Wegie talent outlet

[annekat]

Cool! And there are some magnets there, too, though not as nice looking as clay ones would be. However, I don't really have time to make them, anyway. I do like the idea of the spoon shape in jewelry or other decorative arts, including ceramics.

[BookNut]

Cool! And there are some magnets there, too, though not as nice looking as clay ones would be. However, I don't really have time to make them, anyway. I do like the idea of the spoon shape in jewelry or other decorative arts, including ceramics.

Maybe you could make a prototype and see if the inventor of the "spoon theory" would be interested in commissioning some.

[annekat]

I posted this somewhere else a day or two ago - but some of you might not have seen it. It is a tribute to my grandparents who raised me, and I think it will give you a laugh. Enjoy!

My source for humor. A tribute to my grandparents. « Wanderings?

Jacquie, I finally got around to reading this and your other blog entry. This made me laugh out loud several times! I'm so sorry you lost your parents and never really knew them, but you were so lucky to have these wonderful people waiting in the wings to raise you up into the sparkling personality that you are today!

[annekat]

Maybe you could make a prototype and see if the inventor of the "spoon theory" would be interested in commissioning some.

Nice idea. She might like having something handmade on her site. I'll have to put it on the back burner for now, though.... Maybe at a time of year when demands to make what I already make are not so high.... and when I have more spoons!

[BookNut]

Thanks for you lovely comment about my grandparent post! I have not been feeling very sparkling for the past month or so. Today is better with the big guns of prednisone and Claritromycin kicking in. I am SO hoping to be able to settle in with just Clarithromycin and avoid the constant roller coaster of pred. Fortunately I have been spared the emotional ups and downs of the pred for the most part. But I just don't want to be on it all the time, with my family history of diabetes. And it has been a constant round of on and off and back on again for the past year really. Nice to talk as always!

[LisaT]

I wrote this a while back during some very dark days. I needed to express how I feel living with constant pain and exhaustion. I haven't shared it with anyone but it made me feel better just putting the words down. I thought others might be able to relate and/or take comfort in the shared aspects of the experience. Don't worry about me when you read it-- I express the depressing stuff so it doesn't stay in and make me sicker... I'm okay, and like I said it was in the past... But it's a good description of the bad days, thank God for the good ones in between! Writing it was very cathartic at the time.

This pain
This body of pain
Weighs me down
Fits me like a glove
I can't take it off
It's heavy, so heavy
sharp; tight. a torture-suit of armour


It is not me
But it's mine
Mine alone
Isolating
Cheating my children
Infiltrating my muscles, my joints, my bones
My teeth
It saps my energy
Sets me apart


The real me
Before pain
Without pain
Sometimes despite pain
Is light, carefree, spontaneous
Laughing, wild
Dancing, talking late into the night, making love
Not worrying about the price I will pay tomorrow
Not waking with an instant awareness of what hurts the most
How will I get moving
Where's my damn coffee and why do all these people want something from me before I can even move


Hurts so bad
With its grip on my head
Piercing my eyes
My jaw screaming
Neck aching
Hips and back tight and sore
Please make it stop
Give me a break


Let me wake feeling light
Comfortable, easy
Excited to start the day
Focused on something, anything else
SomeONE else
My beautiful girl, needing my attention and approval
Time with her mom
My sweet boy
Wants cuddles on the couch
Reassurance that he is my world


My lonely, steadfast husband
Who spent another evening, another night
Without his wife
Because if I don't get my rest
My twelve hours of escape from this pain
Respite from its constant drag
On my every move
On me even in stillness
I can't get through the day


Make the breakfasts, pack the lunch, please get dressed please put on your shoes please
Get in the car
sweep the floor,
Go to appointments
Endless appointments
Be there with smile and open arms and snacks
When the bell rings


Ready for the next shift
Swim team, showers, home for dinner
Or play dates, group snack, negotiating who plays what with whom
Cajoling, bribing to get the shin guards and cleats on and out the door
Then dinner, baths, stories, cuddles
I'm on empty
It is all I can do
It's most important
I can't be a good lawyer
Can't be a good editor
Can't be a good wife
Or homemaker
Maybe I can still, if I use every ounce of resources,
Be a good mom
So I don't do anything else


This pain; this exhausting pain
This painful exhaustion
Is mine
And mine alone
I can't share it or describe it
Let it define me
Make me a complainer, whiner, hypochondriac: 'you look so healthy!'
So you don't know
Can't know
Must think I can't be bothered
To pick up the phone
Invite you for dinner
Come dancing for your birthday
Run for the cure


Believe me, I want to
I wish I could
On that rare day or night that I can and I do
I wonder, are you thinking
She seems fine to me!?
Where's her pain and fatigue now?
How convenient


How can I explain
Once in a while
I return to myself
A blessed break
It fades into the background
Allows me to taste, feel, focus on life
Not hurt, so aware of my body, its aches and tiredness
That it puts a buffer between me and the world
For those glorious moments or hours
I am me again
Dancing, laughing, running with my kids
Then the next day
The price
So tired
Hard to walk, hurts again
How can I explain?
Easier not to
Just hope you don't judge
That you know
Because it doesn't show doesn't make it less real
Because I look good doesn't mean that's how I feel
Either way
I have to go back to bed
Think what you will

[renidrag]

This beautiful poem is certainly not the first you have written. I hope not the last. Your words put tears in my eyes. I love it! Wish I could "like" it more than once.
Dale

[annekat]

Excellent poem, Lisa, really gets the point across. Even I feel like one of those who wouldn't understand, not having your level of pain or all the responsibilities that you do involving other people. So, I'm glad you shared it; it makes me more aware. I'm also glad that writing it unloaded some of the stress. I hope you have more and more of the good days and an easier recovery from the bad ones.

[Alysia]

wow. Lisa. you just shared your pains it is so beautiful, so deeply touching. feels so close. your voice is my voice. I wrote 2 similar poems, much shorter, in Hebrew. I need to find them, try to translate them and have the courage to share. (mostly becuase of the language). thank you

[LisaT]

Thank you for your kind words. Anne, although we all have somewhat different experiences, I feel understood with respect to these issues here, much more so than anywhere else. That's why I'm able to share things I normally don't. It's in the hope that it will help someone else feel seen, heard, understood. I normally don't write poems, this just poured out one really bad morning when I was up too early hurting... Alysia, I'd love to read yours if you want to share. I can read Hebrew but don't understand enough to comprehend poetry.