Hi Becky and welcome to the forum.

There has to be someone on here that can relate to what you are going through and give you some more direction.

You don't ever need to apologise for the length of a post.
By putting everything down now, at least you have something to look back on later (when you are feeling better) and say, WOW I got through all of that.

Best of wishes to you - I'm just sorry that I can't really offer any help