Feeling Sorry For Me Today

[Poppy64]

Well today is my day of feeling sorry for myself. I'm just so tired and done with this awful disease and medicine that makes you feel worse. I felt better before I was diagnosed. I couldn't breath and sounded like Darth Vader but I didn't feel achy and tired every day. I was diagnosed end of August. Have had 4 bronchoscopies and 3 rituxan infusions since then. Started off with 80mgs of predisone along with cyclophophosphamide, Bactrim, omprazole, 2 inhalers and singular. Am now on a high blood pressure pill and am down to 2.5 Mgs of predisone and taking everything but the cyclophosophamide. Got pneumonia after my 2nd infusion and the flu (I did get my flu shot) after my 3rd infusion. Scheduled for another bronchoscopy Thursday. I also work full time 5 days a week and oh, going through menopause and hot flashes all day and night! Im trying to not let this disease run my life. have only taken 1 day off from work since i have been diagnosed. i go in after infusions and bronchs. I'm tired, my body is tired, I'm achy and scared. So now I vented and I'm gonna put on my big girl pants and get through this. Sorry for the rant just needed to get this out. Thanks for all your support.

[Allisonquast]

Oh poppy hang in there ! I'm amazed you have worked while going through this. You are very strong!
I'm just the caregiver and I've had to take time off work. I am familiar with the hot flashes etc, maybe your doc can give you to help with that. It's tough on its own. Stay as strong as you are mentally and you'll feel gain your physical strength back.

[Pete]

I can't imagine working full-time while in the active phase of this disease. Hope you feel better soon!

[vdub]

Not to worry. Its pretty normal to go through this phase. It could last a couple years, but eventually you will find your new limitations and boundaries. Once you find your limits and start settling into your new life, things aren't quite so bad. It takes a while, though. It took me 3 years. Hang in there. No harm in crying once in a while.

[windchime]

Poppy I admire you for working through the entire mess. Wow. Sounds like you are in need of some rest. There are others on here that have worked through it too, but I think it would make your recovery slower since you are not getting the much needed rest that also goes with this disease. Are you able to take a leave of absence? If taking off is not an option for you, is it possible to work a reduced schedule for awhile. Something to give you a little down time to recover.

All the added illness has not helped to be sure. Full recovery from pneumonia and the flu can take weeks. So some of what you're feeling may be residuals from those two illnesses. Best to you and keep us posted.

PS It's okay to feel sorry for yourself. We all have one, two, or three times before. Hang in there, this too shall pass.

[renidrag]

I too can't imagine working full time with all you have gone through. Ranting is good for you and we here understand. I hope you can find some you time soon
Dale

[Debbie C]

Poppy,I also can't believe you are working thru all of this. Can you see about getting disability or getting a note from your dr. saying you need time off ? I don't see how you are doing this it's now wonder you need to rant. I do it all the time and I am not working. And then going thru menapause on top of it Stress only makes it worse so try to take a break from it all...Take care

[Poppy64]

Thanks everyone for your encouragement. I think the working part is actually keeping me sane. My husband and I also have a 17 year old daughter with down syndrome who is also legally blind, non verbal and totally dependent on us. Wouldn't trade her for anything. Love her with all my heart. My pity day is over and I am feeling much better today. Just needed to let it out.

[Alysia]

Hi Poppy,
thanks for sharing. we are here, just to be with you, for whatever...
I understand and know about the things that you are going through... the pains, the fears, the fatigue.
I also work and there are days in which it is so tough to endure the day, when feeling so bad.... sometimes I am kind of "holding"/forcing myself to do what I need to do, and then, after it, I cant stand on my feet anymore...
try to find more rest... take care and continue to write.

[ingemlb]

Hi Poppy. I am amazed by your strength. I can understand how work can distract and stop you from focusing on the illness all the time but with that heavy load I can't imagine how you can pull it off. Your daughter although adding joy also adds stress. Our youngest son suffers from Schizophrenia and it is a constant worry for us and since me coming home from hospital he has had a psychotic episode. He is 40 but more like a teenager. Venting is great. But don't go too hard on yourself. As others said , rest is very important to help with healing and you don't want to give this illness any more power than it already has.

Don't know where you live and what your situation is with sick days but I would strongly recommend not pushing yourself this hard and taking time to recover. Especially on treatment days, surely there must be ways to be able to take those days off.

All the best. Inge.