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Thread: pberggren memorial thread

  1. #711
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    Today, a year ago, was my sweetie's funeral. I was not there, I already flied back to Israel. I think that I couldnt stand being there anyway.
    I wrote for him the following and his mother read it near the grave. I think I shared it somewhere here a year ago.
    Sharing again in memory of my beautiful Batman. Thank you all, for being with me here.

    this is my funeral for you sweetie <3


    ***

    Sweetie,
    My beautiful hero, my sweet love, my prince Phillip, the first, the one and the only.
    you gave me so much, you saved me and you healed me. I am forever grateful to you and to God for every second that I was blessed just to be with you. I wish I could have healed you and saved you. I would have given you my lungs if I only could cure you.

    I wrote to you lots of love poems. Many of them are too private to share. I choose 3 to share and also wrote new one few days ago.

    Whenever you were reading my love poems to you, you were "smiling big".
    So smile again and again, your cute sweet smile, from your good place in heaven, and let my love embrace you, like we always used to say: "to infinity and beyond".
    ***

    First Poem is from relatively the beginning of our love:
    ***
    her world was so lonely, alienated and cold
    Forever confined she, to live in this odd
    She couldn't imagine such tender kind grace
    Until God have decided her soul to embrace
    Her unspoken prayers got amazing reply
    (you probably understand what I am trying to imply)
    And now she is praying to God for his cure
    Oh, please God, please help him, his soul is so pure.
    ************************

    I loved skyping with my sweetie. we were skyping some days for hours. Talking and being quiet, laughing and crying, and praying, and reading the forum together and eating and more…. Once he even went to sleep while I was with him on skype…. And I watched him sleeping in the Batcave for more then an hour…. Here is poem that was being created from skype hours….
    ***
    The sound of your voice is so deep and so warm
    Making thrill in my heart, and a feeling of home
    Your smile is so sweet, with your dimples, so cute
    The beauty of you, makes me almost being mute
    Your eyes are so good, wise and decent and kind
    your soul is the best soul I ever may find.
    ********************

    Next poem is from the time my sweetie started to feel worse and we decided that when he will feel that he needs me, I will buy tickets and come to him. and so it was. He told me that he needs me on Friday night (my time) and I was with him the next Friday. Actually I could have been there before, if there was no war in Israel at that time.
    ***
    Through fire and steam, through storm, water and flood,
    I will go for you, my beautiful man, because you are so good,
    Bare feet on sizzling coals, miles and miles, will I walk,
    Just to help you to feel better…. Because you are my rock.

    **************

    The last poem is from the last week, while crying and missing him so much
    ****
    God had created you so perfect all over
    And he designed me to love you, beyond any border
    Beyond time, beyond space, beyond living and death
    With every beat of my heart, while I am taking every breath
    I am praying for the time that I can hold you again
    To be one with your sweet soul. to eternity. AMEN.
    Alysia
    dx 2008


    Here, in this forum, I have found my sweet eternal love, my beautiful Phil.. :
    https://www.wegeners-granulomatosis.com/forum/threads/4238-pberggren-memorial-thread
    "You are my sunshine", he used to sing to me... "you make me happy, when skies are grey" I still answer him.
    Rest in Peace, my brave Batman and take care of your weggies from heaven, until we meet again.

  2. #712
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    Oh Alysia, these are so beautiful. I could barely begin to read the first poem before crying the tears I was trying to hold back. What a wonderful thing to share with us here, now, in memory of Phil. I'm certain his family, friends, and all in attendance appreciated this so much. Although you couldn't be there in person, I know you were there in spirit. He was a wonderful person and so very kind. I will always remember how he reached out and made me feel welcome here when I was first diagnosed and so scared.

  3. #713
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    Quote Originally Posted by lag713 View Post
    Oh Alysia, these are so beautiful. I could barely begin to read the first poem before crying the tears I was trying to hold back. What a wonderful thing to share with us here, now, in memory of Phil. I'm certain his family, friends, and all in attendance appreciated this so much. Although you couldn't be there in person, I know you were there in spirit. He was a wonderful person and so very kind. I will always remember how he reached out and made me feel welcome here when I was first diagnosed and so scared.
    Thank you so much for your tears & kind words & caring. It means a lot.
    Yes. I was there in spirit. I also asked Phil's cousin to put a little stone from me on the grave, and she did.
    FB_IMG_1436018181864.jpg
    Alysia
    dx 2008


    Here, in this forum, I have found my sweet eternal love, my beautiful Phil.. :
    https://www.wegeners-granulomatosis.com/forum/threads/4238-pberggren-memorial-thread
    "You are my sunshine", he used to sing to me... "you make me happy, when skies are grey" I still answer him.
    Rest in Peace, my brave Batman and take care of your weggies from heaven, until we meet again.

  4. #714
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    To my sweetie,

    I wanted so much
    to brighten your days
    to comfort your nights
    to cheer you in darkness
    to make you smile big
    your sweet melting smile
    with your cute dimples..

    to warm your golden heart
    to embrace your sweet soul
    to hold you close to me

    to protect you from storms
    from pains and from evil

    To pray for you
    To carry your cross
    to water you with rain of blessings
    to be your rainbow
    and your sunshine

    Like you are to me

    I did as much as I could
    and some of those
    I hope I am still doing..

    Especially making you smile
    Your gorgeous cute smile
    Shinning upon us all.
    Alysia
    dx 2008


    Here, in this forum, I have found my sweet eternal love, my beautiful Phil.. :
    https://www.wegeners-granulomatosis.com/forum/threads/4238-pberggren-memorial-thread
    "You are my sunshine", he used to sing to me... "you make me happy, when skies are grey" I still answer him.
    Rest in Peace, my brave Batman and take care of your weggies from heaven, until we meet again.

  5. #715
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    Alysia, those are beautiful words. You did all of this and so much more for Phil, and continue to do so.

    We have all seen the smile that he had for you, and the twinkle in his eyes when he looked at you.

    You were the best thing that happened to him (and this forum of course ) and nothing can change that
    Keep Smiling
    Michelle


    Live your life in a way that you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip - WILL ROGERS

  6. #716
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    Quote Originally Posted by mishb View Post
    Alysia, those are beautiful words. You did all of this and so much more for Phil, and continue to do so.

    We have all seen the smile that he had for you, and the twinkle in his eyes when he looked at you.

    You were the best thing that happened to him (and this forum of course ) and nothing can change that
    Thank you so much... you make me cry but its a decent cry... I am honored to made him smile like that and that twinķle in his eyes... yes... How I miss that.. his sweetness and loving care... he is the best thing that happened to me, Godsend.
    I am kind of "crazy", some days happy for what we had and still have and some days missing him so, missing him like crazy.... and some days both at once... just crazy in love with my sweetie..
    Thank you, Michelle. I love you ♡
    Last edited by Alysia; 10-21-2015 at 12:12 AM.
    Alysia
    dx 2008


    Here, in this forum, I have found my sweet eternal love, my beautiful Phil.. :
    https://www.wegeners-granulomatosis.com/forum/threads/4238-pberggren-memorial-thread
    "You are my sunshine", he used to sing to me... "you make me happy, when skies are grey" I still answer him.
    Rest in Peace, my brave Batman and take care of your weggies from heaven, until we meet again.

  7. #717
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    To my sweetie,

    Only you
    My first and last
    No one before, neither after
    Ever entered into my soul
    Knew all my secrets
    Saw all my wounds
    Carried my needs
    Could bear my intense emotions
    With sweet love and respect
    With kindest touch
    With priceless caring

    Only you
    Understood me so deeply
    Without words
    Beyond all words
    Between the words

    only you
    I can trust 100%
    Only with you I can show my fragility
    Be genuine and whole

    No greater security I ever had
    Like when I held your hand

    Only you
    made my poor lonely heart
    Warm and tender
    Soft, melting and loving
    Captivated by your beauty

    Thank you, my sweet treasure
    Wherever you are now
    I know that you can still feel
    How my love for you
    Flying up to heaven
    In the speed of light
    To embrace your pure sweet soul
    At each and every moment
    Of my being.
    Alysia
    dx 2008


    Here, in this forum, I have found my sweet eternal love, my beautiful Phil.. :
    https://www.wegeners-granulomatosis.com/forum/threads/4238-pberggren-memorial-thread
    "You are my sunshine", he used to sing to me... "you make me happy, when skies are grey" I still answer him.
    Rest in Peace, my brave Batman and take care of your weggies from heaven, until we meet again.

  8. #718
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    13 months since my sweetie flied high with his Batman's wings... I miss him... I wrote to him:

    My beautiful Phil,

    God created you
    in his own image
    and he created me
    out of your "ribs"

    So many years I was walking
    Painfully longing
    Lonely and speechless
    Knowing not
    what is it that I long for
    not a name, no idea...

    Until God sent you to me
    And then I knew
    It was you

    It was only you I was longing to
    Since I was born
    So many years

    Only you made me whole
    Only while being with you
    I felt peace
    And tremendous joy
    my wounded soul was healed
    by you

    You melted my poor heart
    Made it truely alive
    Beating and calling your name
    Phil, feel, fill....

    Being made "out of your ribs"
    I also made you whole
    We were complete when together..

    But then, when God took you back
    I was back to be walking
    With painful longing

    This time it has a name
    Your name, my sweet eternal love,

    And a date
    Although unkown
    To be back to your good arms
    To be perfectly complete again
    And Forever.
    Alysia
    dx 2008


    Here, in this forum, I have found my sweet eternal love, my beautiful Phil.. :
    https://www.wegeners-granulomatosis.com/forum/threads/4238-pberggren-memorial-thread
    "You are my sunshine", he used to sing to me... "you make me happy, when skies are grey" I still answer him.
    Rest in Peace, my brave Batman and take care of your weggies from heaven, until we meet again.

  9. #719
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    I hesitated about writing the following...
    trying to collect my feelings, a bit confused...

    I am kind of "crazy", but not really.. I am crazy in love with my sweet Phil... I miss him like crazy.. day & night..

    I am still waking up almost every night in the middle of the night, for no reason, and its hard to go back to sleep. I miss my sweetie. if during the day I was too busy, the tears are coming at night.. thanks God for my cat, she is cuddling with me and purring until I fell asleep again...

    some hours I feel blessed & happy for the time we shared, for his sweet love, for sweet memories, for his visits to me, especially if he comes to my dreams.. I can sense him around..
    one might think that I am crazy (I know that I am not), but I do sense his sweet smell sometimes... or I have goosebumps for no reason... I got couple of gifts which I don't have any other explanations for, but as gifts from my sweetie...
    some hours my heart feels so full & warm.. I feel very blessed..


    Then at other hours it is mostly the pain, feeling lost without my sweetie.. my heart feels so hollow & lonely, the world feels so empty & cold... I want to fly to him, I can't live without him.. but its not up to me. Only God's will.

    another pain comes with time, that of trying to remember something and the memory betrays, I don't want to forget anything.... I live inside those sweet memories...

    Then at other hours, when its too much to bear I become numb, speechless.. empty. exhausted. lately it happened too much. I hate it, its like feeling dead. Its the worst.

    from the outside no one can tell what I feel. I wear a nice mask. I work. I do what I need to do....
    I cry inside.....
    I only share my feelings with my sister, with Phil's parents, on facebook, and sometimes here. I talk to me sweetie in my heart all day long...

    I don't mind the pain. Tears are like rain. Its better then dryness. It feels alive.
    and then, after the rain, come the rainbow
    and my sunshine.
    Alysia
    dx 2008


    Here, in this forum, I have found my sweet eternal love, my beautiful Phil.. :
    https://www.wegeners-granulomatosis.com/forum/threads/4238-pberggren-memorial-thread
    "You are my sunshine", he used to sing to me... "you make me happy, when skies are grey" I still answer him.
    Rest in Peace, my brave Batman and take care of your weggies from heaven, until we meet again.

  10. #720
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    I am glad that you have this special place to express these thoughts and feelings when you feel the need to. You know how much Phil meant to the forum, and this is the perfect place to do it. This will always be your special spot and no one will take it away from you. Much love to you from all of us.
    Anne, dx'ed April 2011

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