Lisa,

You and your sister, and your SIL have a lot on your plate! Now would be a great time to research home health aides. My MIL was mostly determined to do stuff for herself. She would get exhausted and make her back problem worse. That meant her doctor would try stronger pain killers - till finally she was TOTALLY wacked out. One of us had to stay with her 24/7 for a few weeks. I took the opportunity to take the bull by the horns. I researched the services offered by our county's Office of the Aging, and got the process started. That whole thing can take as long as a couple of months. So - I called one of the agencies from a list they sent me and we hired someone to come in once a week to clean and help with her bath. Once she was off the pain meds, she was capable of being alone. She was crabby about the whole idea of a home health aid - but she had no choice in the matter, and once she had someone, she was thrilled to have the help. It cost her $40 a week until the county assistance came in. The amount she has to pay has gone steadily down as inflation has reduced her income. It started out costing her about $5 for an side for 2 hours. Then it went down to $2 and now it is nothing. It is often hard to persuade the WWII generation to accept help like this. We got round that by emphasizing that the service was paid for by taxes that she had paid all her life.

Hopefully you can get something going that will help your family out. I would hate to see any of you suffer from care-giver burn-out. I am worried a little about my husband with that regard. I do the cooking - but when I am bad that is about all I can manage. And sometimes I can't even do that. He is a very nervous person and goes into over-drive when I am not doing well. I worry about him. So - don't get overloaded if you can possibly help it. With your illness, you can perhaps do the research and phone calling needed to get some help going. Sometime for folks like your sister - it is one more thing that they can't fit it. Or - they view getting outside help as a failure on their own part. But ANY amount of help will keep your sister from burning out. Good luck!!