Okay, I've been having major diarrhea lately as soon as I eat anything so my JHU PCP ordered stool tests. She also ordered a cholesterol screen since I haven't had one done in a long time. That requires fasting. Dr Seo said if the stool tests were fine then I have to do another round of knock-me-on-my-butt rtx, so it was important to get them done asap.

When I saw the PCP last week, I knew I should have gone to the lab to ask if I needed supplies to collect the stool sample. But I was totally exhausted and it would have been another shuttle ride to get there. The next day I called them and they said I had to pick up a sample cup and bring it back, but I was welcome to "produce" a sample on site. Since I live 1.5 hrs away and the diarrhea is a pretty reliable thing, I thought "No big deal."

So today I get up, skip breakfast and drive my exhausted self to JHU. Oddly, I have no diarrhea all morning. They do the blood work and I head to the cafeteria with the stool sample supplies in my backpack. I knew as soon as I ate I'd be able to fill that cup. So. I eat a nice big lunch with foods that have seemed to get things going the worst.

Then I sit and wait, knowing I can sprint to the nearest restroom and take care of business. But nothing happens. My stomach feels perfectly fine, like it used to. I hang out longer and drink a bunch of water. Nothing. Not even a burp. Now it's like an hour and half since I've eaten and nothing at all is happening. My gut is silent.

I decide that maybe moving around will stir things up, so I go walking around the halls. I'm in bad shape so this is not pretty. Still nothing. I finally decide to go to a local diner and get a very rich dessert. That means taking shuttles (getting in and out is difficult) and driving a bit, but I'm determined.

I get a huge piece of very rich cheesecake and just shovel it in. I'm not a cheesecake fan and force myself to eat the whole thing. I ignore the shocked expression on the waiter's face. I drink a whole glass of ice water, too, since that is terrible for digestion. Nothing.

I decide to go walking in a nearby grocery store. That always gets it going. Nope. I buy a large Slim Jim and eat the whole thing in my car. Nope. At this point I've eaten the same amount of calories I'd eat in 3 days and I feel just dandy.

It's 3:30 and the lab closes at 5. I decide to head back to JHU and just force something out. I go sit in the bathroom and tell my intestines to do something for Pete's sake. I produce a reasonable sample, catch a shuttle and make it to the lab right before they close.

With all that food in me, I thought for sure I'd have a horrific drive home in traffic with cramping and diarrhea. Nope! Everything is just honky-dorey in my belly. I think if the diarrhea comes back I'm just going to picture stool sample collecting supplies and chase it away.