pberggren memorial thread

[Alysia]

Anne. The co2 was in crazy levels. The brain was ok. But it was a matter of a bit more time that he will stop breathing with the machine as well and or that his heart will stop. His heart rate was 170. His bp was 60 over 40.

[LisaT]

Alysia, thank you for the explanation of what happened. I don't fully understand why they unplugged the machine, after hooking him up to it and sedating him. I can only guess that they figured he was brain dead and would never recover. I'm sure that you and his parents were fully aware at the time of why the decision was made. But I know it is hard for you to talk about so maybe others will have some insight that they can share.

Safe travels home, and we all look forward to hearing how you are doing when you get there. We all know that this will be a long process for you, getting back to the rest of your life and coming to terms with this huge loss. You will be in my thoughts most of the time, for a long time.....

Anne, reading between the lines I believe that was Phil's advance health directive. He wanted time for prayer with a priest and after that he did not want to be kept alive by machines/intubation. He must have thought it through and made decisions in advance in the event of hospitalization.

[LisaT]

Just read Alysia's response, maybe I was wrong about him not wanting the machines?

[rebekah]

I am so saddened to read about Phil's passing. I'm so sorry you had to go through that, but like I've said before, he was so lucky to have you by his side through all of this. He will truly be missed. You and his family will be in my prayers.

[Jaha]

Alysia,
I am thinking of you and praying that you have a safe trip back home. I hope that once you get back to your children and family that they can help comfort you in these horrible times. I know that you feel that you can't even breath right now, and I will pray that the shock that you are in will get a little softer. Phil will let you know that he is ok and that he wants you to take good care of yourself. He is now your guardian angel and will forever watch over you. You are such a beautiful person and we all want you to take care of yourself, love to you. Keep in touch.

[renidrag]

Safe travel Alysia.
Dale

[rif]

Safe journey home Alysia

Rif

[mrtmeo]

I miss him so much. The pain is beyond words. I just want to be with him. After he died I went with his parents to his sister house in calgary. They showed me things that he liked. It felt like goinh in his footprints. The day after we went to swift cuttent. I spent hours in the batcave. Crying. Talking with his friends who came. I went to sleep in his bed. Not much sleep with all the endless tears. Now I am on my way to the airport. Flying back home. I dont know how can I continue without him. The last 15 months he was with me so many hours every day, not only when I came here, but also b4, chatting on fb or skyping for hours every day. I miss him madly. Such a sore void....

Alysia,
All I have been able to think about is you and phil
Losses like this never make any sense.
We have people and/or animals in our lives for a finite time.
I have found that I want to make the best of each and every relationship, so when they go, I know I gave my best.

You did this with Phil and he had the best thing that meant the most to him, by his side all the time.
I pray you find the peace to move on knowing that Phil is always there with you in spirit.
He will be with us all in spirit and memory until we all meet up again in the end.

[marta]

Alysia, have a safe trip home. Take care of yourself and heal some before taking on anything big. Take care of your own health and your family back home. You're on my mind and in my heart much.

I have to share this experience with you all because in the spirit of Phil, where we share booger size, amount of blood in our various bodily excrement, etc. this was what I woke up to this morning.

I didn't go to Calgary this week (for the Vasculitis Conference or to see Phil) because I got smoked with a nasty flu and have been at home dealing with symptoms very similar to those at onset. I haven't had one of these for a very very long time. One of said symptoms is a very stuffed nose, sinuses and lungs. So I've had a hard time sleeping with the symptoms. I wake up often and then have a hard time going back down. This morning, after a couple of wake ups, I had a dream that felt so real I woke up crying. It was me in my dream, but in hindsight I feel like it was Phil coming by to show me, and it all revolved around not being able to get enough oxygen into my lungs. I was trying as hard as I could, but with the wheezing, and the inflammation and phlegm that was going on (moreso in my dream than in real life) I felt like I was slowly drowning. I was trying to ask for help from Brian, who in my dream was beside me in bed, but in reality wasn't, but my words didn't have enough oxygen to hold on to in order to escape my body. I woke up in tears, and my heart just melted for Phil. I really feel like he came by to show me what he was feeling near the end.

He was the first Weggie I met in person, in real living colour. Phil and I saw things differently often and butted heads a lot, but we also shared a lot in common. It wasn't so much the outcome that Phil and I saw differently but more the approach. He did everything he did because he wanted to save people. He wanted everyone on the planet to be 'saved' - both physically and spiritually, and he took it upon himself to get to that end the best way he knew how. Phil took a big hit from this disease, he has suffered from it a very long time at the hands of many incompetent doctors and some great ones. Too bad that he got stuck with the not so great ones in the end. This disease however also gave him a circle of friends truly global, not something many others in his Saskatchewan town can boast. It also brought him together with the love of his life, who I can say pretty confidently surpasses the love and understanding anyone near his home could have afforded. There are blessings in everything, even something as gross as WG or GPA, and we have all been blessed to know this little Batman from Saskatchewan, who got his moniker by hanging a dude upside down over a bridge to protect the honour of a female friend. He and I shared WG and a stubbornness beyond normal, which is why we butted heads so often, but he is now with some greats up there, watching over us all.

[jola57]

Phil watched over us in life, giving advice from net potty to cyclo, I am sure he will be doing the same from Heaven.
get well Marta, sending a bowl of polish chicken soup.