pberggren memorial thread

[mishb]

Alysia, those are beautiful words. You did all of this and so much more for Phil, and continue to do so.

We have all seen the smile that he had for you, and the twinkle in his eyes when he looked at you.

You were the best thing that happened to him (and this forum of course ) and nothing can change that

[Alysia]

Alysia, those are beautiful words. You did all of this and so much more for Phil, and continue to do so.

We have all seen the smile that he had for you, and the twinkle in his eyes when he looked at you.

You were the best thing that happened to him (and this forum of course ) and nothing can change that

Thank you so much... you make me cry but its a decent cry... I am honored to made him smile like that and that twinķle in his eyes... yes... How I miss that.. his sweetness and loving care... he is the best thing that happened to me, Godsend.
I am kind of "crazy", some days happy for what we had and still have and some days missing him so, missing him like crazy.... and some days both at once... just crazy in love with my sweetie..
Thank you, Michelle. I love you ♡

[Alysia]

To my sweetie,

Only you
My first and last
No one before, neither after
Ever entered into my soul
Knew all my secrets
Saw all my wounds
Carried my needs
Could bear my intense emotions
With sweet love and respect
With kindest touch
With priceless caring

Only you
Understood me so deeply
Without words
Beyond all words
Between the words

only you
I can trust 100%
Only with you I can show my fragility
Be genuine and whole

No greater security I ever had
Like when I held your hand

Only you
made my poor lonely heart
Warm and tender
Soft, melting and loving
Captivated by your beauty

Thank you, my sweet treasure
Wherever you are now
I know that you can still feel
How my love for you
Flying up to heaven
In the speed of light
To embrace your pure sweet soul
At each and every moment
Of my being.

[Alysia]

13 months since my sweetie flied high with his Batman's wings... I miss him... I wrote to him:

My beautiful Phil,

God created you
in his own image
and he created me
out of your "ribs"

So many years I was walking
Painfully longing
Lonely and speechless
Knowing not
what is it that I long for
not a name, no idea...

Until God sent you to me
And then I knew
It was you

It was only you I was longing to
Since I was born
So many years

Only you made me whole
Only while being with you
I felt peace
And tremendous joy
my wounded soul was healed
by you

You melted my poor heart
Made it truely alive
Beating and calling your name
Phil, feel, fill....

Being made "out of your ribs"
I also made you whole
We were complete when together..

But then, when God took you back
I was back to be walking
With painful longing

This time it has a name
Your name, my sweet eternal love,

And a date
Although unkown
To be back to your good arms
To be perfectly complete again
And Forever.

[Alysia]

I hesitated about writing the following...
trying to collect my feelings, a bit confused...

I am kind of "crazy", but not really.. I am crazy in love with my sweet Phil... I miss him like crazy.. day & night..

I am still waking up almost every night in the middle of the night, for no reason, and its hard to go back to sleep. I miss my sweetie. if during the day I was too busy, the tears are coming at night.. thanks God for my cat, she is cuddling with me and purring until I fell asleep again...
some hours I feel blessed & happy for the time we shared, for his sweet love, for sweet memories, for his visits to me, especially if he comes to my dreams.. I can sense him around..
one might think that I am crazy (I know that I am not), but I do sense his sweet smell sometimes... or I have goosebumps for no reason... I got couple of gifts which I don't have any other explanations for, but as gifts from my sweetie...
some hours my heart feels so full & warm.. I feel very blessed..

Then at other hours it is mostly the pain, feeling lost without my sweetie.. my heart feels so hollow & lonely, the world feels so empty & cold... I want to fly to him, I can't live without him.. but its not up to me. Only God's will.
another pain comes with time, that of trying to remember something and the memory betrays, I don't want to forget anything.... I live inside those sweet memories...

Then at other hours, when its too much to bear I become numb, speechless.. empty. exhausted. lately it happened too much. I hate it, its like feeling dead. Its the worst.

from the outside no one can tell what I feel. I wear a nice mask. I work. I do what I need to do....
I cry inside.....
I only share my feelings with my sister, with Phil's parents, on facebook, and sometimes here. I talk to me sweetie in my heart all day long...

I don't mind the pain. Tears are like rain. Its better then dryness. It feels alive.
and then, after the rain, come the rainbow
and my sunshine.

[annekat]

I am glad that you have this special place to express these thoughts and feelings when you feel the need to. You know how much Phil meant to the forum, and this is the perfect place to do it. This will always be your special spot and no one will take it away from you. Much love to you from all of us.

[BookNut]

I can feel your pain through your writing. That, along with what you are saying today. makes me wonder some things. With your psychology background, I wonder if you could start working on a book or a blog aimed at helping others who are going through loss. You would have so much empathy to share. The other thing that comes to mind, is finding a cause. As I have seen many times myself and commented on by others....you are a force of nature. Many people find solace in the loss of a loved one by taking up a cause that was close to that person's heart. Perhaps there are ways you can lobby for more research for WG. There may be other ideas. They should not be a lone endeavor - but should muster the help of others who are looking for a cause where they can make a difference. I hope you will consider it. You would be so good at organizing others and not backing down. Anyway - just a thought. It might help fill that void that is harder for you than feeling either the joy or the pain of thinking about Phil. Just a thought...

[Alysia]

I am glad that you have this special place to express these thoughts and feelings when you feel the need to. You know how much Phil meant to the forum, and this is the perfect place to do it. This will always be your special spot and no one will take it away from you. Much love to you from all of us.

Thank you so much Anne. I love you ♡ Its so kind and sweet of you to say all these... makes me tears.