2 years ago... my courageous Batman...


Oct 1 (2014) your last full day on earth, my beautiful Phil, was a better day for you, compared to previous days. You felt better. not as sleepy as the days before. Your sense of humor was back and you made jokes and some comedy show about the scary day that before, when you lost consciousness.
You asked me to tell you how it was again and again because you didn’t feel anything and couldn’t remember. You were amused. You rolled your eyes and made me laugh… we had a hope…


You always knew how to make the best out of the worst, to make jokes in the midst of dread or agony or pains... and you did it mostly to cheer up the others... especially me. You knew how I felt, you always know.. you understand me without words, beyond all words..... ♡


At the docs visit the bitch dr. said that you still might get the tube (meaning the end). I can't believe how cold she was to announce it just like that, like talking about the weather. I asked again for a WG expert's consultation. She said: "Dr. X is on his case". I said: "I don't want to be rude, but when was the last time he saw him ?" (Never). She ignored me. There was a young blond dr. who smiled at me when I said so. This blond dr., the day after, when I went to buy me something to eat not to collapse totally, knowing that its your last hours on earth, that blond dr. was there at the cafeteria. I was all tears and when I wanted to pay, I was told that she paid for me. She stood there, all tears too. Beautiful lady with beautiful soul. God bless her.


I was madly worried and watched you very closely all day long. Dr. Paul came, your lungs dr. he was a truely caring dr. he was very worried as well and agreed that a WG expert must check you asap. he promised to call in person the one who was supposed to be "on your case". (I know his name, but calling him here dr. X). Dr. X never came. I am sure dr. Paul called him. It was more important for Dr. X to prepare his show for the day after, to the conference about treating WG which took place not far away from us.


Our very dear Fr. McDonnell came. Breathing in great relief when we saw him coming, we were so excited to tell him what had happened. Our best friend and an angel on earth, holy and humble man, God bless our dear Fr. McDonnell.


You couldn’t receive holy communion because the nurse didn’t allow you, after you threw up in the morning. Actually you didn't eat or drink anything since the holy communion that you got on the day before.
You wanted to receive it without the nurse's permission but Fr. McDonnell didn’t want to risk you.
Dear Fr. McDonnell gave you his own scapular after he saw that I was trying to wash yours, after the vomiting. you passed with it. You & Fr. McDonnell had a talk about the beauty of heaven... before he left, Fr. McDonnell asked me to call him if we will need him at any hour…. None of us knew if it was going to be, and that it was going to be so soon…
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Today's readings: "rejoice in this, that your names are written in heaven" (Luke 10:20)


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…...... Before the evening came, you threw up again. we had a dumb nurse, She just set there, chewing gum and doing nothing…


but I was with you… and you were with me… you held my hand all day with your warm good hand. You held me and I held you. You always said: "we have each other". You always said: "just hold my hand". You were so sweet, so beautiful, so cute, so loving....


You were really tired when the evening came… being awake all day long, and worried…. many questions… how are you going to make it…. I comforted you .... I made you smile… your sweet melting smile..


I saw that your sats are dropping for no reason and I called the dumb nurse, but she said that it is just because of the angle of the bed and she made it higher.


you fell asleep peacefully with your sweet smile, holding my hand.
I was worried, watching your sats, I was afraid to wake you up, so I was just sitting there, holding your good hand, looking at your beautiful face, inhaling your sweet smell, praying............


until I was also tired…. So I wrote you a note. We always left messages to each other.


The night nurse looked like a good one and she assured me that I can go to sleep. She promised to give you my note when she will wake you up for your night medications. she did.
I didn't know that I will never again talk with you on earth.


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If only love could have healed, you would have being the healthiest man ever..