Anyone want to listen to me grump...? :D

[carriej22]

So.

SO.

I am very irate. Today is just not my day, really. It hasn't been my week to be honest, or my year, or anything really.

A bit of background story here - as most of you know last summer I was diagnosed. It's been a battle, one lung infection in the fall that sent me for a hospital stay, one reaction to MTX that sent me for another hospital stay, and you all know how bad in general this disease sucks.

Regardless, I scraped myself off the sidewalk and tried again. Here we go, round two. I started going back to work, feeling a bit better, I wanted to make myself feel better so I planted a garden this year and did things I don't normally do.

Then this summer, doodoo really hit the fan when I lost one of my furkids, Freeman on June 4. Then, as if that wasn't bad enough, while I was still mourning and moping for Freeman my other greyhound gets sick... With the same thing. I hate cancer. So, on August 27th we lost our second and last furdog Kowalla also to cancer in a different spot. Greyhound life spans are about 12-14 years, 10-12 years on the low scale.. Freeman was barely 8, and Kowalla was 7.

You could imagine at this point what my mental state is like.


I got really angry, really upset and I spent all summer bawling my eyes out. I think my eyes are permanently purple around the edges now. I feel like nothing is going my way, and I have fought tooth and nail for this. I didn't just roll over and give up, it didn't matter what happen I kept going, probably driving myself crazy at points but I kept going.

A job sort of fell into my lap; not the kind of job I would ever consider doing before but I got it so I will do it. It's essentially selling RESPs (education funds), I do it from home and then I go to people's houses and explain the plan with them, etc. On average, I think I will need to visit about 4 families per week. I honestly didn't think this was going to be that bad. The commission is good, so it would be a good financial help.

Well.

My doctor just about thinks I've essentially signed my own death certificate. He totally lost it, thinks I am nuts for wanting to go into other people's houses and "expose" myself. My god, I visit friends and family now? He's the one always saying he wants me to live a regular life. I didn't think it was going to be TOO big of a deal; but he seems to think I am crazy.

God it's not like I'm going to lick the people or sleep in their beds with them. I'm going to sit at their kitchen table and I won't even be touching them. Might exchange some paper/pens. I can't see how it's any more dangerous than going to a mall, or even going to the hospital or all those other things I do where there is people.

I really thought it was going to be "the answer" and that while I'll probably work my guts out between working at the salon, all the volunteer crap I do, running a house and now selling RESPs, I thought it might make me feel better. A tired, successful person is still a happy person.

Anyway.. I just thought I would rant. I've just about had it; my patience and everything else is running thin. I screamed at my husband because he was fumbling with stuff on the counter making noise and it annoyed me. Scared the pants off him, nearly. I am having a hard time focusing, I'm never really "with it" and I'm trying to train for the exam I have to write for my new job and nothing is sinking in... I can't concentrate... Grrr

[NikkiNicole]

Vent away, my dear. Vent away!!! Sometimes, we just need to do it. I know I find myself just needing to unload on a daily basis.
What medication are you currently on? I work in a dispatch center, essentially sharing a keyboard and desks and phones with all my co-workers. My doc has me just being very diligent in my handwashing, sanitizing and wiping everything down with my very own antibacterial wipes vs handling the container everyone uses.
I would think if you were extreeeeemly careful, washing your hands, not touching their hands if you don't know how clean they are, that it would be OK. Then again, I'm not near as bad off as everyone here so ... some doctors are probably a lot stricter than mine.
I know things are rough. I think we all here can sympathize. My heart breaks for you about your dogs. I cried when I saw it on your Facebook page because I would be absolutely devastated to lose any of my furbabies. I dread that like crazy since my 1yr old Corgi is practically my therapy dog. He is at my side 24/7 when I am in the house. Know in your heart that your babies were loved completely and went over the rainbow bridge knowing they were loved beyond measure. They will always be in your heart.
I know everyone says "hang in there!" or "It will get better!" but they don't understand our situation. Stay strong, vent to us whenever you need it. We are all here for you.

[drz]

Good grump girl. Maybe tomorrow will be better, hope, hope.

[Wegetarian]

I actually had no idea what you were gonna do. Maybe its a language / cultural thing. Looked up Grump from urban dictionary and I have to say I'm glad it wasn't the first option...

Urban Dictionary: grump

Was hoping it would be something like this, but then again you said "listen"...

crump battle - YouTube

[carriej22]

Hahahaha! Hilarious! I think maybe one of those might be more exciting than me complaining LOL

We use an expression "grumping and growling" and it means being cranky. We use the word grump a lot here... If someone is grumping, or being a grump, as in grumpy lol.

[Alysia]

Hi Carrie,
I like your writing, whatever you call it...
my heart is going out to you, it is so painfull to lose your fur-friends
I am also working with people, they are coming to my office. sometimes they are sick or having a flu, etc.
(I am clinical psychologist, my patients don't know about my wg. this is why I don't have facebook on my real name, they shouldn't know).
I allways keep the window near me open.
I suugest that when you ask them to meet, tell them to "refresh" the room, to keep windows open, and ask if there is anyone sick at home. if there is, give them another time for meeting.
good luck !

[mishb]

(this is why I don't have facebook on my real name, they shouldn't know).

......and here I was thinking - no wonder she got WG, with a surname like Weggie. It was bound to happen

[mishb]

Carrie, I too have been saddened by the loss of two of your babies.

Alysia gives some sound advice, however I'm not sure if I could ask a question like that - before actually going to seem them.

I think that I am of the same opinion as your doctor (sorry).....it's the way I also feel.

Only this week, I was given the opportunity with my job, to get out of the office and add some Interstate Travel to my job description......seeing Insurance Brokers and going to Conferences/Conventions etc. Getting to meet the people that I speak to, or email, on a daily basis at work (putting a face to the name)
- I turned them down.
I was thinking of myself first (which for me is extremely unusual). I don't want to be shaking peoples hands and making small talk at close contact with these people or being in the middle of a convention with 100's of people.....I'm happy to be sitting at my desk in my office and running things from there - I have done it from there for the past 23 years, without the need to see them.

But I am not you.
You are amazing and strong, young and capable - and I do think that you could do it.
4 homes a week isn't so bad. I think if you really want this job, and you think it is something that you can sell and make a good commission, then you should do it - or at least, give it a try.
What does hubby think?

[Alysia]

......and here I was thinking - no wonder she got WG, with a surname like Weggie. It was bound to happen

"alysia weggie" is my "pen name"... but my avatar here is me and also the pic in the profile... my true name, in hebrew, means something like waves, there isn't similar in english.

[carriej22]

Thanks guys.

Hubby is more reactive than proactive. He is not like me, and does not speculate about the "what-ifs" or things like that. I also got sick twice this winter (sinus -coughing, etc) and recovered with no issue, not even requiring me to leave the house to visit a doctor. So hubby at this point feels as though the whole "don't get sick thing" is a bit unrealistic and while he knows the risk of infection; he feels as though a person needs to live too.

He said to me "If you get sick then don't do it". He would really like me to try, mostly because if it works I would be making good money, and it would be for relatively little effort (to a regular person). The bulk of my work (while I won't be paid for it) will be talking to potential clients on the phone. Then, I would set up appointments to meet. The most I would ever be in these people's house is an hour. However, I am aiming for it to be about half that - and a girl tells me that she does it in 20 minutes.

I mean, sometimes I think I get so hyperactive about viruses. However when we think about it; they are EVERYWHERE. On everything. Even in our house; food from the grocery store, on everything we bring into our house. I think sometimes we just need to take some precautions but in reality; some things (such as getting sick) are unavoidable and just happen sometimes.

That being said; I am hoping if someone is very sick (vomiting) that they cancel. I am assuming they would - not too sure I know too many people who would want others around if they are vomiting lol. I don't do well with puke!