Hi All,

I think ive finally accepted that i have this horrible thing, i've had a really crap week, had a flare up in my ears and generally feel really crap.

The steriods appear to have stopped working, i am taking 55mg pred a day and am having 3 pulse infusions a week but that doesn't appear to be helping my ears, although my sinuses are clearer.

I have terrible heartburn, the doctor put me on 20mg of omeperzole but i have increased this to 40mg and seems to be improving, not that i can get hold of a doctor/specialist to check that this is ok!!

Im fed up of being poked and proded and generally in a bad mood!!! Ive put on like a stone and my face is so round i can hardly recognise myself!

I feel so sorry for myself!! I started my own company about 18 months ago and i have my dream job, good money, hours to suit me and the kids and absolutely fantastic clients, i really couldn't ask for anymore, and i'm just so worried im going to loose it all, and without the job goes the house and everything else!!

Im usually very positive, but Im finding it hard now, ive found when you tell people your ill you get a little sympathy, a couple of phone calls and then it tapers, and no one wants to talk about it, they dont want to dare ask how you are!! So when someone does ask i usually say, 'i'm fine as cheery as i can!' Which so isn't true, but then i dont want to be the ill one that everyone feels sorry for!!

Anyway im having my hair done today, which will either cheer me up or put me in a worse mood if the hairdresser doesn't make me look exactly like i imagined!! (im thinking angelina jolie!)

With all the moaning aside im more than aware that im lucky to be here, that ive got to give the treatment a chance to work and there is a million other worse things to have in the world! i just want to mope today!! :-(

My cup is half empty today (only because someone has spilt the other half!)

Jo x