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Thread: Funny Stuff

  1. #741
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    Dementia Test -- only 4 questions:

    Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it's important to keep mentally alert. If you don't use it, you lose it! Below is a very private way to gauge how your memory compares to the last test. Some may think it is too easy but the ones with memory problems may have difficulty. Take the test presented here to determine if you're losing it or not. OK, relax, clear your mind and begin.


    1. What do you put in a toaster?



    Answer:
    'bread.' If you said 'toast' give up now and do something else…
    If you said, bread, go to Question 2.


    2. Say 'silk' five times. Now spell 'silk.' What do cows drink?


    Answer:
    Cows drink water. If you said 'milk,' don't attempt the next question.
    Your brain is over-stressed and may even overheat.
    However, if you said 'water', proceed to question 3.


    3. If a red house is made from red bricks and
    a blue house is made from blue bricks and
    a pink house is made from pink bricks and
    a black house is made from black bricks,
    what is a green house made from?


    Answer:
    Greenhouses are made from glass.

    If you said 'green bricks,' why are you still reading these???
    If you said 'glass,' go on to Question 4.


    4.
    Without using a calculator -
    You are driving a bus from London toMilford Haven in Wales .

    In London , 17 people get on the bus.
    In Reading , 6 people get off the bus and 9 people get on.
    InSwindon , 2 people get off and 4 get on.
    In Cardiff , 11 people get off and 16 people get on.
    In Swansea , 3 people get off and 5 people get on.
    In Carmathen, 6 people get off and 3 get on.

    You then arrive at Milford Haven...

    Without scrolling back to review, how old is the bus driver?



    Answer:
    Oh, for crying out loud!
    Don't you remember your own age...

    It was YOU driving the bus!

    You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give. Kahil Gibran

  2. #742
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    Now that I'm "older" (but refuse to grow up), here's what I've discovered:



    1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

    2. My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran.

    3. I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart.

    4. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

    4. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

    5. All reports are in; life is now officially unfair.

    6. If all is not lost, where is it?

    7. It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

    8. Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.

    9. I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few.



    10. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.

    11. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.

    12. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

    13. The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the bathroom.

    14. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.

    15. When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play chess?

    16. It's not hard to meet expenses ... they're everywhere.

    17. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

    18. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I'm here after..

    19. Funny, I don't remember being ... absent-minded.

    Jim
    You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give. Kahil Gibran

  3. #743
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    I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.

    Jim
    You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give. Kahil Gibran

  4. #744
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dryhill View Post
    I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.

    Jim
    Good one, Jim.
    Anne, dx'ed April 2011

  5. #745
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    I wonder where you get this stuff, Jim, whether people send it to you or you have to search for it. It probably isn't all "British humor", although I think some of it is.... and I like it. I am genetically more than half British as my dad's parents were born and raised in England. On my mother's side, there is definitely also a good deal of English, Scotch, and Irish.
    Anne, dx'ed April 2011

  6. #746
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    Anne, I some friends that have decided if there is nothing they can do to actually make me better, then they can make me feel better. Having said that here is another lot that might bring a smile to your face, these are all people that have been on UK quiz programmes:-




    BBC NORFOLK



    Stewart White:



    Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World?



    Contestant:



    I don't know.



    Stewart White:



    I'll give you some clues: what do you call the part between your hand and your elbow?



    Contestant:



    Arm



    Stewart White:



    Correct. And if you're not weak, you're...?



    Contestant:



    Strong.



    Stewart White:



    Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten's first name?



    Contestant:



    Louis



    Stewart White:



    Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the song What A Wonderful World?



    Contestant:



    Frank Sinatra?












    BEACON RADIO ( WOLVERHAMPTON )



    DJ Mark:



    For 10, what is the nationality of the Pope?



    Ruth from Rowley Regis:



    I think I know that one. Is it Jewish?









    GWR FM ( Bristol )



    Presenter:



    What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963?



    Contestant:



    I don't know, I wasn't watching it then.








    RICHARD AND JUDY



    Richard:



    Which American actor is married to Nicole Kidman?



    Contestant:



    Forrest Gump.







    NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1)



    Question:



    What is the world's largest continent?



    Contestant:



    The Pacific.







    ROCK FM ( PRESTON )



    Presenter:



    Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the name of a famous painting by Leonardo da Vinci.



    Contestant:



    Who Framed Roger Rabbit?








    JAMES O'BRIEN SHOW (LBC)



    James O'Brien:



    How many kings of England have been called Henry?



    Contestant:



    Er, well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth ... ER. ER ... Three?








    CHRIS SEARLE SHOW (BBC RADIO BRISTOL )



    Chris Searle:



    In which European country is Mount Etna ?



    Caller:



    Japan.



    Chris Searle:



    I did say which European country, so in case you didn't hear that, I can let you try again.



    Caller:



    Er ........ Mexico ?












    THE VAULT



    Melanie Sykes:



    What is the name given to the condition where the sufferer can fall asleep at any time?



    Contestant:



    Nostalgia.








    STEVE WRIGHT IN THE AFTERNOON (BBC RADIO 2)



    Wright:



    Johnny Weissmuller died on this day. Which jungle-swinging character clad only in a loin cloth did he play?



    Contestant:



    Jesus.




    It seems anyone can have a bad day!

    Jim
    You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give. Kahil Gibran

  7. #747
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    Jim, These made me laugh 'til I cried - thanks, I needed that !!

    Fran

  8. #748
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    Jim, that's funny, my first thought was Sinatra, although of course I know it was Louis. The rest I'll read later, when I have time!
    Anne, dx'ed April 2011

  9. #749
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    I've had time to read them all now...... wow, and I thought Americans were ignorant.... very funny!
    Anne, dx'ed April 2011

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