pberggren memorial thread

[Alysia]

many painful memories from a year ago... my sweetie's last fight on earth...
today, a year ago he was moved to the ICU... such dread....
he was so courageous, so strong, inspiring, Faithful, grateful, sweet and loving...
I miss him madly. feeling lost without him.....

[Alysia]

Thank you, dear friends from the bottom of my heart, for your prayers and thoughts and precious info. I love you. Phil is not getting beter. Still in ICU. The docs can't tell yet if the meds will work. I am so scared. Freaking out. Yestrday Phil told me that he is going to die. I was crying madly. Then Lisa T helped me to connect with air canada. Thanks so much Lisa. I found an earlier flight. I am sitting now at the airport. Flight to Toronto will be in about an hour from now. Please pray as strong as you can for our beautiful Batman. Thank you for being with us. God bless you.

Sent from my GT-I9100T using Tapatalk

a year ago... I had the flight back to my sweetie, to be with him on his last fight on earth... to fight for him with all my being....
if only love could heal....

[Alysia]

I wrote to my sweetie, long before .... and I did, in a way... :

Through fire and steam, through storm, water and flood,
I will go for you, my beautiful man, because you are so good,
Bare feet on sizzling coals, miles and miles, will I walk,
Just to help you to feel better…. Because you are my rock.
......

[Alysia]

Still waking up crying in the middle of the night... I need my sweetie... the world is so dark & lonely & sad...

[BookNut]

Still waking up crying in the middle of the night... I need my sweetie... the world is so dark & lonely & sad...

I am so sad for you Alysia. Have you been able to get involved in a social group, or do things with your children? Your pain will not go away of course...but I hope you have some good things in your life to give you some happy moments. I worry about you. I know this is an especially hard time for you.

[whatthewhat]

anniversaries are hard, and even our muscles and nerves mark the dates, along with our souls. ((hugs)) from california

[Birdie]

Still waking up crying in the middle of the night... I need my sweetie... the world is so dark & lonely & sad...

Alysia,

The world is a dark and lonely place without love. Clearly you still have your love for Phil in your heart.

I have lost four wives, most recently Susan died of breast cancer two years ago. Every year on May 31 at sunset I hold a memorial in a park. I've been there at the same place and time each year since 1975.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that you're not alone when it comes to missing the people you've loved. If you're lucky it will never go away, you won't stop remembering them. Just make room for more.

[Alysia]

All I can say now is BIG thank you to you all...

[Alysia]

Alysia,

The world is a dark and lonely place without love. Clearly you still have your love for Phil in your heart.

I have lost four wives, most recently Susan died of breast cancer two years ago. Every year on May 31 at sunset I hold a memorial in a park. I've been there at the same place and time each year since 1975.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that you're not alone when it comes to missing the people you've loved. If you're lucky it will never go away, you won't stop remembering them. Just make room for more.

It is so beautiful. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I am sorry for your losses, you know all about it too well.... God bless you <3

[Alysia]

I wrote to my sweetie:


Sep 30 (2014) was a scary dramatic day, you sure remember, my sweet eternal love. We almost lost you at that day. God took you for couple of seconds and gave you back to me, for another day and half on earth.
We had scary and frustrating days in the ICU. I was angry at the docs for not taking good care of you and I set a meeting with the main doc of the ICU in order to insist on getting a WG expert's consultation.

I was madly worried. The last 3 days you were very sleepy, drowsy when awake, foggy. Our dear Fr. McDonnell came. God bless this holy man. He came almost every day all those weeks in the ICU.
He was also very worried, seeing you like that. You could hardly talk. You worked so hard all the time just to breath. Like running non stop on a treadmill in a crazy speed. Sweating all the time. I changed little towels to wipe your beautiful forehead, they came totally wet. Its amazing how beautiful you looked through all those sufferings. Your good blue eyes so beautiful and big and pure.
Before he left, Fr. McDonnell gave me his cellphone number and asked me to update him and to call him at every hour.

About an hour later (15:00 Calgary time) the ICU doc came to the room to talk with me, as I asked before.
God sent him in a perfect timing. It was a matter of seconds. Greeting the coming doc, while always checking your sats, I saw that the sats are dropping down for no reason. I asked you: "what happened sweetie ?". You didn't answer. I saw that your eyes were rolling. At that point the ICU doc called his team and they started to work on you with a balloon mask, to make you breath again.

I can't tell how much time you were not conscious. I stood there, shaking all over, crying, praying so strong. I thought that you were dying.

Then you were back. They put you on a bi-pap machine. I was glad it was not the tube because we knew that the tube means the end.
They said that the machine of the Fentanyl/hydromorphin, was not ok, and that you got overdose of it. This is why you were sleepy in the days before.


When you were back to us, the doc talked to you. You couldn't talk much back, being on the bi pap mask and still catching your breath back. But you answered by squishing my hand, once or twice according to the questions. We all smiled in relief when after you were back, you fixed your "ears" to hear better the questions of the doc.
You were still on the verge of "sinking" back to unconsciousness and I held your hand and asked you to squish it all the time, to respond. To stay awake.
You were a good boy. You held my hand for hours since that moment.

Meantime they tried to insert line to check your blood gas. They poked you and poked you, deep, and in vain. You were bleeding in 2 hands and 2 legs from that. It took about 3 hours until they were able to insert a line, one in the leg.


I held your hand and talked to you all that time, to make sure you remain with us. The room was a mess, lots of blood everywhere.

At a certain point you asked through the mask of the bi pap: "Did I have a rough day?" It turns out that you remembered and felt nothing from the last 3 hours. I was relieved to know that you didn't suffer all that time.
I think that God allowed me to know that, for what was about to come, that in the day in which you will pass, I will know that you don't feel any pain.

So I told you what happened. I remember your wise look, through all the mess around, with bleeding hands and legs, above the bi pap mask, the wise look of dr. Phil, thinking about it all. Calculating the situation. And then holding my hand tight, this time not only for yourself but for me as well. You knew how I felt. It was not only me holding you. It was also you holding me, not less. Your good hand, always gave me feeling of security. If you held me, nothing bad could have happened to us...

I didn't want to go to sleep until I couldn't stand anymore, but I made sure that you were in good hands. There was a respiratory therapist whom I trusted and he promised to watch you closely.

On my way to my room I praised God.
I though that the worst is over.