The pain ... the pain ...

[NikkiNicole]

I am done. I can't take it anymore. The pain is non-stop. Massive, throbbing, pounding, pulsing pain in my sinuses ... Eustachian tubes opening and closing. And ... my joints. Oh how my joints are screaming. I can't even DO anything even remotely considered "working out". I try walking and can't go any distance. The major joints are in agony, and the tiny ones are screaming to be heard just as loudly.

I can't fight the depression anymore. I feel it licking at me like flames starting to spread. Even when I was eating clean, I wasn't feeling good and now I feel absolutely worse. It is HARD to smile every day. It is HARD to keep moving.

I wish I could spend a week in bed. I wish I could be holed up somewhere and get this FIXED!

I want to be able to work out again. I want to be able to walk and I was even thinking of starting running. But, I can't even sit in a chair without being acutely aware of every joint in my body and not in a good way.

I feel like I have a massive case of rhinitis, or am getting a cold? But if I was it would have been here by now. I sneeze, I feel like I am going to be congested any minute ... and the throbbing goes on and on and on across my cheeks, up into my forehead, I am feeling a gnarly throbbing in each and every one of my teeth. I have intermittent sharp stabbing pains in my ears.

Some days, I don't want to wake up.

I go see the doc on Tuesday. I'm getting very distressed about this. In all honesty, that's putting it mildly.

[Jaha]

Nikki,
I am sorry that you are going thru such a rough patch right now. It is good that you have a doctors appt coming up, sounds like you are flaring and need to be evaluated. It's hard to do anything when you are in so much pain, so just try to take it as easy as you can on yourself. Are you still on preds and any immune-suppressant right now? I really hope that things look up for you real soon. Take care and keep us informed on your doctors appt.

[NikkiNicole]

I am on no medications right now. So, I do see them in my future. Probably prednisone again and going back on CellCept. The prednisone is the most depressing. But, it is what it is and I will do whatever it takes to fix whatever is wrong.


I've never felt this bad. Honestly, in all of the things I went through at initial diagnosis my main complaint was a feeling of malaise and fatigue. Now? I am in constant agony all over my body. Some of the smaller joints are more of a roaming pain, a random thumb joint, my toes, my knuckles ... they trade off.

I'm sitting here with bleary, watery, eyes ... and wanting to cry. I can't take much more of this. Why am I in so much pain?!

[Debbie C]

Nikki,I feel bad that you are in so much pain. Did you talk to your Dr. ? Can you maybe get in to see him sooner ? Maybe upping your preds might help. Can't you call off sick like everyone else at your job does. You need a break girl, when it hits you..it always seems to hit your hard. Thinking about you and hope you get some relieve soon Keep us posted

[Jaha]

and tell them how you are feeling, they may call your doctor to consult with them. They will give you something for your pain and I would guess that if they do lab work, that your sed rate is really elevated right now. If you go it might break up the cycle of pain for now and then you may be able to see your doctor sooner. Wishing you all the best.

[NikkiNicole]

I want to go to sleep and never wake up.

[Debbie C]

Yes you do...you just want to wake up feeling better. Your post came thru before I was still writing, I didn't know you were not taking anything. I am sure the pred will help with the pain

[Pete]

Illegitimi non carborundum. Don't let the bastard grind you down. Hope tomorrow's a better day for you...

[NikkiNicole]

I refer to my disease as the B word all the time, Pete. It's like you read my mind. Every day is a steady progression in a downhill fashion so I feel like Tuesday is worlds and worlds away. I found someone to drive me there too. My co-worker told me to stay home tomorrow with heavy pain meds but I don't have any and I truly hate asking for them and being treated like I am seeing medications.
I made a list of each and every little horrible thing that keeps happening so that I won't forget anything when I go to the doctor. I emailed her too ... with words of desperation, and I am hoping she sees that tonight or even tomorrow morning and can have some sort of relief in my sights.
I'm getting rather distraught about how I feel and I know I shouldn't because people have been in much much worse condition than me.

[Birdie]

I am done. I can't take it anymore. The pain is non-stop. Massive, throbbing, pounding, pulsing

Wow Nikki, it seems so little to say hang in there.... but there is not much more I can say. I guess we all get it. We've all been there. Look for comfort in the knowledge that it DOES get better. I guess my best advice is to get all the sleep you can, whenever you can, and ignore the mundane tasks. Just take care of you.

Gary