my sweet sunshine is in danger...

My beautiful Phil and me were supposed to drive back to Swift Current. I woke up very early, no idea why. My sweetie needed his morning's irigating and nebulising. He also tried the exercises that his new respiratory therapist gave him with the 'acapella device'.

Later we asked if the device might have triggered the lung to collapse. We got negative answers. I have my doubts. Weggies friends, please be careful. I think that the lungs are like a balloon and Phil's were very fragile so that the acapella device made worse the hole that was already there, but we didnt know... only later, X-ray from June showed that the lung started to collapse then.

WG is creating holes. Not only the hole in the nose. We know about cases of holes in lungs, mouth, colon. Docs dont take this into account. If this info can help any weggie friend, may it be a tribute to my beautiful dr. Phil.

So Phil was nebulizing and then suddenly, my sweetie said that he was not feeling well. He asked me to pack for him and to take him to the hospital in Calgary. He became at once very weak & quiet. Being totally attuned to him, beyond any words, I packed & was driving to Calgary as fast as I could, while being careful not to shake the car, my sweetie was in pain.

I dropped him in the ER and went to park the car.

In few minutes I was back to him and I was amazed & scared seeing that he was already surrounded by couple of nurses and being checked.

I asked him: "what did you tell them that they accepted you so fast ?".
Dr. Phil said: "that I have pneumothorax". Dr. Phil knows best.
I asked: "what does it mean ?"
And he answered, sadly: "it means that I am in big trouble".

We didnt know at that time how right he was... But my heart was shaking and I was frightened like hell...

Dr. Phil always knew to say a lot, in few words.

Then they inserted through his rib cage a chest tube. At the same spot where Jesus had his fifth wound, the one made by the soldier.

It must have being terribly painful but my Batman didn't even bat. Not one sigh. He was making jokes with the stuff and then tried to make me happy, seeing me tearful.

He always knew how to make the best out of the worst. But he also allowed me to cry: "its ok. You can cry. Let it all out". While holding me. Always kind & caring & loving. The sweetest ever & forever.

Then they took us up to the unit. One nurse wanted to send me away. I said that I am not going anywhere. At another day I told a nurse, who wanted me out of there, that she will have to bring the police for that. She didnt. The first 5 nights I slept on a couch near my sweetie.

That day didnt ended. Another nurse, by mistake, took out the chest tube while changing the dressings. At 21:00 at night we went for another procedure of inserting chest tube. Again my Batman was the most brave & sweet man ever. also, so amazingly, he was grateful for every one who was around him. Mostly to God.

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[Alysia]

I don't remmember if I posted this one before.... beautiful tribute to my Batman.... https://youtu.be/-uzGgCZt490
I miss him..................

[Alysia]

I wrote it yesterday but the forum was closed so posting today, to my sweetie:

22 months today, sweetie, since you flied high with your Batman's wings....


And I love you.....


I love you when the sun is rising..
not less when it's setting down..
and in between..
when I am awake
and in my sleep -
longing for your priceless visits to my dreams, to feel again the sweet joy & special security of just being with you...


I love you when I'm in the noisy crowd, under glowing rays of light, in this summer's heat, on the road, wherever I go....


I love you with many words, in all the languages.. with tender music, sometimes wild...


And I love you when I am mute.. can't find the words.. speechless.. then, the only music is the beating of my heart.. beating with force inside this sore void..


I love you when it's quiet.. in the darkness.. when I am alone........... I am not alone, you are with me.


And I love you - to infinity
And beyond.

[Middlesista]

Ah Alysia - {{{{hugs}}}}

[Alysia]

I was sick for couple of days, Crazy stomach bug. For 3 nights, one after another, my beautiful dr. Phil came to my dreams and stayed with me... he came to take care of me like I came to take care of him... felt so much joy & peace & security just from being with him... I didn't want to wake up.... dr. Phil is such a good dr. The best....... I miss him....


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Every moment....

[mishb]

He's a good boy

I hope you are feeling much better now

[Alysia]

To my sweetie..... I didn't write the following but it feels like I did...

I carry your heart with me
I carry it in my heart
I am never without it


anywhere I go, you go, my dear
and whatever is done by only me
is your doing, my darling


I fear no fate
for you are my fate, my sweet
I want no world
for beautiful, you are my world,
my true,
and it's you are
whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing
is you


I carry your heart with me
I carry it in my heart
I am never without it.


(E. E. Cummings')