Learning To Say -No

[Barbara N]

I have been a very active person my whole life, always working in charity work and actually taking on more than I could handle. Often we would have as many as 10 children living with us because their parents were having problems and also working around the clock with my own charity, animo, helping severely physically disabled children through therapeutic riding. We had some 40 children, 9 horses and around 40 volunteers. Everybody needed something and it seemed I was to provide it. NOw after my time in hospital and starting to make the speech rounds I seemed to be back at work and people wanted it to be like it was before. Well it isn-t. I have a new board of directors and I am out and we have a new center in Almeria which is much closer to the children that need help and to our physio and our psychologist and doctors. The new center is perfect because it is already a riding school with ponies and horses plus a small petting zoo for the children while they wait their turn. I our old center, which was my house, we got butrned very badly in the fire 4 years ago and we havent finished the repairs yet. Over 700 trees burnt and lost. Now my friend and I have build a new stable, purpose built and here, at home, we train the horses to do our new type of therapy to help people with problems like withdrawal from the medication like chemo and radiation, Pred. and many others with horrible side effects. improve circulation and digestion and so many other things. You would have to read about the animo=albero therapy on my blog to understand what I am talking about. Once again I find myself in the situation of people coming to me and say my son needs help or I need help can you please help me+ I have such a hard time saying no but my friend and I were very strict when we started this that this would be no one down for a pony ride and if they needed help they could go to the center in Almeria. It has been very hard but I have to work on my own health first They don-t understand the depth of this disease ans I think I am just coming around to see just how devastating it can be; so I have to learn to say no. I feel so guilty everytine I say no but my work is really important to help me and many others with vascular disease and side effects from medication. So from now on I am serious about saying NO.

[Woodsyartist]

It sounds like this is presenting a challenge to who you are. I have also worked up until recently with special needs kids and even in my non-work life, always look to lend a hand, but I am feeling this all will be changing. This is a hard lesson and I just wanted you to know you have been heard.
J

[mishb]

You are stronger than you think Barbara.

What a challenge you have set for yourself........not only to get yourself well again, but to point others in the right direction.
Look at it as not saying NO to them, but in helping them to find the correct path

[Alysia]

Hi Barbara.
you are so kind and caring for others. I am glad that you are also taking care of yourself although I can understand that it is not simple.
you are inspiring

[Barbara N]

You are stronger than you think Barbara.

What a challenge you have set for yourself........not only to get yourself well again, but to point others in the right direction.
Look at it as not saying NO to them, but in helping them to find the correct path

That is a much healthier way of looking at it thank you.Anyway my center is still open just in a new location and with a new board of directors If I don't stop and take time to heal myself I won't be able to help them anyway. I had a wonderful ride today in my new bridle. It is like magic to me when I get up there and feel the wind in my hair and the horse beneath me. I try to breathe at the same time she does and I feel her muscles move and all of my organs are getting a massage. For me it is truly the way to recovery. My Flash was so bad I am taking Pred again and a few other things to keep the doctors happy because they were talking about dialysis three times a week and I can't handle that. I will have to wait for my last set of results to come back, hopefully in a better range, closer to normal.

[annekat]

I'm so glad you are riding again, Barbara. I hope the test results come back as good as they can possibly be and no dialysis is needed. And your attitude is correct, you need to heal yourself before you can expend a lot of energy toward helping others. They can manage on their own and find new helpers.

[Alysia]

Hi Barbra,
your riding sounds so healing
I hope the results will be normal.

[Debbie C]

Barbara,try to remember when you are saying no to them that you are saying yes to yourself. And you NEED to feel better to enjoy the riding like you do. You've done so much for others that it's time you take time for youself. I do hope your tests come back good and you don't have to go on dialysis and sorry you are back on the pred again,but hopefully it'll help you heal .Take care and stay ontop of the horse ( don't forget the bubble wrap !!!)

[Auntie TooToo]

I totally understand your emotional stress in this regard. I too have always been the one always putting myself out there for friends and family, helping out when ever and where ever I could. Whether is was assisting with family members or friends going through problems or doing various forms of volunteer ministry, relief work during/after natural disasters. However, these last few years have definitely slowed me down and now with the confirmation of Wegeners and beginning treatment let's just say that I too am learning to LISTEN TO MY BODY and SLOW DOWN. I think that is a major thing for all of us to do is to actually LISTEN to our body and like you say LEARN WHEN TO SAY NO!

[NikkiNicole]

Sadly, I also know how hard it is to say no. I've been working for this department for almost 12 years. We are blessed with the opportunity for overtime since this is a 24hr operation that requires minimum staffing levels. I was always willing and able to cover whatever hours were needed, sometimes staying as many as 6 hours after my 10 hour shift ended. Often times, I did this 7 days a week. People knew they could get their days covered when they wanted days off just because they would ask me and I would do it, always wanting to help. When we would need someone to stay because of a sick call, I would do it. I figured I was able, why burden someone else.
Well, those days are long gone. I have a hard time making it til my regular off duty time of 1am, so I don't stay til 5am anymore when someone is sick, much to the anger of my co-workers. They were spoiled with me staying over, taking the icky horrific hours. Now ... I can't do that. I can't. I am EXHAUSTED and I don't want to get sicker.

It's not going over very well in here but ... it's something that has to be done. I still work a whole lot, I just can't do it as much as I used to.

We can say no. We have to be our own protectors. No one is going to do it for us.

I hope you find it easier to say no soon!!!