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Thank you lightwarrior and Jack.
I am the primary caretaker for both my father (81, and dying of advanced Parkinson's disease) and principal advocate for my oldest daughter (24, Crohn's disease and Weg). I have struggled with being 'emotionally reactive' in previous dire situations, and have found acceptance and wisdom can be elusive when stressed with concern for someone you love. I practice finding wisdom daily, and work on small parts of myself at a time. This is life, no?
So death is something to meet with acceptance and wisdom as well. I really appreciate lightwarrior's shared experiences through her work. A very timely message for me.
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Beautifully stated, Palmyra.
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Absolutely... It's a matter of continual course correction... having accepted what I got from God... here's my e-mail to my Dad...
Daddyji, pairipainna (a gesture of paying respect by touching elders' feet)… I have no regrets, I have no complaints from God… He had a plan for me and he executed well. No complains what so ever. My worry is not for me if I live longer or not. Everyone who came, must go. They came to earth only to go. We all just tend not to think about it and distract ourselves with the worldly matters. We think we can evade death if don’t think of it. Like the cat when it drinks the milk. It thinks that by closing its eyes no one else can see it. Death is constant. We will all go through it one day. Some late, some early… However if I leave early, you must not lament. I know as a father your heart will ache, but preparing yourself for it will make it a tad bit easier. It is very likely I will live long, but chances of that not happening have become a bit higher with this disease. But as I said, I worry not for myself but for my kids and you. If I had a lot of money I would have not worried at all. But that is not the case.
If God has plans for me, he better have plans to take my family under his wings and protect them when I am not around. You thought God was a saint? Bloody hell not!… If he exists, he’s a bloody prankster! But I am watching him, he probably does not know that… If he messes with me any further, I am going to give his boss a very strong 360 feedback for the next year and see to it that he gets a demotion next year
Don’t worry Dad! No negative feelings… Things are going to be just fine, with or without me!
Eager to see you when you come visit us… Love you lots!
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That was a very personal thing to share with us flana, Thanks.
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Thank you for sharing that, flana. I had come across your blog and read some of it prior to my own dx (January 2010).
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Thanks flana for sharing that.
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Originally Posted by
elephant
I hear what your saying JanW. I try to be positive and think positive...it is hard at times and then there is the guilt that I feel ...how come I am not feeling better yet??? Because I have been thinking positive??? Well just being honest. Keeping it real.
I think this attitude is some times implied or absorbed due to many comments you hear about how a postive attitude will help you heal or recover. It may, but I don't think it follows though that if aren't getting better, it is because you don't have right attitude, or aren't complying with treatment. Some times things just happen for reasons we don't understand.
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I have to totally agree with you there drz.
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I believe that I have seen a negative attitude kill people, but I don't think that a positive one will cure you. However, I know that it helps.
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Totally agree with you drz and Jack-- very nice explanation of the positive thinking thing.
Raj, what a beautiful letter to your Dad. Thank you for sharing it with us.
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