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  1. #31
    Doug Guest

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    Jolanta-

    Thank you for your thoughts!

    What I've learned since becoming a weggie, and growing in appreciation of the ravages of time, is that it is OK to surrender to death. We know when it's time. Dad was ready, if we weren't. His last day, he was brought back to the care center from the hospital where he'd been the last week of his life. The attendant pushed him in his wheelchair to the nurse's station, where residents and staff crowded around him, touching him and welcoming him back. I arrived from work about five minutes later, greeted him myself, let him finish his welcome back. He was beaming but quiet. I put my hand on his back, as was my habit, and softly massaged his shoulders. After everyone was done, I wheeled him back to the room he and Mom shared. They smooched then settled into general talk about how good it was to have Dad back. The rest I've told you. Dad died less than 11 hours after returning to the center.

    Mom took it hard, of course, but was a trooper. The Alliance Police Department asked if we'd like an honor guard at the funeral, a no-brainer: Dad would have been very pleased! I selected Ecclesiates 3 ("To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven..."), a favorite of mine, for the theme. Our pastor gave a stunningly beautiful interpretation, a great comfort. Dad'd chosen three old hymns ("A Walk in the Garden", "Old Rugged Cross", and "Amazing Grace") before he died, and after the soloist (a family friend) finished singing "A Walk in the Garden", she blew a kiss toward Dad. I bawled at that point. I was very touched. The honor guard lined the sidewalk outside the church and the family passed to the cars. I learned a few months later there is no APD honor guard, but that they'd put it together especially for Dad's funeral.

    At the cemetary, after the however-many-gun salute (shot in three volleys), "Taps" was played on a bugle, the Chief of Police (by the name of John Kiss) brought the folded American flag to my Mom. He caught his foot on the plastic runner placed on the grass in the family area under the tent, tripped, and barely caught himself. Mom misinterpreted what'd happened, thought he'd bent down to kiss her, so she grabbed his head, planted a kiss on him! (A perfect Thomas funeral: I almost laughed, and I heard my brother and sisters trying to stiffle laughs, too! We are terrible kidders in my family. We laugh and joke around a lot during family gatherings, so this happening will be told and retold for generations!) Chief Kiss had a startled look on his face, then recaptured the dignity of the moment. The flag was presented with the traditional salute.

    Mom has her moments, as we all do, but she is a toughie: "I believe I can live to be a 100!" she told me shortly after Dad died. She's 95 now. The family name for her is "The Princess", because she can be demanding, like all school teachers. I told her the nickname once, and she proclaimed, "I'm not a princess. I'm the queen!" Dear me if she isn't!

    Memorial Day in the USA is the day the families place flowers on family graves. Traditionally, it was observed on May 31st, which also was Dad's birthday. Now, it's observed on the last Monday of May, but we probably will place flowers on Dad's grave on his birthday. "To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven..."
    Last edited by Doug; 04-27-2009 at 06:17 PM.

  2. #32
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    How wonderful their life must have been. I'm sure life has thrown some curves but they just went on. My Dad was in the Army and Navy (even though he served in Poland, a communist country at the time, he was specially accepted at the AN) as well as the Lions, so that at his funeral on one side was the Lions guard and on the other the AN. A friend sung Ave Maria and afterwards my Dad was flown from Calgary to Vancouver where we now live. I stayed with my Dad the last week he was in the hospital and slept in his room. My Mom would bring my kids in the mornig and stay the day. It was a very special time for us and I'm thankful I had the time to spend with him. He died of multiple myeloma with my Mom at his side.
    I understand what you mean about surrendering to death, my Dad fought for about 3 years, where prognosis was a few months, and then he was just ready. His courage and humility as well as incredible gentelness has been my inspiration in illness.
    Last edited by jola57; 04-27-2009 at 06:43 PM.
    Jolanta

  3. #33
    Doug Guest

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    Exactly!

  4. #34
    Doug Guest

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    You got it right!

    (I didn't think the website liked the shorter message above. The two smileys put it over the 10 minimum characters, I guess!)

  5. #35
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    Jolanta,

    So sorry about your loss. I still have both my parents and at times they drive me crazy, but hearing about yours and Dougs losses makes me thankful they are still with me. They are both in thier upper 70's, but quite active yet.
    LIsa

  6. #36
    Doug Guest

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    Lisa- Just because they drive you crazy sometimes, doesn't mean you don't love them. Why do you think we nicknamed Mom "The Princess"? Yet we all love her just the same. Those are the sorts of things that make for good kitchen table talks later in life when you and you siblings get together. (ooops! I'm getting into smilies again!)
    Last edited by Doug; 05-02-2009 at 10:30 AM. Reason: typos

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