Originally Posted by
lag713
Caring for parents is tough especially when they have other ideas about what is best. I can't imagine how wiped you must feel with all of that on your plate. I'm sorry that I'm just noticing this thread. I've been trying to help my in-laws with my husband's paternal grandmother. She was recently diagnosed with stage 3-4 dementia and providing the right care has been a challenge. I worry about what it will be like when my husband and I have to help our aging parents. I hope they plan financially for their retirement but both sets plan to retire early and I wonder if they will be able to absorb costs. My brother-in-law refuses to see his grandmother because he "wants to remember her the way she was" which is a completely bs. So, that would leave my husband and I caring for two sets of parents. It's a nightmare. I wish you the best of luck with broaching these tough topics with your brother and father. Money becomes a touchy issue but it shouldn't when other siblings are bending over backward trying to make it work. I know what you mean about hitting a wall and sleeping uninterrupted for hours. I slept 11 hours on Saturday night and I needed every second. I think you deserve a hibernation this winter!
I think planning is key to effectively help aging parents. It's good to have discussions about their wishes before their health makes it imperative that they have more help at home, or change their living situation. Both of my parents have made me their health-care decision maker in the event of their mutual incapacity (otherwise whichever one is lucid will make decisions for the one incapacitated). It's awful to think about these things but it must be done. I'm trying to encourage them to make living wills... Detailed documents outlining in advance their health care wishes and the lengths to which they would want doctors to go in any given situation. The less guesswork I have if it ever comes to this, the better. I know they chose me because I'd be the last one to ever 'pull a plug' and it's a responsibility I don't take lightly. Thes things a re fraught with stress and emotion 'in the moment' so discussing them in advance with clear heads can be really helpful. I hope both of your sets of parents remain healthy and strong for years to come! My mom is recovering really well ( I think in my ramblings about myself I forgot to mention this?) and although she is getting nine hours a week of household help in addition to deep cleaning weekly, told me last night she's thinking about letting the caregiver go because she doesn't have enough for her to do. I suggested she think about the list of things she wants to do herself but isn't doing right now and write it down. There is tons that needs to be done, my mom is just independent and normally active, and used to doing everything for herself so not accustomed to delegating. There's no reason the caregiver can't tidy and organize with her or for her while she directs. They're supposed to be purging and organizing to get ready to sell their house. So there's no lack of work that needs doing.
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
- English proverb.
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