Living By Myself/Does anyone else?

[me2]

Thanks Anne, that is very kind of you. I think I'm doing ok though, just slow - or not moving at all. ha The weather is cooperating a little and the wood is holding up better than it was. I'm glad you like the kindling. Let me know if you run out , I'll bring some more over.

[annekat]

Thanks Anne, that is very kind of you. I think I'm doing ok though, just slow - or not moving at all. ha The weather is cooperating a little and the wood is holding up better than it was. I'm glad you like the kindling. Let me know if you run out , I'll bring some more over.

You're welcome, Kirk. Same here with the wood, with the warmer weather. But I've still got some scrounging to do. We can communicate more in private messages. That kindling should last me awhile. I like the crackling and popping noises it makes.

[Alysia]

to my dear weggie family

[Carol]

Hi Lilly I am the one who spoke about Meditation ages ago. there are many meditation CD's around - you just put them on and listen. Kelly Howell is well know for her meditations - but you need to use headphones to get the sound in stereo. Google her name and her CD's. I do like spoken ones rather than just music or sounds as sometime I get quite agitated with those. there are singing bowl meditations which are quite nice and no words. go into a alternative shop and you will find heaps. There may even be some in your local library or medical centre. The thing is to find a couple - do not do too many different ones I have been told - that you like and feel comfortable about. Someone gave me a self hypnosis one but my husband was not comfortable about me doing it so I didn't. You can google a mantra ie a single word and find one that you feel comfortable with and just say this silently to yourself. Don't force it - if other thoughts come into your mind eg must buy some bread..... then gently push it out and return back to your mantra. Goodluck with it. Meditation in a group seems to magnify the benefit and I'm sure that you will find something in your community. Just ask around - you will be surprised just what is going on locally. Meditation heals in a different way to sleep I found. Oh yes I never meditate or sleep in my bed - that is soley for sleeping in at night. I had 3 other positions in my house according to the sun, time of day, etc where I could meditate. Because I was so sick I didn't sit up on a chair. hope this is helpful even if it is so long after the original post you made. Regards Carol Australia

[Lilly]

Hi Carol, Thank you so very much for the information. I have written it down, and Im going to look into groups in the community, and just get one or two CD's for myself. Ill see if I like the music only, or the speaking. I have a feeling I will prefer the speaking. No need to apologize for taking awhile on getting back to me. It was just at the right time for me! I will let you know when I begin and how I like it. Sometimes I do a little meditating when I am really stressed...(I guess you may could call it meditating). If I feel overloaded or just sad, or aggravated about something, I will just sit and close my eyes and clear my mind. I Pray for peace, and just give myself time for myself. I am looking forward to learning how to really meditate. Thanks again! I hope you are doing well, feeling well, and are happy. I will talk to you soon~

[LisaT]

Lilly, I'm also one who hates unpacking. When I move it takes me forever to get things unpacked. I mean months and months. Amazingly the stuff doesn't go away, it sits there and makes me feel guilty. Oh well. I just don't like doing it. I do need a hobby though. I'm drawn to painting but have no clue where to start. Any suggestions, anyone?

perhaps this his will make you feel better about the unpacking: we moved three years ago and still have so many boxes fill of stuff and extra furniture in our garage that we have no room in there for a car. I try to put blinders on and ignore the yet to be unpacked boxes (if we haven't needed the stuff in three years we should probably toss it), half-finished or barely-started projects, things and places that need reorganizing... I have an ongoing guilt-inducing list of things I want to do and that need to be done, and most days it's all I can manage to feed my family and occasionally clean up the mess in the kitchen that results from feeding everyone. My kids sometimes (ok, often) dress themselves from the clean laundry sitting in baskets because I haven't put it away.... It is hard not to always feel bad about these things but we can't push ourselves or we get sicker and I try to go easy on myself about it. Our kids, pets, even we ourselves will appreciate and remember fun, creativity, time with loved ones. We will not look back and be pleased that we kept our houses perfect and unpacked all of our boxes at the expense of the truly important things!

[LisaT]

I could really relate to your feelings at the beginning of this thread, Lilly. I often get depressed and anxious and that can be very isolating because we tend to want to be alone and not around others when we feel this way. I call it 'turtling'. I hide in my shell and mope or cry until I'm more presentable for the rest of the world. The key, I think, is to have a few people you can allow in so that you're not always so alone during these times. I have been meaning to find a counsellor or psychologist to talk with too, as others have suggested. I know in Canada, people who are on disability etc. can also access publicly-funded social workers who provide counselling. Perhaps there is something similar in your area?

Finally, your painting and creative outlets: for me, this is key to stopping the ruminating, anxiety, grief... One of the only things that takes me out of my own head and into the present moment is the creative process... Drawing, painting, writing, whatever. Last week it was string art after I helped my daughter and some of her friends do a project! I would love to see your paintings and/or jewelry. In fact, I've been curious about all of the creations mentioned in posts elsewhere on the forum. Maybe on the Weggies talent outlet thread people could post pictures of their visual arts in addition to written words? I'd love to see them all. Art, colour and things that sparkle are some of my favourite distractions. I've recently started trying to do 'zen tangles', a meditative sort of doodling. I'll post one if I can figure out how... It really helps me relax when my inner critic lays off about it being a waste of time that should come at the end of the list after all of my responsibilities.... This is what I say to her (the inner critic):

[Joanne]

Hi Lily, I am a new member and I was really touched by your story, and particularly your gorgeous little dog Bo. You must miss him terribly. I don't live alone as I am fortunate to have a very active and lively 18 year old son who keeps me on my toes and laughing constantly, even on very bad days. From your story, you seem to be a very loving, giving and talented person who has certainly been through the ringer, and I'm so glad you've got great family to support you. Don't give up on finding a new boyfriend or partner. Why shouldn't you find love again, when you've got so much to give? It happens all the time, and in all circumstances! Even though you may not feel too positive right now I think there's so much hope for, and you clearly have a lot going for you, despite your illness. I didn't realize myself how depressing long-term ill health and pain can be, and if there's any good that's come out of it for me, it's given me a deeper understanding of what other people endure which I didn't have before. I wondered if you had thought of helping out at an animal shelter when you've feeling better? We have them in the UK and they never have any shortage of volunteers and I'm sure they'd make allowances for when you're not so good. I haven't had any pets since I started getting ill as ours were elderly and eventually died and like you, I didn't want to take on the responsibility again because of my health etc. Losing my dog was the worst pain ever too! But recently a little scraggly cat from over the road has befriended us. She was initially very grumpy and anti-social, now she is the sweetest little thing ever, and she's taken my mind of a lot of things. It's amazing what a little mutual tlc can do! When she's wailing at the door, I have no choice but to get up and see to her, even if I'm in a lot of pain and discomfort. Focusing on someone or something that you love or care about really helps. I'm sure you'll be feeling better soon and I also agree that counselling can be really helpful, as it's your chance to focus completely on yourself. Good luck with everything and I that hope you are feeling so much better soon.

[windchime]

perhaps this his will make you feel better about the unpacking: we moved three years ago and still have so many boxes fill of stuff and extra furniture in our garage that we have no room in there for a car. I try to put blinders on and ignore the yet to be unpacked boxes (if we haven't needed the stuff in three years we should probably toss it), half-finished or barely-started projects, things and places that need reorganizing... I have an ongoing guilt-inducing list of things I want to do and that need to be done, and most days it's all I can manage to feed my family and occasionally clean up the mess in the kitchen that results from feeding everyone. My kids sometimes (ok, often) dress themselves from the clean laundry sitting in baskets because I haven't put it away.... It is hard not to always feel bad about these things but we can't push ourselves or we get sicker and I try to go easy on myself about it. Our kids, pets, even we ourselves will appreciate and remember fun, creativity, time with loved ones. We will not look back and be pleased that we kept our houses perfect and unpacked all of our boxes at the expense of the truly important things!

I agree with if I haven't used it in 3 years it can probably be tossed. I do that with clothes. The boxes still need to be gone through, however. Never know what valuable tidbit might be in there. How about 1 box a week. Now with me I don't have a garage so I've got to go haul mine in from storage. Got me to thinking.....scary as that is.

[LisaT]

I really think you should go speak to someone who specializes in mental health, as I think that would really help you to get yourself out of this hole.

It sounds to me like you feel like you have nothing to live for and just go through the motions... You need to find a hobby, or a person, or a job, or something that you're passionate enough about to keep you going.

I've been thinking about your situation, Lilly. I wonder whether there are support groups in your area? Ideally, someone with Weg's but even people with a similar disease and experience. I think it helps so much to know that someone really gets it, and to be able to help that person because you get what they're going through too. You sound like you have a lot of love to give and perhaps have trouble finding a sense of purpose if there isn't someone around to give it to, whether it's a pet, friends, family (it's great that you have a close and supportive family to lean on), or other people going through similar experiences. It makes sense that that would be difficult. So much of what used to be part of one's identity is gone or radically changed by the illness; relationships and connecting with others can be a big motivation to keep moving. I keep looking and asking around for a support group near me because even my best friend who suffers her own disability and understands and empathizes more than most, can't really understand. I feel like it would make such a difference to have even one person who goes through similar experiences to get together with, commiserate with, celebrate the successes and help each other out whenever able. The closest thing I've found so far is an arthritis group that meets in the evening half an hour from my house, which just isn't feasible with my fatigue. I'll keep looking though. I wonder whether there might be a group or even a person that you can get in touch with. I hear you about your little dog Bo, too! We got a dog a year ago and she is my little furry saviour. Unconditional love and cuddles can be such a comfort. Maybe you could consider a pet again if you could have a plan in place to leave him or her with family or friends if you go away. We found a really nice lady through the rescue agency from which we adopted Lexy, who will dog-sit her at her own home when we're away.

I don't live alone but I can see that it could be lonely and perhaps scary with this illness. When we don't feel well and can't go out it can be isolating even living with family. Are your parents and sisters able to pop in and see you and help when you're not up to going out? Sometimes it's just nice to feel taken care of a little bit...

I'm glad you've been inspired to start painting and making jewelry again and can't wait to see some of your work! And I agree with Phil and the others who've said you may well find love again. You are so much more than your disease.