So here I am again, ranting. Today's rant is a little bit different.

I'm sure most of you have the same situation as me now - when you go get labs the results are ready in what, an hour or so? Most hospitals have labs. Due to cut backs, our hospital here in Miramichi is probably losing it's lab. A few hospitals are it seems. The "stuff" will now be bussed from here in Miramichi to a city 2 hours away. A few hospitals will be doing this. So instead of having my lab results available pretty much right after I get bloodwork, it's going to take 2-3 business days for results. This is unacceptable to me. I don't know how or why they think they can do this. I have literally had my Dr. call me twice since being diagnosed only about 1-2 hours after having labwork and him tell me to get my butt to ER.

What now? Will those few days make a difference? I am a bit scared; and also concerned for human error. They are making 100 and something cuts in the province for lab employees, but there will still be just as many people having labwork done. So this means; that human error (stress, more work, extra work) level might be higher. I am also concerned about carelessness and the samples not being looked after properly. They are going to be going through so many hands (including untrained bus drivers). Is the integrity of the samples compromised when this happens? Is it best to test "fresh" samples? Does it matter?

Also; I am having personal issues - babies. Husband wants them - I don't know how I feel. It's a big decision to have children in today's world anyway - on top of having this disease. My doctors told me not to even think about it right now; and I'm not. However I can tell it bothers my husband that I haven't decided "yes, we will try someday" or "no, we won't". I think he would be happy either way - but he wants to know. I am all over the place - some days I really want kids, other days there is no way I would want them (usually the days I watch or am around my friend's kids!). I just don't know what to do. I know some of you who have wegeners have had children after being diagnosed, but I am really struggling. Looking after babies is a lot of work (My sister was born when I was 17, so I did a fair bit of raising her, up all night, being barfed on, and the GERMS!) for a regular human, I don't know how you all manage. Then again, I have two big dogs and three cats and people don't know how I manage to look after them - but they are my babies and I just manage somehow. I am sure it's the same way for people who have kids.

Obviously it's a decision I need to make on my own - but I don't want anyone to suffer on my behalf. I couldn't imagine small kids watching their mom be sick. Mom is supposed to be super woman! I would never want to see my kids watch me lay in bed or things like that; my mom has RA and my sister (now 7) watches my mom lay in bed all day. I don't want to be that mom. In the same breath, I would love to bring children into this world and to teach them about the things I love and show them new things; and have a product of myself and my husband running around. My friends lives now are gravitating towards family, and doing family things and Eric and I have a family of just us. Sometimes we long for children but most of the time we are OK. My mothers side does not want me to have kids - they keep telling me that I won't miss what I never have. However If it makes sense to anyone - and I know I am young - I feel that "maternal clock" ticking. I don't want to wait until I am 30+ to have children. What if it doesn't happen right away? What if it does? It's so much to think about...

We had planned in 2011 (before wegeners) that once we got married we would have children. We were financially stable, owned our home for several years, had jobs... But now this wrench called wegeners is messing up with my inner gears and I am questioning everything. We have been married for almost a year now; and I can't give me husband an answer of what I want to do.

Sigh.