pberggren memorial thread

[crackers]

so sorry to hear of Phils passing.i remember when he joined the group back in 2009.there weren't many of us on here then and he made an immediate impact with his wit and wisdom.be at peace Phil.
John

[Alysia]

Time only make it worse because I miss him more & more & more....

[annekat]

Time only make it worse because I miss him more & more & more....

I still think that is to be expected at this point. There may come a time when time makes it a little easier to take. I hope so, for your sake. But it may be quite awhile. I'm just guessing, and no one can know how you feel or how you will feel years from now. It is good that you continue to express your feelings and stay in touch with all of us who care about you so much.

[mrtmeo]

The first couple months after the loss of a loved one have always been the absolute worst for me.
After that, it gets a little better.
I wish I knew what it takes to help.

[Alysia]

posting some pics. this one is from swift current, July 12. I made him laugh. he made me too.

[Alysia]

I know that friends on facebook and prob here prefer to see pics of my sweetie in good times and not hospital pics. but I was with him 8 weeks and 2 days in the hospital. aboout 14 hours a day. and I need to share it too. so here is my place for sharing this.

this is a pic from the morning when I was flying back to Israel (Aug 30 I think). it was heart breaking to leave him there. I was back 16 days later when he was already at the ICU. I wonder if I could save him if I could stay.....

[Alysia]

another pic from the day before . Aug 29. he was with so many tubes and wires and never complained. he is a real super hero. God, I love him so much

[drz]

These pix with tubes bring back some memories of some unpleasant tougher times. I think though it was harder for family to watch than it was to be the patient.

I do like the happy smiling one and that is the way to remember the joy you shared.

[me2]

I think your presence in Phil's life was only a good thing and you being physically there or not was small in comparison. Phil was very ill all on his own and you can't blame yourself for things that neither of you had control over.
Your pain will try and lead you down a different path than the joy that you felt knowing Phil. Let your shared love keep leading you back to a different one.
Its not fast or easy or linear. I'm sorry that you are going through this Alysia.
I like all the pictures of Phil and I look at them the way you do but I think drz is right about how others might see them.

I remember many years ago when my father was in ICU after triple bypass surgery the visual shock it was for me to see him hooked up to machines. It was not a good way for me to see him.

Now, after all I have been through I would not be bothered by that image. I see with different eyes now and I see in these photos what you want to share about Phil. Thank you.

[annekat]

Alysia, of course we like best seeing the happier, healthier Phil, in the good times he shared with you. But I think it is good that we see some of these ones from the hospital, too. It helps for us to share in the total experience, so you aren't so alone with those images. I, for one, don't mind seeing any pictures you'd like to share. I know I have already seen on Facebook a lot of pics that not everyone here has seen. If you could someday put together a special album of all the pics you'd like to share of your time in Canada, that would be very nice.

I like what Kirk wrote and I agree completely that you should feel no blame or "what ifs" about what happened. We are only human and we can only take one day at a time. The amount of time and effort you did put into being with Phil was way more than most people could have managed, especially considering the distance between your two homes. You were, and still are, a hero through all this, too.