Hi Lilly, Oh yes I can relate to your story, I had prostate cancer a few years ago, so had an op and they have been monitering me ever since, my partner of 15yrs didn't understand how that affected the way it changed me mentally, so we split up, but after a while a year or so, she realized how much I did with and for her, so wanted me back. by that time I had grown away from her and felt better about myself, and didn't feel the same way. It was just after that she commited suicide, and wow then the guilt feelings hit me hard. After quite a long time I met someone else, but that didn't work out, since then I have met a few others but nothing seems to go right and I feel it must be something in me that's not responding how I used to be. What happened next was my left hip was getting bad, so I had x-rays and they found out that I had arthritis badly, and then to top it all off I got this Wegie thing and couldn't walk for about 4 weeks after coming out of hospital. Luckily I had a really good friend, a mate who I met through the motorcycle club I used to run ( I don't have any family ) apart from a sister who rings me and asks how I am, then before I can answer, tells me all about how ill her and her husband are. Just before last Christmas my best buddy died, the one who used to help me out. So yes I can relate to your lonelyness, and lack of energy, crying, depression and not wanting to do anything. I do force myself to go out on a Saturday night as I love live bands, and there is a Pub quite near that has them on, but even that makes me depressed seeing couples together, going back home on my own afterwards. I feel so lonely most of the time, the phone only rings when someone is trying to sell me something or one of my friends has trouble with their car, motorbike, plumbing, clock etc, as I am a very practical engineering sort of guy. None of them understands my illness, but I have found a wonderful new tool, it's a leaflet by John Mills of Vasculitis UK, called "Understanding Vasculitis" so I am going to pass it round to friends, neighbours, doctors, nurses etc, and just hope that someone understands how I feel, at last.

I think this site is wonderful, but nothing can replace face to face talking, or a kiss and cuddle with someone who cares.
Look after your family, they are one of the most precious things in the world !!

Sorry I don't think I've been much help to you, but remember you're still young. Not an old cogger like me at 69.


I wish you all of the best for the future Acker