User Tag List

Likes Likes:  0
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 18

Thread: What would you do ???

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    Ohio
    Posts
    1,970
    Post Thanks / Like
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default What would you do ???

    I am in a position that I don't know which way to turn. I live with my 86 yr old mother who suffers from high blood pressure and severe back pain after 4 sugeries gone bad. So she is not doing well. I also live with my sister who is 66 and 64 yr old brother. My brother and I moved back from Fl. to help my mother after my father passed away and my sister lived with her after she bought this house that is too big for then to take care of. Well the house is becoming smaller and smaller.My sister a.k.a. "the princess" thinks she owns the place and does nothing to help and anything she wants. I have not spoke a word to her in 2 months. And my brother always sides with her on everything and my mother doesn't say a word because she doesn't want to start trouble. So here I am a.k.a. " the bitch". I can not take this way of living any more. My other sister and her boyfriend are going back to Fl. in Oct for the winter and live at his house,so she said I can stay at her house as long as I want. I want to go Soooo bad because I can not handle the stress here anymore but than I think God gave this time to be with my mother and help her.I feel like I am stuck and it is making me sick and no one even cares about the fact I have Wegeners. Whenever I had to go to the e.r. I had to drive myself, whenever I was admitted they never called or came to see me. I just need to get away and I fear if I do than something will happen to my mother and I'll hate myself for not being here. Sorry to take up this space I needed to vent actually I need to SCREAM but it wouldn't do any good ...I tried. Thanks ya'll for listening
    Life isn't about how you survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain !

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Posts
    150
    Post Thanks / Like
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Given the brief description of your situation, my advice, for whatever its worth, is to take your sister up on her offer and move into her house. You said want to " go sooo bad" so that's what you should do. Period. It will be better for everyone and, above all else, do not feel guilty. To me, this is a no brainer. The only thing holding you back is your own conscience but everyone will be better off.

    Brian

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    Ohio
    Posts
    1,970
    Post Thanks / Like
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    The reason I feel guilty is because I lived in Fl. when my father was ill and no one told me how bad he was until I got a call at work saying I better come home. I saw him in the hosp. 5 min before he died. I don't want to do that with my mother.
    Life isn't about how you survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain !

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    Swift Current, Saskatchewan, Canada
    Posts
    6,076
    Post Thanks / Like
    Mentioned
    21 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Sorry for what Deb? We are family, that is what we are here for.

    Ditto to what Brian said. You need to destress for a while so you don't have a break down. You can't be there for your mom 24/7 anyway, it is just physically impossible.

    Now, your mom own's the house? The sister that is the real bitch, what does she do? Sounds like she is a freeloader.

    It's not like your mom is going to be alone. The princess will be there, not sure what she actually does or contributes but maybe she could answer the phone and then your brother is there as well.
    Phil Berggren, dx 2003

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    Olympia, Washington
    Posts
    6,992
    Post Thanks / Like
    Mentioned
    24 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    I agree you should move into your sister's house. You will still be close enough to your mother to see her and help take care of her? Then you will have someplace to go home to and get away from the stress and have some peace.
    Anne, dx'ed April 2011

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Israel
    Posts
    4,160
    Post Thanks / Like
    Mentioned
    36 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Hi Debra.
    You are a good and devoted daughter. I understand why you hesitate. you don't want to "abandon" you mom in her last years and then feel guilty about it. guilt make us sick.
    is you sister's house close enough to that of your mom ? can you still take care of her ?
    Alysia
    dx 2008


    Here, in this forum, I have found my sweet eternal love, my beautiful Phil.. :
    https://www.wegeners-granulomatosis.com/forum/threads/4238-pberggren-memorial-thread
    "You are my sunshine", he used to sing to me... "you make me happy, when skies are grey" I still answer him.
    Rest in Peace, my brave Batman and take care of your weggies from heaven, until we meet again.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Location
    England
    Posts
    829
    Post Thanks / Like
    Mentioned
    38 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Hi Debra,
    My mum is going through a fairly similar thing with her mum (my Grandma) and her three sisters (my aunties). Without boring you with all the details my mum is 61, she works full time and has various health issues including auto-immune diseases. Her sisters work part time, with one not working at (due to another auto-immune disease, Lupus).
    She does 90% of my Gran's care, compared to the other 3 sisters sharing the remaining the other 10%. She rarely gets any thanks from my gran and can never please my gran. Her sister's visit my gran and she has a totally different attitude towards them and showers them in gifts (usually money).

    She went to the Drs last week due to pains in the chest. The Dr explained that she needs to slow down and cut her stress levels. Her sisters don't care and use the excuse that they can't help out more because of their children and they live further away. It is true they live further away, but it's only 1 1/2 miles andthey drive. My mum lives within walking distance, but doesn't drive, so in reality she is about 2mins closer. It's also true that they have children, but they are all teenages or in their early 20's.

    Do not let this issue get to the point where it is with my mother (although it already sounds close). There is still your other sister there and brother, so your mum will not be abandoned!

    You can still visit and help out if you moved in to your sisters. Due to past experience with WG relapses, I'm certain stress helps to trigger it. If you stay there, then you're likely to end up having a flare or heart attack and then you're going to be no use at all inn hospital.

    Get out of there. Even if just fro a month or 2 to recharge your batteries. In the long run having a break will not only help you, but it will mean you are able to help your mum with lots of enthusiasm and perhaps little miss princess will start to appreciate how much you do.

    My mum cares too much about what her sisters will think of her (even though they don't give a #@$%), she doesn't even relax on her yearly holiday. Don't end up like my mum, I'm sure she's going to have some sort of breakdown or heart attack in the near future.
    Diagnosed April 1995

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Location
    A pale blue dot.
    Posts
    499
    Post Thanks / Like
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    I'd move in an instant. Sounds like some time in peace could do good for you.
    Diagnosed 08/2013, Relapse 07/2014, Relapse 5/2017 (although early signs of it from 12/2016)

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Posts
    107
    Post Thanks / Like
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Stress could make your WG worse or possibly cause it to flare.You should take your sister up on her offer.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Location
    Melbourne, Australia
    Posts
    2,751
    Post Thanks / Like
    Mentioned
    12 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Look at it as a holiday Deb.

    Go and stay at your sisters while she is down in Florida, it will do you a world of good.

    It may even take some of the stress of the others - I don't really mean that.......what stress are they having What I really mean to say is that maybe then, they will realise what you did for your mum and they will have to step up and help out whilst you are not there.
    You should however, keep dropping in on your mum (for your own peace of mind) for a cuppa and a chat, and then go back to the other house to relax.

    Imagine what you could do, without the others hassling you

    DO IT
    Keep Smiling
    Michelle


    Live your life in a way that you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip - WILL ROGERS

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •