pberggren memorial thread

[JeanMarie]

Alysia, My thoughts & prayers for you at this difficult time.

[Alysia]

Alysia, My thoughts & prayers for you at this difficult time.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I always remember that you wrote to me that Phil will never be forgotten.

[Alysia]

To my sweetie,

Oct 1 (2014) your last full day on earth, my beautiful Batman, was a better day for you, compared to previous days. You felt better. not as sleepy as the days before. Your sense of humor was back and you made jokes and some comedy show about the scary day that before, when you lost consciousness.

You asked me to tell you how it was again and again because you didn’t feel anything and couldn’t remember. You rolled your eyes and made me laugh… we had a hope…

at the docs visit the bitch doc said that you still might get the tube (meaning the end). I can't believe how cold she was to announce it just like that, like talking about the weather. I was madly worried anyway and watched you very closely all day long. Dear Dr. Paul came, your lungs doc. he was the only saint among those arrogant docs. he was very worried as well and agreed that a WG expert MUST check you asap. he promised to call in person the one who was supposed to be "on your case". that expert never came. I am sure dr. Paul called him. It was more important for that expert to prepare his show for the day after, to the conference about treating wg.

Our dear Fr. McDonnell came. We were so excited to tell him what had happened. He was our best friend all those scary days in the ICU. Holy and humble man, God bless our dear Fr. McDonnell. He gave you his own scapular after he saw that I was trying to wash yours, after the vomiting. you passed with it. before he left, Fr. McDonnell asked me to call him if we will need him at any hour…. None of us knew if it was going to be, and that it was going to be so soon…

…. Before the evening came, you threw up again. we had a dumb nurse, She just set there, chewing gum and doing nothing…

but I was with you… and you were with me… you held my hand all day with your warm good hand. You held me and I held you. You always said: "we have each other". You always said: "just hold my hand". You were so sweet, so beautiful, so loving.

You were really tired when the evening came… being awake all day long, and worried…. many questions… how are you going to make it…. I comforted you .... I made you smile… you were so cute...
I saw that your sats are dropping for no reason and I called the dumb nurse, but she said that it is just because of the angle of the bed and she made it higher.
you fell asleep peacefully with your sweet smile, holding my hand.

I was worried, watching your sats, I was afraid to wake you up, so I was just sitting there, holding your good hand, looking at your beautiful face, inhaling your sweet smell…

If only love could have healed, you would have being the healthiest man on earth..

until I was also tired…. So I wrote you a note. We always left messages to each other.
The night nurse looked like a good one and she assured me that I can go to sleep. She promised to give you my note when she will wake you up for your night medications. she did.

I didn't know that I will never again talk with you on earth.

[annekat]

Alysia, we know what a hard time this is for you, and I'm thinking of you a lot as I go through my day. It is good that you relive it in writing and it helps us all to understand what you and Phil went through. I am so sorry that Oct. 1, 2014 was the last day you got to talk to your sweetie. If only writing about it could take us back in time and change the result. The only comfort is knowing that you were there with him the last time he was aware and able to talk. Your presence made all the difference in the world to him, the whole time, I have no doubt whatsoever.

[Jaha]

Thinking of you and wishing you some peace at this terrible time for you and Phil's family.

[Alysia]

Thank you so much Jana and Anne for your kind and caring comments. thanks for being with me all the way. I appreciate it more then I can express.
Anne, it is so true that I was blessed to talk with my sweetie untill the end. that he passed while being embraced by great love.

[Alysia]

To my sweetie,


Oct 1 (2014) at about 20:00 (Calgary time) you fell asleep, with your cute melting smile on your lips, holding my hand...
I was sitting there... holding your good warm hand... madly worried, watching your sats, praying... admiring your beauty, breathing your sweetness..

If only love could have healed...














Oct 1 (2014) at about 23:30 (Calgary time) you stopped breathing on your own during your sleep. they put you on the breathing machine (the dreaded tube). they sedated you. you didn't feel anything. your horrible sufferings came to an end.
I was still sleeping in my room, 4 buildings away. knowing nothing.

Oct 2 (2014) at about 03:00am (Calgary time) I waked up, scared to death, strong fast heartbeats, from knocking on my door at my room in the hostel. shaking all over I opened to the security man who asked: "are you Alysia ? Is your boyfriend in the ICU ? You need to go there". I asked him to wait a min and to walk with me. shaking all over, from cold and from dread. we walked to the ICU. 10 min walk. The security man gave me a chewing gum to calm me down. He was a kind man.
When we arrived to the ICU the bitch nurse (the one who gave you rtx not according to the protocol) stopped me and didn't allow me to get into your room. I said: "Don't be cruel to me, not now". But she was. I waited. Totally shaking. The night nurse came and told me that you stopped breathing during your sleep. They were still working on you.
I called your parents. They came so fast. I needed them. To hold each other.

If it was not for your father's strong hug, and your mother's good sorrowful caring eyes, I would be crashing to the floor.

Then we were allowed into your room. You were so pale... you looked tired but so beautiful .. with all the machines.. and the lines...

Your always warm hands were now cold and I knew that you are no longer with us...






















Oct 2 (2014) at about 08:00am, morning, (Calgary time) our dear Fr. McDonnell came.


He prayed for you the most beautiful prayer I ever heard, describing how the Saints and Angels will be soon welcoming you into heaven...






















Oct 2 (2014) at about 10:30am morning (Calgary time) you flied high, with your Batman's wings, straight to heaven.
fast. with no pains. peacefully. surrounded by tremendous love.



all tears, I kissed your beautiful forehead and I told you: "goodbye sweetie. I love you".




you still had your sweet smell.

[Alysia]

To my sweetie...

You told me: "our hearts are one"
Always & forever
They still are
and will be

Sometimes, when its quiet outside & inside
I can still feel your heart
Your sweet golden loving heart
And then I know that you are in peace
Feeling freedom & Joy
I know that you can feel my heart
Melting & beating & calling your name
I know that you love me
In a perfect way

And then I feel blessed.

[whatthewhat]

That poem is beautiful.

[Alysia]

PhotoEditor-1444240069340.jpg

To my sweetie,
I miss you...all the time... everything about you; your sweetness, your kindness, your caring, your wisdom, your sense of humor, your fervent Faith... I miss all of you; your voice, your cute dimples, your beautiful eyes, your good hands, your sweet smell... I miss talking with you, I miss holding you and being held by you, I miss your laugh, I miss your embrace.... I miss just being with you... I miss you, and as the time goes on, I miss you more & more & more...