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Thread: Thoughts About Breakup Reconciliation?

  1. #1
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    Default Thoughts About Breakup Reconciliation?

    I came across an interesting article the other day about breakups, where the authors actually conducted a study on breakup reconciliation (s=5000), in order to analyze and subsequently discuss if people were generally more likely to end up getting back together with their exes after a breakup or to remain broken up for good. The statistical data provided in their article was actually quite comprehensive and separately displayed their results according to various categorical ranges (age vs likelihood of getting back, gender vs likelihood of getting back, likelihood of getting back together permanently vs temporarily, reasons for the breakup in relation to how it affected long/short term reconciliation, differences between marriage reconciliation vs relationship reconciliation, etc).

    After reading the article, I ended up having a long debate with some of my colleagues the next day over this topic because we all had differences in certain views/opinions and how/why we felt a particular way when it came to reconciling with an ex or second chances in general. I get that everyone is entitled to their own opinions at the end of the day and even if we don't agree with them, at the very least - we should still always choose to acknowledge/respect their views without any sort of prejudice or judgement. However, listening to my colleagues views and opinions also made me realize that all of us are ultimately shaped by our own personal experiences (which can sometimes be biased/narrow minded), and by listening to the views/opinions/rationale of others, perhaps some of us may actually stand to benefit from it, especially if it helps to widen our perspectives a little and maybe even enable us to gradually view things different (in the event someone else's reasoning manages to resonate with you).

    So, I'd like to ask everyone here who is interested, to share some of your thoughts on reconciliation and include your reasons/experiences/tips/etc if you're willing to. Maybe this would serve to inspire a fellow community member (who is currently facing this predicament since relationships are an unavoidable part of everyone's lives) and help them to make a informed/confident decision.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Thoughts About Breakup Reconciliation?

    Of all the people I know, only one couple got back together after separating for a year. They are still together 15 years later. During the breakup time, they each had an affair but still did things together as a family from time to time as they had 2 boys. The husband continued to pay all the bills although he had his own apartment. After a year they began to go to counseling. They fell back in love. It worked for them but they are the exception.

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  4. #3
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    Default Re: Thoughts About Breakup Reconciliation?

    So in general, would your opinion be that reconciliation only really happens under exceptional circumstances and not so much as a norm? Also, were there any key defining moments or turning points for them (to your knowledge) which subsequently made it easier for them to work on their marriage and for everyone to start seeing some notable improvements? My colleagues seem to think it that couples just have to 'stick it through' but personally, I feel that because none of us are technically relationship experts at the end of the day, which is the exact problem. By trying to fix a broken relationship or to even just 'stick it through' with someone, when you don't actually have an extensive enough knowledge on the subject of healthy relationships - would probably just end up making the situation worse off than it needs to be. I think that there's nothing wrong with seeking professional help to mediate and guide the couple towards a more positive outcome as long as both parties are open enough about this, and it may have well been the turning point for your friend's case but I can't be certain of course, since it's still only just an opinion.

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