Fast sliding out of control ... Stress stress stress :(

[Debbie C]

Inge, I'm so sorry the heartache and worry you are going through. If he hasn't come home or went to get his medicine isn't he still " missing " and the cops should still be looking for him. You should start taking names of the people you talk to so maybe you can ask for one of the ones that is more understanding. You can not blame yourselves for what he is doing or say you should of done this or that. He is not in his right mind and there is nothing you can do to change that. He needs professional help and if that place won't do it can't you have him admitted in the pysch ward at a hosp. for observation. You and your hubby need to take care of yourself and I pray that God is watching over him, keeping him safe and also both of you to give you peace of mind. Keep us posted

[ingemlb]

Debra there are a few problems. Yes I could take him to ED myself but he is 41 and would have to agree to come and he would flat-out refuse. So that leaves me with the Treatment Team and the CAT team which he is under. The Community Treatment Order forces him to front up for medication and if he fails to turn up he is deemed non=compliant in which case they can get the police to arrest him and lock him up. Otherwise only the CAT team or private Psychiatrist (which he doesn't have) can get him committed. I have asked this morning for a 2nd opinion by another psychiatrist in the team. As I am sure the short time they had to assess him wasn't enough to figure out how ill he currently is. I have rung the Carer help line and been given a few numbers to ring today if I feel up to it. One is the Commissioner for Mental Health. Going there would mean I am putting in a complaint of his treatment by the CAT team. That is a step I will weigh up carefully before I cross that line as I am sure it will not help us in future negotiations with them. So I may try the other carer help numbers and see what rights we have as parents to demand better treatment for our son. It makes it all very hard when you are dealing with someone who doesn't want treatment and who thinks he is not at all unwell and only obliging and being obedient taking the meds at all. When he is clearer in his mind he admits that the meds are helping him. That breakthrough we have only had since last year. However deep down he is still convinced nothing is wrong with him and it's all down to religious persecution. He used to say he was an apostle and future ruler of this country. That was enough to get him locked up before so he has become a bit more sly and avoids such obvious delusional expressions. However he keeps dropping the name Jesus now and how he too was persecuted and can't we see that the same thing is happening to him. My sister pointed out to me I should tell him yes but Jesus never forced it down anyone's throat. People were free to come and go to listen to what he had to say and he drew crowds of thousands to himself whereas when Peter wants to preach they all go running away. But he won't see it that way. He will see it as the devil working against him. Everything that doesn't go his way is demonic.

We will find out shortly if he complied and turned up today for his monthly injection. And if he did they have a chance to re-assess him but if they decide he is fine and let him go ... then we are back to no knowing where he is I can't figure out how he can keep going without any sleep for so many nights. Anyway his sleeping pattern has always been mucked up.

[ingemlb]

Our son turned up for his injection and the CAT team reassessed him and committed him to a psych ward for the time being. So we are MUCH relieved and hopefully they will figure out the best treatment options for him an once he is stable he will calm down and be able to resume the life he was loving up until a week ago Thanks for all your support and prayers. Much appreciated. We will give him a day to sleep as he hasn't slept in days and then go see him day after tomorrow.

[BookNut]

So glad that you know where he is! What a relief for you.

[annekat]

Awesome, Inge, that he not only got his needed meds but was committed to the psych ward for his own good. Which turns out to be for your good, too! Now you can relax knowing he is in good hands, can sleep, eat, and be cared for, and you can go on and live your lives for the time being. I wish him the best care and that he gets stabilized so you can have a normal relationship with your son again.

[ingemlb]

Yes Jacquie. We can sleep tonight knowing he is warm, fed and comfortable and safe. Hopefully good will come out of this. In a few days he may be over his episode and get back to normal. At least we hope so. The Residence are more than happy to have him back once he is stable.

First I had a call from the police and that shocked me. When he turned up for his injection the CAT team had to call the police to say they had him there. They then sent a constable to interview him to make sure he was who he said he was and to determine his mental state. The police officer rang me up. Said she spoke with Peter and he is "fine" nothing to worry about. They can't arrest him under the mental health act because he is aware of what he is doing and not showing any danger of self harm or harming others. In fact he was very friendly and cooperative. So ... case dismissed. He is not considered missing even though he had no address to offer where to contact him.

So I was dumbfounded how all that could be established by a police officer having a friendly chat. Peter is well able to hold a very intelligent conversation for a short period and if you don't know the right questions to ask you may never see the other side of him. Anyway I sat here wondering what was next when the CAT team called and FINALLY said they had committed him. I am sure they did it more because we all wore them down than anything else Anyway now they can observe him around the clock and see what it is like to live with him and it may well be the episode is wearing off and he may surprise us all and act quite normal in a day or so.

He just sent me a text telling me where he was and didn't seem upset so I told him to catch up on some sleep and we would bring him in anything he needed tomorrow. So hopefully he will do that now

[ingemlb]

Thanks Anne. Looking forward to a good night's sleep

[LisaT]

What a nightmare you're going through, Inge. It sounds as though your son is very resourceful even when in a psychotic episode, and that while he bothers people he doesn't hurt them. Two potentially comforting aspects of a terribly difficult situation. There's way too much stress on you right now and I'm glad your family is gathering round. Perhaps one of them can get on the phone and open up a can of whoop-ass. Ask for a supervisor or go over their heads to whoever is in charge of the 27 people who keep changing their tune. That's not good enough. Wishing you strength and peace. You will get through this.. Take care if yourself.

[Debbie C]

Inge, so happy for you that he is in the hosp. getting the help he needs. And now you and your hubby can relax and you need to concentrate on getting yourself better.

[ingemlb]

Thanks Debra and Lisa Managed a great night's sleep. I was drop dead tired by 8pm so took my evening meds an hour early and took off to bed. Didn't even need to bother with Melatonin or valium. I was just about asleep when a massive cramp/spasm hit my left shin. Now these spasm are ultra painful and force you to get up and hop about. They take usually up to 30 minutes to settle. I was hopping mad so to speak. Took a valium as that is also a relaxant. Anyway eventually it went and I was still asleep before 9pm so woke up feeling quite refreshed.

Thinking about yesterday I had this feeling I was the mother from hell. I had 3 different members of the CAT team ring me up to inform me that our son was locked away. They were obviously concerned about me. My husband said well you really got through. When I think about the histrionics the nervous breakdowns the almost yelling into the phone over the last week I am sure they locked him away because they were worried otherwise I would get locked away. In fact I felt VERY close to having myself admitted to hospital on several occasions I am glad the Residence he lives in were the ones that started all this and were absolutely convinced he was psychotic or I may have given in and decided I was making a mistake.

Yes Lisa he is VERY RESOURCEFUL. He is highly intelligent. Has some really great literary and oratory skills. Has spent all his time studying various areas of interest the main one of course the Bible which he can almost quote verbatim but he is also very interested in a topic called NLP (NEURO LINGUISTIC PROGRAMMING) and has read a lot about the mind. He has copies of nearly every New Age positive power talk set on CD's ever developed and listens to some very powerful speakers. So HE KNOWS IT ALL except he can't diagnose himself. His aim was always to go to university and become a psychiatrist. The non-practical side of him stops him from aiming for anything beneath his dignity so a simple job simply won't do so its that or nothing but even to attempt THAT is too much hard work so he doesn't pursue it. In the past whenever someone has asked for help he had to THINK ABOUT IT and by the time he finished thinking about it the job was done.

Hence my shock and surprise when 3 weeks ago I received the following email from the owner of the Residence. I am sharing it here to show you how unexpected his sudden change of behaviour was:

Hi Inge ,

Just letting you know how well Peter is doing he seem to have in settled well at Eltham is chatty and even walking around with his head up .

When lm there he makes an effort to find me and Paul to speak .

Likes to help out to if he can .

Im impressed . JOANNE.

I REPLIED TO HER:

Thank you so much Joanne for your feedback. Yes we are finding a complete change in Peter. Eltham is doing him good. He likes the village style atmosphere and the Villa as well. He doesn't have the grief he had with the residents in Reservoir and this has allowed him to de-stress and recover quite a bit. Also of course he is on more medication. He now takes oral Zyprexa each day (on top of the injections) and was prescribed an antidepressant. No idea why the austin took him off the anti-depressant early last year.

We have noticed he is now more and more referring to "home" when he talks of his room at the Villa. A few times he was going to spend a few days here and then decided he preferred to go "home". This shows growth and that he is finding his feet away from our place.

It's been hard for us to let go of him. We keep reminding ourselves that it's important he learns to become independent but of course as parents you want to help out when you see your son struggle.

Main issue we now see is his room being overcrowded. At one stage he was thinking of starting to sell some of his things via ebay but that idea hasn't been mentioned lately Dennis will visit him one day this week and see what he can do to help him organise his room a bit better. If in conversations with Peter you can encourage him to make his room a bit more accessible would be great. I am sure in the end he would enjoy not having so much stuff stacked up on the floor. But he does cling to his things. I guess they make him feel "at home" and in his own space.

Thanks for your caring and your help Kind Regards, Inge.

So you see it's not as if the owner of the Residence had it in for him. Which is why I had to believe her cry for help. So that kept me sane throughout this entire process. Peter claims this lady hates religion and that is why she is making these "new" rules not to talk religion in public places of the residence. He can't see it's his sudden change in behaviour that has brought on these rules.

Talking resourceful I am not sure if I posted this above but my brother was staying with us a few weeks ago and shared with me how Peter showed him how easy it was to survive in the streets. He said people throw half their meals away. So showed his uncle how all you do is go to a fast food outlet and retrieve the half eaten remainders from the bin. Next I found out that he no longer buys cigarettes. I had been wondering how he could afford to chain smoke the way he does and kept thinking he is asking people for free cigs. but no .. .he collects butts out of all the ashtrays and takes out any remaining tobacco and then rolls his own from that. His brother confirmed it. On a recent visit he took over all his ashtray rubbish too !!! When I told my sister yesterday she said "So what are you worried about. He seems to have better survival skills than the homeless"

Of course for a week I had nightmares about my son living on garbage. However I had to remind myself that it was all totally ridiculous. He gets fed very good food where he lives. He eats well when he visits us and we give him money to buy snacks and send him home with food parcels for his fridge and freezer. So there is absolutely no need for him to scrounge around in bins. I guess he sleeps through his meals, feels hungry down the street, never has ready cash so helps himself to other people's leftovers Anyway I have to let go of it all and let him make even some of these ridiculous decisions and besides I am not supposed to know about it.

I am getting counselling and that helped me last year when we had to move Peter out of home. I am sure my counsellor will help me change my attitude to how to accept that our son won't always want to live the way we feel is best for him and to let go more and more and let him make his own mistakes. Which is all so much easier when he is not psychotic of course.