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Thread: stress is not good for us

  1. #41
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    Hi hope today is a better day
    Smile, breathe and go slowly. Because of your smile, you make life more beautiful. Thich Nhat Hahn

    dxn 11/13

  2. #42
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    Alysia my Psychiatrist noticed I was not all that bubbly and happy during my last visit. Didn't even notice it myself anymore. I think depression sneaks up on you and you don't always know how down you are. Anyway he told me it's not only the Pred that makes you depressed but it's a fact that inflammation also causes a lot of depression and anxiety. So as inflammation is a given in our lives we are therefor far more sensitive to stress than others. He told me not to be scared of taking the odd valium to calm down my mind.

    I had a rather stressful session again today. It's funny how things always come in multiples. First I had a phone call from our son who has been waiting for a week to get his internet back on. It may sound like something trivial but as he is paranoid about mobile phones we organised for him to have mobile internet so that when he is out and about we can still contact him or he us as he can send emails (via his laptop) to my phone. That takes away some of the stress. When he uses up his internet allowance then we feel quite cut off. He has a phone in his room (free from our Telstra provider which allows him to receive but not make calls) so I know when he is out ... he doesn't answer his phone so when he is gone for a whole day I tend to stress out. Anyway over a year ago we were successful in getting an Administrator assigned to manage his finances, all part of making him less dependant on us. Well it's been an uphill battle with the Administrators (State Trustees here in Melbourne) as we seem to get dragged into the mess all the time. Since late last year we have been trying to get them to add his internet bill to their list of bills to be paid. They have been deducting the amount from the cash they give him 2x a week (he only gets 25.00 2x a week the rest goes to pay his board and chemist bills) So they have the money for it sitting in his account. I found out a few months ago they had not paid a single bill. We only found out when his internet was cut off. I was in hospital at the time so got a bit upset with them as this was not the first stuff up. So they claimed they would fix it. However to get him online quickly we paid the bill and deducted it from money from what we provide to them to supplement his board money. About a month ago I was checking his account and noticed that all his invoices were unpaid since the time we paid them. So the Administrator had not paid a single bill. i blew up and rang them and sorted it all out. Today our son rings us that his internet was cut off and he visited the local ISP office (well not all that local, required a bus ride) and was told his account was in arrears and hence they put a stop on it. So once again I rang the State Trustees told them what's the point of having them as administrators (a service by the way they also charge for) when we as his parents have to continuously check up on them. I said I was too ill for this and furious that a month after our last discussions bills were still not paid. First they told me no invoice had arrived yet. I told them to look again because I personally had emailed them copies off all outstanding invoices. They said the check had been sent 2 weeks ago however not been cashed. Well so it may be but I also reminded them that I am waiting since the beginning of the year to get a statement sent to me to show me how they have spent his money. That has now been sent twice to the wrong address. By now I was ready to explode.
    I was still totally stressed out when someone seemed to have gotten into our locked front yard and was rattling the blinds on my window and yelling out at the top of his voice. My husband went out to investigate. The guy said he was offering to service our car. We believe it was someone casing the place to see who was home. So now we were both shook up. Finally I remembered the valium and took one. Then we sat down and watched a movie to distract ourselves.

    It's things one usually can take in ones stride that show me that I am not coping with even the slightest amount of stress. So it's a vicious cycle. Inflammation causes stress and stress causes flare ups of inflammation. We need to be very gentle with ourselves.

    Yesterday I was in a mess crying about feeling a total failure. In Dec 2010 my Mum moved in with us. Something we had always planned for when she could no longer look after herself. 2011 was the hardest year of my life. Mum was a terrible hoarder. Getting her to give up her things (a house with 3 bedrooms and a lounge, a large attic and 2 giant sheds in the backyard totally full of stuff most of which had rotted) was a total nightmare and getting Mum to adjust to no longer being independent, giving up a house that was falling down around her ears and which she was not keen to get help to keep clean and sort out (she was legally blind and couldn't see the mess) it was hard for all. For Mum and for us. I had overestimated my health and by the end of the year I was a total mess and my sister came to the rescue and invited Mum to move to NZ to live with her. Which worked out well because a new start made it much easier for Mum to let go of all she had here. After one year of arguing about every item that had to be disposed she took off to NZ with a suitcase . We then had to sell the house and that made 2012 a very hard year. Also we had a few trips to NZ to visit Mum and see how she was doing. Then 2013 was the year from hell when my own illness really flared and Mum became more and more ill then had a massive fall and badly broke her hip in August which was the beginning of the end. She died a week before Christmas. At the same time earlier in the year our son had a bad psychotic episode and we had to finally decide he needed to move out of our house as we were finding it harder to cope and felt also that he had no incentive to better himself and to become a bit more independent, something he was actually capable of. It was a hair raising situation all year.

    So yesterday I was crying and telling my husband I feel such a terrible failure. I failed Mum and I failed our son. I always felt very strong about us having a house that could be a haven for the family if anyone was in need. And I am totally disappointed that for the 2 most in need this did not work out. My husband had to remind me how sick I am and how hard it all was but still I was totally depressed. So I guess I have to remind myself it's not the circumstances that depress us but our illness and on top of that the toxic drugs we need to take.

    I am sharing this to help others understand that we are able to over react even to small issues. When major issues aries it's almost impossible to cope.

    My Psychiatrist would like to prescribe me some kind of mild dose antidepressant but the one he had in mind can't be taken with Tramadol and as that seems to be the only pain med left that helps me I don't really want to leave myself without it. So I guess I have to stick to the odd valium and remember to take it when the panic or anxiety or depression hits rather than when I am so worked up I can't think straight any more

    Alysia i hope your situation improves and you get some peace. I think it is good to share our concerns. Sometimes it helps just to write about them. I should probably go back to writing in my journal something i started early in the year and stopped when this all got out of control.

    Take care and be gentle with yourself.
    "Slow and Steady wins the Race"
    All the best, Inge

  3. #43
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    Wow, Inge. You have been through a parade of major stressful experiences. Dealing with unfair and what amounts to criminal treatment by bureaucracy, the family issues and the loss of your mother, all on top of having WG and other significant health issues. The stuff you have been through would cause major stress to most people without an autoimmune or any other particular disease. I hope it made you feel better to write it all out, and to know that we will read it and understand a lot about your situation. And I, too, wish for Alysia a resolution to the things that are stressing her out, and for both of you to keep the Wegs dog at bay during these difficult times.
    Anne, dx'ed April 2011

  4. #44
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    Inge it's sad that you have had to go through all this. It's very difficult to deal with issues when we're ill, so please don't beat yourself up too badly. I know it's hard to accept our own limitations (especially since being sick), but I think that's an important part of our mental healing process. I'm currently struggling with this myself.

    As far as the antidepressant goes, there are many different ones on the market. Maybe you can ask for a different one. Valium helps with the stress, but doesn't help with the depression. For long term management of depression you need the antidepressant or you will have big highs and lows similar to your BG levels. That will do more harm than good.

    I hope that you have a good day today and remember, "what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger."
    Cindy



    Earth is just a stopover and whatever you achieve there is only a small part of the deal. The Afterlife Of Billy Fingers


  5. #45
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    Inge, that is a LOT to go through in a few short years. From the outside looking in, you haven't failed anybody. You've done everything possible for your mom and your son, and you've helped your son become more independent. I can relate to the feeling, because I have spent far too much time and too many tears feeling like I've failed my family too... Sometimes it's as simple a thing as a shrivelled plant I forgot to water or a sink full of dirty dishes and I'm beating myself up over everything I can't do or don't do well enough... When my kids are upset that I can't go on a field trip or wonder allowed why we don't bake 'from scratch' it kills me. All I can say is it helps to focus on what we can and do accomplish, and what we're able to give them even when it's not a concrete or physical accomplishment. The most important things: our unconditional love, support, understanding... And being there to see, hear, love and understand them. These are the things they need the most and what they will remember and feel about these times. Your son is so fortunate to have you on his side. It's not easy caring for a family member who is mentally ill, and it seems like you've set up the best situation you can to allow him some independence but also still oversee his affairs and care for him and keep in touch. Be kind to yourself. What would you say to a good friend in your position? Say it to yourself...

    Thanks for for sharing all of that. I can totally relate. And it's a good point about the inflammation causing depression. Kind of like pain and depression, it seems it can be a vicious cycle. Have you thought about trying any of the herbs or natural remedies for depression? You'd need to run it by a dr or pharmacist but I've heard some of them can help. Might be worth looking into.

    Alysia i I hope your stress has settled down too, or will very soon if it hasn't. Hugs to both of you.
    Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
    - English proverb.

  6. #46
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    The administration for managing son's finances sounds awfully inept. Here is USA one can generally hire or select appropriate 'guardians" to manage finances. The trick is to find some one who is responsible and able and willing to work with your son. If is often a difficult job and it pays very little so it is sort of a volunteer position to help people who need such services to pay their bills. They have to provide records to court to confirm their management of the money which can also be reviewed. The court will replace them if they are inept and can prosecute them if they are dishonest.

    Do you have any options of replacing the horrible manager your son now has?
    Knowledge is power! Wisdom is using it to make good decisions!

  7. #47
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    drz my counsellor told me to go back to the tribunal and ask them to do an audit of the Administration service. Trouble is I am physically not up to going through all that again right now. So I need to just struggle on with what's in place until I feel a bit better.

    Thanks everyone for caring and your words of comfort. if it continues the Psychiatrist will do something. In the meantime I have another counselling appointment next monday so will see how that goes or back to the GP to discuss the problem.
    "Slow and Steady wins the Race"
    All the best, Inge

  8. #48
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    Inge, I'm so sorry to hear about that. I know these problems are not easily solved and feel outside of your control which makes it even more stressful. On the other hand, I'm so happy to hear that you are working with a psychiatrist to help with your anxiety and depressive symptoms. It is easier said than done to get the help you need! I have put off reaching out to a psychologist for help with my anxiety (existing before and after health problems) and it seems like the other demands of work and attending to my treatment gives me more of an excuse to continue putting it off. I would probably benefit from seeing a psychologist even more so now that I have additional emotional stress from this chronic condition. I think I'll make that appointment today...

  9. #49
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    Quote Originally Posted by lag713 View Post
    Inge, I'm so sorry to hear about that. I know these problems are not easily solved and feel outside of your control which makes it even more stressful. On the other hand, I'm so happy to hear that you are working with a psychiatrist to help with your anxiety and depressive symptoms. It is easier said than done to get the help you need! I have put off reaching out to a psychologist for help with my anxiety (existing before and after health problems) and it seems like the other demands of work and attending to my treatment gives me more of an excuse to continue putting it off. I would probably benefit from seeing a psychologist even more so now that I have additional emotional stress from this chronic condition. I think I'll make that appointment today...
    Glad to hear you are taking action. I have been getting counselling for a number of years and don't know how I would have coped without it given our situation. Not only my health issues but dealing with complicated family matters. Our oldest son is a recovering alcoholic and I needed counselling to cope with it and the counsellor had me prepared to jump into action once he put up his hand to ask for help. It's been nearly 7 years now since he has been off all alcohol and drugs and he too is now seeing a psychiatrist to help him cope with his depression. He had been self-harming quite a while. Then our youngest son suffers from Schizophrenia and without my counsellor I don't think I would have had the courage to move him out of home or to even know how to go about it. She was a wealth of information. Assigned to me originally by a local Carer's group.

    The Psychiatrist was assigned to me within hospital shortly after diagnosis and the pred nearly turned me psychotic. The doctors decided I needed to see someone and the good thing was he understood immediately that it was the Pred that pushed me over the edge. So I decided to stick with him after I left hospital and the carer's group gave me some more counselling sessions as well as even though our son is not living with us we are still officially his carers. Sometimes it seems that we are even more involved now since he has moved out as before he was simply becoming a hermit in a bungalow in our back yard and slowly degenerating into some feral being who didn't feel the need to wash himself or clean his surroundings Trouble is he was not compliant with his medication and started drinking a lot so now they have him on a community treatment order and he gets his meds via monthly injections. IT has made all the difference in the world. Almost like we have our son back and we can be parents again instead of the monsters constantly on his back and treating him "like a child" instead of a 40 yo adult. Well his behaviour was more that of a permanent teenager. But now there are longer and longer periods where he is quite mature in his outlook and tells us he likes where he is living and has made contact with friends and church and also made new friends in his little community.

    So I am VERY THANKFUL that I decided years ago I couldn't do it on my own. I found a book in the city which said "how to shop for a shrink" and it explained that there is no stigma attached in getting counselling or psychiatric help in fact it was in many instances a sign of strength that you are willing to admit you need the help So you have made the first step. Made the decision to act. I hope you go through with it. It may take you a bit to find the person you can best relate to but hang in there. The first sessions are not always easy because a lot is dredged up but once you get beyond those things improve
    "Slow and Steady wins the Race"
    All the best, Inge

  10. #50
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    That is quite a bit of family stress. I'm sorry about those issues. Addiction is a powerful force and it is difficult to help someone in that state. I'm glad your oldest son has been off of drugs and alcohol for nearly 7 years and is seeking help. That is really wonderful to hear. What a success!

    I used to work with families with children with autism. Autism and schizophrenia have almost nothing in common except your experience as a caregiver can be quite similar. It is so difficult to want something better for your child yet be unable to help them the way you want to help. I'm so happy that the counselors were able to help you through the process. It seems like your youngest son is in a much better place now and is making good progress. I hope things continue to improve for him and your relationship.

    I've never been worried about the stigma attached to getting counseling but I felt like I would be able to work out problems on my own. Obviously, that hasn't quite worked!

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