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Happy Birthday in heaven sweetie ❤
On earth we can't imagine how glorious is it right there where you are now, and what a wonderful birthday you are having up there in the presence of Our Lord.
"But, as it is written: That eye hath not seen, nor ear heard: neither hath it entered into the heart of man, what things God hath prepared for them that love him". (1 cor 2:9)
I am happy for you sweetie. I know that you are where you belong to, and where you allways longed for.
Eventhough you already have the most perfect birthday, I still want to give you a birthday's gift, the gift of my love for you.
I try to send it to you, beyond the time and space that separate us....
... Time has stopped moving the same, at the moment you flied high... it feels both like yesterday and like thousands years ago... thousands years of missing you, of longing...
Space is even more incomprehensible... you are so far away, in another land, another universe.. I can't see you or visit you...
but -
I can call you. I do.
And then, beyond all that space that separates the livings from the dead, you come to visit me... you are right here near me, especially when I need you the most. Thanks sweetie.
So I can tell you how much I love you. And you can feel it...
... With or without words, beyond all time and space, I simply give you my heart.. it is warm and melting and overflowing... and it is beating and calling your name.... it is yours.
... from now (also before) and forever.
Happy Birthday my sweet sunshine. I love you to inifinty and beyond ❤
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1 Attachment(s)
Sweet memories... 3 years ago
2014-07-10 13:06 Alysia
Delay of about an hour and half so far. There were rockets here in city near :(
Take care my sweet love ❤
2014-07-10 13:13 Alysia
More delay. Not starting the flight yet. Rockets near
~~~~~
Never weary of telling about my first trip to my sweetie....
3 years ago, I was sitting in the crowded Ben Gurion Airport, waiting for my flight to Canada... to hold my beautiful Phil for real, for the first time. It's a trip of at least 24 hours door to door but the first one was even longer...
while I was waiting at the airport all the airplanes were still on the ground because of 3 succesive attacks of shooting missles from Gaza at the airport. There was a war in Israel at that summer. Not in the area where I live, thanks God (I live in the north) but at the area of Tel Aviv. The Hamas from Gaza targeted the only international airport in Israel at that same day.
"Eventhough I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for thou art with me".
I was not afraid. I knew that, even if not for me, God loves my sweet Phil, and he will bring me to him safely. I trust God.
After long delay we were on the plane, with change in the trip, landing in Ireland for fueling. They were afraid to fly under the attacks with a full tank. I didn't care much. Being a spoiled weggie (just kidding, I need to keep my spoons) I took my flight at Air Canada's buisness. They have the best beds. The food looked disgusting (especially the Kosher ;) ) so I ate some bread, took a sleeping pill and went to sleep.
sweetie, here I come...
We arrived at Tornoto in a delay of more then 3 hours, which meant that I missed the second flight. My sweetie was already on his way to Regina to pick me up from the airport. It was about 22:30 at Toronto.
2014-07-11 04:53 Alysia
Next plane only tomorow morning :(
2014-07-11 04:56 Phil
It is okay my love, we r almost in regina
2014-07-11 05:32 Alysia
Do you have your nebuliser and meds with you ?
2014-07-11 05:49 Phil
Everything is ok, see you tomorrow
I slept in a hotel in Toronto only about 2-3 hours. Being SO excited, getting closer to my sweetie... and at about 04:00 I was already on my way back to the airport.
2014-07-11 12:08 Alysia
I am at the airport :) eating breakfast :) not going to miss the flight :)
2014-07-11 13:25 Phil
We will be there, no worries
2014-07-11 13:34 Alysia
I am on the plane :) will hug you soon ❤
~~~~~
and then... when I was off the airplane in Regina airport, going on the second floor I saw you, my beautiful Phil...
I was running down the stairways, faster then the wind, jumping into your good arms...
Sweetie, you were more beautiful for real then on skype, the most stunning, handsome, good looking man ever on earth ❤
your embrace was a perfect fit... after all we were born to love each other... and your sweet smell was the best I ever inhaled... no woman ever was so blessed and joyful as me, being in your good arms... ❤
I was so excited and being clumsy by my nature, by mistake, I flipped off one of your hearing devices. So sorry, sweetie. But you were patient with me and gentle. Later you will be amused each time you will witness my clumsiness :)
We still had a long drive to the batcave, but the minute I was with you, I was in heaven...
Next time that I will be coming to you, my sweet love, I will have to climb the stairs up, to buy me stairways to heaven... you will come again to pick me up, and to hold me in your good arms again.. and never let go ❤
Attachment 2606
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Aww, Alysia, such a beautiful description of your journey and finally seeing Phil. Thanks for sharing your texts. And I had to laugh a little when you said you are clumsy... So am I, and it seems even more so since having Wegs. I have seen other Weggies mentioning this on the forum. Big hugs and love to you!
Sent from my MotoE2(4G-LTE) using Tapatalk
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Quote:
Originally Posted by
annekat
Aww, Alysia, such a beautiful description of your journey and finally seeing Phil. Thanks for sharing your texts. And I had to laugh a little when you said you are clumsy... So am I, and it seems even more so since having Wegs. I have seen other Weggies mentioning this on the forum. Big hugs and love to you!
Sent from my MotoE2(4G-LTE) using Tapatalk
Thank you SO much Anne. You are so kind & caring and I love you ❤ thanks for understanding how it feels like to be clumsy. For a clumsy, and not only, you did amazing art works. I have 2 left hands :)
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5 Attachment(s)
Chest tubes....
On his last weeks on earth, my sweetie had 3 chest tubes all at once: number 7, 8 and 9.
This time of the year brings back many memories from the time we spent in the hospital...
Those scary hours of waiting in the corridor, near the closed door, usually of the CT room, while they inserted another chest tube trying to help my sweetie's collapsed lungs....
With tears, shaking heart and prayers so strong that my muscles became sore...
And then that moment when they called me into the room and told me with awe and amazment how courageous my beautiful Phil was. He never complained. Not a word. Not even a sigh while they made their way between his ribs and into the lungs withough sedation, only freezing of the area.
After they called me into the room and told me how amazing my man is, I saw him. He allways smiled at me. No matter how sore or tired he was. Pale and covered with pink fluid but smiling and making jokes with the docs, the nurses and with me. He knew best how to make great jokes at some greatly tough hours. he made me smile back and laugh. I know that he did it to cheer me up. He cared for me, seeing me worried. So sweet and caring allways.
...And that SOS chest tube which started at around 22:30 Saterday's night... they didnt finish it all untill around 03:00am. My sweetie was so exhausted and he just fell asleep sitting while the nurses struggled to attach all 3 chest tubes to their devices.
.....They let me in when they took out chest tube number 5. I put on a gown and mask and gloves and held my sweetie's warm good hand, while they took it out. I was amazed how long it was. Later we were sorry that we didnt ask to keep it for memory.
Chest tube number 9 was the only one which was inserted when I wasn't there. I was there in my spirit, with all my heart, mind and soul.
Chest tube number 4 was in his back. All the others at his chest.
Most of all, I was amazed few months after my sweetie passed, when I have found out that my sweetie's chest tubes (except for number 4) were inserted at the same place in the chest, were Jesus had his fifth wound, where the soldier pierced him.
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1 Attachment(s)
More memories from this time, 3 years ago...
To my sweetie,
My sweet Phil, I remember that day of your haircut in the hospital like it was yesterday.
You just got another chest tube (number 8) after the one from the SOS night have failed. They moved you to another room closer to the nurses station. Your breathing became so much worse that they will soon put you on a higher exygen with a special oxygen device.
Meantime, your hair which grew, needed a haircut. All the nurses love you and all were willing to take care of you. One of the nurses knew how to cut hair. Daryl brought us a machine. The nurse and I covered you with gowns, to make sure that no hair will get into the dressings of the 3 chest tubes that you already had. You were so cute sitting envelopped with yellow gowns all over up to your neck. Then she cut your hair with the machine.
Oh my, you allways looked so handsome and gorgeous, but after this haircut you took my breath away even more, with your beauty, sweetness and cuteness, the most stunning good looking man I ever saw, with your big good blue eyes and cute melting smile, But most of all with the beauty of your sweet pure full-of-Faith soul. I love you, my sweet sunshine, allways and forever ❤
Attachment 2617
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This time of the year, 3 years ago, my sweetie's last weeks/ days on earth.. my heart is full of memories, full of tears, full of longing, full of love.
It was a very rough time. We were in the ICU. My beautiful Phil was fighting to breath all the time, even on the higher oxygen.. his beautiful forehead was covered with sweat from the effort to breath, and I wipped it every few minutes with little towels which became wet so fast..
we searched for the best way to treat him. As sick as he was, Dr. Phil was still the best wg Dr. ever. We had many questions and our fellow weggies on fb and in the forum were so amazing. They gave us so much info, wise advices, support and love. We were embraced by our weggie commmunity from all around the globe, such dear friends.
I can never thank you enough, our weggies friends. I pray for you all, May God bless you and reward you for your great kindness.
At the docs visits I insisted that they will bring him wg expert (they didn't), that they will fight for him. Some of them did. Some didn't.
For a long time after his death I was mad at them.
~~ "Then came Peter unto him and said: Lord, how often shall my brother offend against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? Jesus saith to him: I say not to thee, till seven times; but till seventy times seven times". (Matthew 18:21)
So I prayed to be able to forgive them. Not sure how much I did already, but I keep on praying. Praying for the docs there to treat their patients much better. And for me to fully forgive them.
I didn't take pictures of my sweetie in the ICU. But as sick as he was, (now I understand that he was dying), he was still the most handsome, beautiful, stunning man I ever saw. His big beautiful blue eyes looked bigger and brighter. He was fighting to breath and every word costs him, but he was still the sweetest loving sweetie ever. He expressed his love for me in the sweetest way; "To the moon..." he said and smiled at me, "to the sun"... his cute melting smile, "to infinity"... we both smiled.."and beyond".
His warm good hand was my security. When I held his good hand (and I held it for days, many hours a day) I felt like nothing bad can happened to us.
~~ "And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep."
Our very dear Fr. McDonnelle came almost every day. He prayed and gave phil Holy Communion. Phil was shinning in a special light after recieving it, and both me and Fr. McDonnelle were amazed from him. Phil suffered greatly but he never complained. He was so amazing with his burning Faith, his peace and surrender to God's will.
On his second day in the ICU, Fr. McDonnelle came for the first time, so Phil made his confession and got his last rites. He told me at that day (on the phone, it was before I came again) that he is ready to die if this is God's will for him. I couldn't let him go. But it was not up to me. I prayed so hard..
Phil used to ask me to pray him allways.
~~ "Someone once asked St. Padre Pio why he prayed for the happy death of his great-grandfather who had died many years earlier. He said he could do this because, "for the Lord, the past doesn't exist; the future doesn't exist. Everything is an eternal present those prayers had already been taken into account. And so I repeat that even now I can pray for the happy death of my great-grandfather." "
So I still pray for my sweetie every day.
I know that he is praying for me and for all of us. Until we meet again.
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Can't believe it's been 3 years.
RIP Phil
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Quote:
Originally Posted by
Alysia
We almost lost him today. That over sleeping was not a good one. He continued to be very sleepy. The ICU doc came to the room to talk with me in perfect timing. God sent him. I saw that my sweetie's sats are dropping for no reason. I talked to him and he didnt respond. At that point the ICU doc and the team started to work on him. I was shaking and crying and praying, thinking that he is dying. And then he was back.
Tough 3 days here .... yesterday, today & tomorrow - my sweetie's last days and hours on earth....
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3 years ago.... Sep 30 (2014) was a scary dramatic day, God took my beautiful Phil for few seconds, and gave him back to me, for another day and half on earth.
We had scary and frustrating days in the ICU. The last 3 days my sweetie was very sleepy, drowsy when awake, foggy. He ate almost nothing.
Our very dear Fr. McDonnell came. Holy & humble man, God bless him. Dear Fr. McDonnell came almost every day during those weeks in the ICU. Each time he came for more then an hour. First he said a prayer. In Latin and in English. Then he gave Phil Holy Communion. Then he was sitting with us. Talking. He was our best friend on our most dreadful days. With his wisdom & compassion and tremendous kindness & caring. Each time he brought us an interesting story and bible verses to lift us up, to strengthen our Faith. Before he went, he said another prayer. Dear Fr. McDonnell brought us Faith and Hope. I am forever grateful to him. I thank God for sending him to us and I pray for him everyday.
Fr. McDonnell was also very worried, seeing Phil like that. Phil could hardly talk, he worked so hard all the time just to breath, like running non stop on a treadmill in a crazy speed. Sweating all the time. I changed little towels to wipe his beautiful forehead, they came totally wet. Its amazing how beautiful he looked through all those sufferings. His good blue eyes so beautiful and big and pure. His sweetness melting my heart in each & every moment.
After Phil have received Holy Communion he was able to sit a bit higher and to talk for a bit. His face was shinning in a special light. We didn't know at that time, that it will be his last "food" on earth.
Fr. McDonnell told us that on the cross, Jesus too, hardly breathed. Before he left, Fr. McDonnell gave me his cellphone number and asked me to update him and to call him at every hour.
About an hour later (15:00 Calgary time) the ICU dr. came to the room to talk with me, as I asked before.
God sent him in a perfect timing. It was a matter of seconds. Greeting the coming dr., while always checking Phil's sats, I saw that the sats are dropping down for no reason. I asked: "Sweetie, what's happened ?" Phil didn't answer. I saw that his eyes were rolling. At that point the ICU dr. called his team and very fast they started to work with a balloon mask, to revive Phil. A kind lady, respiratory therapist, made it. She was a good one.
I can't tell how much time it took. I stood there, shaking all over, crying, praying so hard........
And Then my sweetie was back.
We all smiled in relief when after Phil was back, he fixed his "ears" to hear better the questions of the dr. He was always totally cute when he fixed his ears.
He was still on the verge of "sinking" back to unconsciousness and I held his warm good hand and asked him to squish it all the time, to respond. To stay awake. He was a good boy. He held my hand for hours since that moment.
In the meantime they tried to insert line to check his blood gas. They poked and poked, deep, and in vain. It took about 3 hours until they were able to insert a line, one in the leg.
I held his hand and talked to him all that time, to make sure he remains with us. The room was a mess, lots of blood everywhere.
At a certain point (around 18:00) Phil asked through the mask of the Bi pap: "Did I have a rough day?" It turned out that he remembered and felt nothing from the last 3 hours.
I told him what happened. I remember his wise look, through all the mess around, with bleeding hands and legs, above the bi pap mask, the wise look of dr. Phil, thinking about it all. Calculating the situation. And then holding my hand tight, this time not only for him but for me as well. He knew how I felt. It was not only me holding him. It was him holding me, not less. His good hand, always gave me the feeling of security, "nothing bad can happen to us, if I just hold your hand, sweetie".
I didn't want to go to sleep until I couldn't stand anymore, but I made sure that Phil was in good hands. There was a respiratory therapist whom I trusted and he promised to watch my sweetie closely.
On my way to my room I praised God.
I though that the worst is over.
"Praise the Lord, O my soul, in my life I will praise the Lord".
(Psalm 145:2)
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To my sweet beautiful Phil,
Oct 1 (2014) your last full day on earth was a better day for you, compared to previous days. You felt better. not as sleepy as the days before. Your sense of humor was back and you made jokes and some comedy show about the scary day that before, when you lost consciousness. You asked me to tell you how it was again and again because you didn’t feel anything and couldn’t remember. You were amused. You rolled your eyes and made me laugh… we had a hope…
You always knew how to make the best out of the worst, to make jokes in the midst of dread or agony or pains... and you did it mostly to cheer up the others... especially me. You knew how I felt, you always know.. understanding me without words, beyond all words..... <3
They sent many docs to check you at that day.. the day before alarmed them...
Our very dear Fr. McDonnell came. We were so excited to tell him what happened. Our best friend and an angel on earth, holy and humble man, God bless our dear Fr. McDonnell.
You couldn’t receive Holy Communion because the nurse didn’t allow you, after you threw up in the morning. Actually you didn't eat or drink anything since the Holy Communion that you received on the day before.
You wanted to receive it without the nurse's permission but Fr. McDonnell didn’t want to risk you.
Dear Fr. McDonnell gave you his own scapular after he saw that I was trying to wash yours, after the vomiting. you passed away with his scapular on you. I wear yours. You and Fr. McDonnell had a talk about the beauty of heaven... before he left, Fr. McDonnell asked me to call him if we will need him at any hour…. None of us knew if it was going to be, and that it was going to be so soon…
…...... Before the evening came, you threw up again. we had a dumb nurse, She just set there, chewing gum and doing nothing…
but I was with you… and you were with me… you held my hand all day with your warm good hand. You held me and I held you. You always said: "we have each other". You always said: "just hold my hand". You were so sweet, so beautiful, so cute, so loving....
You were really tired when the evening came… being awake all day long, and worried…. many questions… how are you going to make it…. I comforted you .... I made you smile… your sweet melting smile..
I saw that your sats are dropping for no reason and I called the dumb nurse, but she said that it is just because of the angle of the bed and she made it higher.
you fell asleep peacefully with your sweet smile, holding my hand. It was the last time I talked with you on earth.....
I was worried, watching your sats, I was afraid to wake you up, so I was just sitting there, holding your good hand, looking at your beautiful face, inhaling your sweet smell, praying............
until I was also tired…. So I wrote you a note. We always left messages to each other.
The night nurse looked like a good one and she assured me that I can go to sleep. She promised to give you my note when she will wake you up for your night medications. she did.
.......
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1 Attachment(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Alysia
My beautiful man is not with us anymore. He is in heaven now.
My sweet Phil, 3 years today since you have entered eternity...
An hour after I left you and went to sleep, your night nurse woke you up to take meds and she showed you my note. You were back to sleep.
A bit before midnight you stopped breathing on your own during your sleep. No pains. They connected you to the breathing machine, they sedated you. you didn't woke up through all these. I believe that you didn't feel any of these... your sufferings have come to an end.
I was still sleeping in my room, 4 buildings away, knowing nothing..
Oct 2 (2014) at about 03:00am (Calgary time) I woke up, scared to death, strong fast heartbeats, from knocking on my door at my room in the hostel. shaking all over I opened to the security man who asked: "are you Alysia ? Is your boyfriend in the ICU ? You need to go there". I asked him to wait a min and to walk with me. shaking all over, from cold and from dread. we walked to the ICU. 10 min walk. The security man gave me a chewing gum to calm me down. He was a kind man.
When we arrived to the ICU they didn't allow me to get into your room. I waited outside the room. Totally shaking. The night nurse came and told me that you stopped breathing during your sleep. They were still working on you.
I called your parents. They came so fast. I needed them. To hold each other. Otherwise I would have being crashing to the floor...
Then we were allowed into your room. You were so pale... you looked tired but so beautiful .. with all the machines.. and the lines...
Your always warm hands, my sweetie, were now cold and I knew that you are no longer with us... I asked the ICU dr if there is any chance that you will recover now and he said no.
Early in the morning I texted dear Fr. McDonnell. He came quite fast. He told us that it is a special day, Feast day of the Holy Guardian Angels.
He prayed for you the most beautiful prayer I ever heard, describing how the Saints and Angels will be soon welcoming you into heaven......
I think it was the Litany of the Saints.
Tears flowing... we stood around you, your father, Daryl hugged me with his strong arms, reminded me of your strength & courage even in the thoughest moments.... he has raised you so wonderful over the years to be THE Batman... your beautiful mother, Donna, with her good caring eyes, so much like the goodness & compassion in your eyes... her goodness, love, caring & kindness which have raised you over the years to be the kindest sweet soul I ever knew....
.........
Oct 2 (2014) at about 10:30am morning (Calgary time) you flied high, with your Batman's wings, straight to heaven. fast. no pains. Peacefully.
Embraced by tremendous love.... enveloping us with your love & Faith.
.......
... all tears, I kissed your beautiful forehead and I told you:
"goodbye sweetie. I love you".
you still had your sweet smell....
.......
"the Lord gave,
and the Lord hath taken away:
as it hath pleased the Lord
so is it done:
blessed be the name of the Lord".
(Job, 1:21)
Attachment 2628
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Quote:
Originally Posted by
Alysia
My sweet Phil, 3 years today since you have entered eternity...
An hour after I left you and went to sleep, your night nurse woke you up to take meds and she showed you my note. You were back to sleep.
A bit before midnight you stopped breathing on your own during your sleep. No pains. They connected you to the breathing machine, they sedated you. you didn't woke up through all these. I believe that you didn't feel any of these... your sufferings have come to an end.
I was still sleeping in my room, 4 buildings away, knowing nothing..
Oct 2 (2014) at about 03:00am (Calgary time) I woke up, scared to death, strong fast heartbeats, from knocking on my door at my room in the hostel. shaking all over I opened to the security man who asked: "are you Alysia ? Is your boyfriend in the ICU ? You need to go there". I asked him to wait a min and to walk with me. shaking all over, from cold and from dread. we walked to the ICU. 10 min walk. The security man gave me a chewing gum to calm me down. He was a kind man.
When we arrived to the ICU they didn't allow me to get into your room. I waited outside the room. Totally shaking. The night nurse came and told me that you stopped breathing during your sleep. They were still working on you.
I called your parents. They came so fast. I needed them. To hold each other. Otherwise I would have being crashing to the floor...
Then we were allowed into your room. You were so pale... you looked tired but so beautiful .. with all the machines.. and the lines...
Your always warm hands, my sweetie, were now cold and I knew that you are no longer with us... I asked the ICU dr if there is any chance that you will recover now and he said no.
Early in the morning I texted dear Fr. McDonnell. He came quite fast. He told us that it is a special day, Feast day of the Holy Guardian Angels.
He prayed for you the most beautiful prayer I ever heard, describing how the Saints and Angels will be soon welcoming you into heaven......
I think it was the Litany of the Saints.
Tears flowing... we stood around you, your father, Daryl hugged me with his strong arms, reminded me of your strength & courage even in the thoughest moments.... he has raised you so wonderful over the years to be THE Batman... your beautiful mother, Donna, with her good caring eyes, so much like the goodness & compassion in your eyes... her goodness, love, caring & kindness which have raised you over the years to be the kindest sweet soul I ever knew....
.........
Oct 2 (2014) at about 10:30am morning (Calgary time) you flied high, with your Batman's wings, straight to heaven. fast. no pains. Peacefully.
Embraced by tremendous love.... enveloping us with your love & Faith.
.......
... all tears, I kissed your beautiful forehead and I told you:
"goodbye sweetie. I love you".
you still had your sweet smell....
.......
"the Lord gave,
and the Lord hath taken away:
as it hath pleased the Lord
so is it done:
blessed be the name of the Lord".
(Job, 1:21)
Attachment 2628
I'll always think of you and Phil on this day. With much love, to the moon and back...Anne
Sent from my MotoE2(4G-LTE) using Tapatalk
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RIP Phil
You will be forever remembered on this forum and beyond.
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Always thinking of you both and forever grateful and thankful that you were there with him.
I miss our late night conversations.
We know he took it all in his stride, and was not afraid.
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Thank you SO much, Anne, Pete and Michelle. I love you ❤ your support means a lot to me. Especially here in the forum, where I have found my beautiful Phil.
Yes, Michelle, Phil was not afraid to die. On his last day alive on earth I asked him what will happen if he will die. He pointed with his finger up and said: "it will be God's will". He accepted God's will with peace, love and burning Faith. I also asked him: "what will happen to me if you will die ?" He said: "you will have Jesus and Mary". He was right.
I madly miss him...... :crying:
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Re: pberggren memorial thread
I have been away from these forums for a long while now, but I always remember Phil with fondness. He was the very first person to welcome me to this family all those years ago. We talked a bit on Skype, compared horror stories of all things sinus related. Phil had very strong convictions and a deep well of knowledge and experience. I always marveled at the way this twisted journey brought him closer to his faith, while it had the opposite effect on me. He was just at peace with his life, a sensai. It clashed completely with the turmoil I felt in my life own life and it was refreshing to see someone stable. We lost a good one with his passing, but that's heaven's gain now. RIP Phil
~Your friend Melly
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Re: pberggren memorial thread
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Melly
I have been away from these forums for a long while now, but I always remember Phil with fondness. He was the very first person to welcome me to this family all those years ago. We talked a bit on Skype, compared horror stories of all things sinus related. Phil had very strong convictions and a deep well of knowledge and experience. I always marveled at the way this twisted journey brought him closer to his faith, while it had the opposite effect on me. He was just at peace with his life, a sensai. It clashed completely with the turmoil I felt in my life own life and it was refreshing to see someone stable. We lost a good one with his passing, but that's heaven's gain now. RIP Phil
~Your friend Melly
Thank you, Melly. Phil was THE expert on nose rinses. He knew all about it. One of the first things that he showed me proudly when I first came to the batcave, was his waterpike and how he mixed the water with baking soda and rinsed. It was quite dramatic, one of the kind of things that only a fellow weggie can fully appreciate. Although when we were in the hospital few nurses also came to see him rinsing.... when we were out of baking soda, one Sunday morning in the hospital, I searched everywhere to buy it. eventually I got a gift of 2 packs of baking soda in a Pizzeria. We were happy with them like we have found a treasure :)
As for Faith, Phil's was the strongest I ever witnessed. The more rough he had it, the stronger his Faith became. On his last day on earth, after he almost passed on the day before, I asked him, what If - what if he will die. He pointed with his finger up and said: "It will be God's will". He allways accepted God's will for him with joy and peace. He explained it all to me in details. I try to walk like him with Faith and I must say that it is the only thing that helps me handle my grief and my sickness. If you feel like, @Melly, you are invited to write to me private msg here, so we can talk more about Faith issues. I say a prayer for you. God bless you.
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Re: pberggren memorial thread
Hi Alyssa, I know that I am new to the forum but I wanted you to know that your memorial to your beautiful Phil was wonderful & made me cry. My thoughts are with you as you continue to grieve for your soul mate. If you ever need anything or to cry I know you don’t know me but I will be happy to cry with you.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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Re: pberggren memorial thread
Quote:
Originally Posted by
NatriceRomeo
Hi Alyssa, I know that I am new to the forum but I wanted you to know that your memorial to your beautiful Phil was wonderful & made me cry. My thoughts are with you as you continue to grieve for your soul mate. If you ever need anything or to cry I know you don’t know me but I will be happy to cry with you.
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Thank you, Natrice, from the bottom of my heart, for reading my memorial to my beautiful Phil, for your kind words, for your invitation and for your tears. You made me tears as well, and you warmed my sore heart.
My sweetie, Dr. Phil, as we called him here, or The Batman, was sick with WG since 2003 and a member in this forum since 2009. He wrote 6076 posts here. He allways welcomed new members to our family, with good advices and info, encouragement, great sense of humor, and deep understanding of how it feels like to be a weggie.
Since he passed away, few other weggies passed away, so I imagine how he welcomed them up there, showing them around, like he used to do here, now in heaven's parallel forum...
And I know that he is watching over me and over all of us, you too, Natrice, and that he prays for us - with his strongest Faith and sweet caring and love.
Untill we meet again.
It will be heaven.
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Re: pberggren memorial thread
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Alysia
it is. cute and warm house. kind of house that once you get inside you feel at home.
Will you ever see this post? This love story, this wonderful love story, is what I am living on these days. Is there a way to see the pictures? Is it my computer? All I get is a little black box with an X in it. But if I never see the pictures, thank you for sharing all that you experienced together. This is the kind of love that goes on, truly. God bless.
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Re: pberggren memorial thread
Quote:
Originally Posted by
hellojulie
Will you ever see this post? This love story, this wonderful love story, is what I am living on these days. Is there a way to see the pictures? Is it my computer? All I get is a little black box with an X in it. But if I never see the pictures, thank you for sharing all that you experienced together. This is the kind of love that goes on, truly. God bless.
Thank you so much Jullie. You are very kind. God bless you.
The beginning of our love story is on another thread, I hope the link works, here:
www.wegeners-granulomatosis.com/forum/threads/889-Update-on-pberggren/page254?highlight=Update+pberggren
I will send you a friend suggestion. If you will confirm it, you will be able to watch the pictures: go to my profile and watch the albums.
As for the other pictures on the thread itself, I used the wrong technique when I posted them so they didnt last.
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Re: pberggren memorial thread
Once on the skype I told my sweet Phil that if I could have choose between having wg and finding my sweetie or not having wg and not finding my sweetie, I would choose wg, again and again and again. It made him tears when I said so. I still do. As much as wg is a nasty disease, as much as I madly miss my sweetie, the body is temporary. The soul is eternal. I have found my beautiful soul mate, and one day he will come to pick me up, to spend eternity with him in the presence of Our Lord. It will be heaven.
~~~
"Glory to God in the highest: and on earth peace to men of good will". (Luke 2:14)
Merry Christmas in heaven, sweetie. I know that you enjoy being up there, where you trully belong. I can imagine your peace and joy. Have a wonderful celebration.
Thank you for coming to visit me when I need you the most, for watching over us, for shinning upon us with your cute melting smile, for praying for us. Thank you for being you. I love you with every beat of my heart.
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Re: pberggren memorial thread
To my sweetie....
Today, it is 38 months since you have entered eternity, sweetie. I hold your words close to my heart, I hold our memories, our love, I hold you - inside my heart. And I know that you also hold me. I love you. Allways. & Forever.
07/06/2014 07:53
Phil Berggren
Remember that all strength comes from God, not us. We have no choice when we die. This life is but a speck of dust, not even a speck of dust, a billionth of a trillionth of a speck of dust, compared to the whole universe when it comes to our lives being forever.
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Re: pberggren memorial thread
[emoji174]
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Re: pberggren memorial thread
Sharing my beautiful Phil's story as was written by his mother on facebook in a discussion about the importance of good docs.
Early diagnosis is vital. Our son, Phil, was born July 7, 1976. In the fall of 2002 he went to a neighbouring city, Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan to take a course in water sciences. He was totally healthy. In April of 2003 he came home by bus because as we later found out he was too ill to drive his car. We took him to the hospital in Swift Current Saskatchewan where he spent 8 days coughing up blood, although an X-ray was never done. His ears were very painful so they booked him in for tubes to be put in his ears in Saskatoon Saskatchewan. We drove up to Saskatoon the day before and stayed with friends. Our son, Phil, was laying on our friends couch and he said to his dad, "Dad, I'm dying", so we took him to emergency at St. Paul's Hospital in Saskatoon and while we were In the waiting room a young doctor, maybe an intern, heard him coughing, and had an X-ray done immediately. He had the results in 10 minutes. He came and talked to us and he said it could be TB, it could be aids, but based on Phil's lifestyle he ruled those two diseases out. He said he thought it might be a very rare disease called Wegener's Granulomatosis. He said a biopsy of Phil's lung would have to be done in order to confirm this. The ENT still wanted to proceed with the tubes in the ears as scheduled and they used tissus from his ears to test for WG. So this was on the first Monday in may of 2003. They refused to start medication until the biopsy results were back, which they expected by Wednesday. In this short time Phil had deteriorated so much. His legs were thinner than broom sticks. He told us he would die that night. My husband threatened the doctors so that they would begin the treatment. They did. Of course now we know that a big part of the early treatment was prednizone. We finally left the hospital that night totally exhausted. Back the next morning and our son's bed is empty. Frantic to nurses - where is our son? Oh, he is in the lounge watching TV. Well, that was in May of 2003. Phil had a couple of specialists in Saskatoon that we travelled to many, many times. But they really didn't have a clue about WG because Saskatchewan has a total population of 1 million. Well, God be praised, into our small city of Swift Current there came a doctor, dr Senyo Tagboto, originally from Ghana and recently from Birmingham England, where he had had over 300 WG patients. So Dr. Tagboto was a Godsend to Phil and his family. He had several remissions from the disease, including one in 2007, when he was able to travel to Fatima, Portugal for the 90th anniversary of Our Holy Mother's appearance there. Dr. T had also studied medications and he knew exactly what Phil needed and when he needed it. When the lungs got really bad, Dr. T referred Phil to a specialist in Calgary, Alberta, dr. Dave Stather. Dr. T continued as Phil's home doctor until he moved back to Ghana in 2013. In 2013 or very early in 2014, Dr. Dave was killed while on holiday in the States. So Phil lost Dr. T and Dr. Dave almost simultaneously in 2014.
He died in Calgary Foothills Hospital on October 2, 2014.
The doctors you have make a TREMENDOUS difference!
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Re: pberggren memorial thread
I write much less now about my grief over my sweet Phil and how much I miss him and still need him... how much I love him...
but it is allways there, inside me.
In time, I have learned to contain my sorrow, it's like a bag full of tears, which I handle tenderly and carefully, making sure it will not spill out... this bag of tears, when it gets opened, it hurts so bad, like literally feeling my broken heart....
So I try to keep it close, after all, I must be able to do all my duties and I do find my consolations...
I am also careful most of the time not to sadden others.
So I handle it with my sweetie and My Lord.
Some days it is harder to hold closed my bag of tears, my longing to my sweetie... especially at the beginning of July... soon it will be my sweetie's birthday and all the memories... 4 years ago this month when I held him for real for the first time......
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Re: pberggren memorial thread
I am so sorry that you have this pain, but so glad you and Phil had each other, even for such a short time. May the Lord keep your spirits together and bring comfort to you as you face this difficult time. 💗🙏🏻 💗
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Re: pberggren memorial thread
Quote:
Originally Posted by
BookNut
I am so sorry that you have this pain, but so glad you and Phil had each other, even for such a short time. May the Lord keep your spirits together and bring comfort to you as you face this difficult time.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart, Jacquie, I love you. The Lord holds me and lifts me up all the time, and many times he does it through wonderful friends like you. God bless you ❤
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Re: pberggren memorial thread
Bat Horse has made his annual return as my avatar in honour of Phil and Barbara N's birthdays on June 7th.
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Re: pberggren memorial thread
Quote:
Originally Posted by
gilders
Bat Horse has made his annual return as my avatar in honour of Phil and Barbara N's birthdays on June 7th.
Thank you SO much dear Pete, for remembering our Batman and dear Barbara. The Bathorse is gorgeous.
I will write more tomorrow and also on other threads.
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Re: pberggren memorial thread
I think of you and losing your soul mate every day.
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Re: pberggren memorial thread
Quote:
Originally Posted by
NatriceRomeo
I think of you and losing your soul mate every day.
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Thank you from the bottom of my heart ❤ God bless you.
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Re: pberggren memorial thread
To my Sweetie,
Today you celebrate another birthday
Living already deep into eternity
and I celebrate the life you lived
and the blessing that you were
and still are
to me and to so many
during your time on Earth
and also since you have flied high.
I can imagine how you celebrate
Walking pains' free on heaven's streets
and I can celebrate knowing what you have taught me -
"For we know, if our earthly house of this habitation be dissolved, that we have a building of God, a house not made with hands, eternal in heaven".
You must be enjoying the angels' choirs (no more being deaf)
and I celebrate sweet memories, of talking with you without words & beyond all words... and the silent beautiful "music" of just being near you.
How blessed you must feel, in the presence of Jesus and Mary, being home, like you have allways prayed for -
and I say another prayer for you, knowing that God have already counted it for your sake.
You spread your cute smiles all over -
and I smile back, remembering your melting sweetness.
And we both can celebrate our love,
The time we spent,
And the Hope of spending eternity together.
I love you,
To infinity
And beyond.
Happy Birthday sweetie.
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Re: pberggren memorial thread
At this time of the year, all the memories from 4 years ago are very alive... how I came to hold my beatiful Phil for real, the time we spent together...
I just miss him so much.........
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Re: pberggren memorial thread
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Alysia
At this time of the year, all the memories from 4 years ago are very alive... how I came to hold my beatiful Phil for real, the time we spent together...
I just miss him so much.........
[emoji22]
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Re: pberggren memorial thread
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Alysia
At this time of the year, all the memories from 4 years ago are very alive... how I came to hold my beatiful Phil for real, the time we spent together...
I just miss him so much.........
It just seems so unfair that after that short, beautiful time you had together, he was so quickly taken away from you and his parents, whom you had just recently met. My heart goes out to you and his family . I'm thankful that at least you were there for him at the end and provided him with much happiness. I'm sorry for the burden you now must bear daily. I know your love is a deep one. [emoji738]
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Re: pberggren memorial thread
Quote:
Originally Posted by
annekat
It just seems so unfair that after that short, beautiful time you had together, he was so quickly taken away from you and his parents, whom you had just recently met. My heart goes out to you and his family . I'm thankful that at least you were there for him at the end and provided him with much happiness. I'm sorry for the burden you now must bear daily. I know your love is a deep one. [emoji738]
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I can't thank you enough, dear Anne, for your kind and beautiful words. I love you.
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Re: pberggren memorial thread
Today, 4 years ago, started in a magical place in Canmore, and ended up after many scary and rough hours in the hospital in Calgary.
We were supposed to drive back to Swift Current at that beautiful morning. Phil did his daily nebulizing and the new exercises he got from the respiratory therapist. (Exrecises with "acapela device", which we suspected later, caused his lung to collapse down).
Suddenly, my sweetie said that he was not feeling well. He asked me to pack for him and to take him straight to the hospital. He became at once very weak and quiet, in pain.
I dropped him in the ER and went to park the Batmobile. I had no idea that the Batmobile is going to stay at the same spot for weeks.
In few minutes I was back to him and I was scared to see that he was already surrounded by couple of nurses and being checked.
I asked him: "What did you tell them that they accepted you so fast ?".
Dr. Phil said: "that I have pneumothorax".
Dr. Phil knows best.
I asked: "What does it mean ?"
And he answered, sadly: "It means that I am in big trouble".
How right he was... I couldn't figure it out then, but my heart was shaking and I was frightened like hell.
Dr. Phil always knew how to say a lot, in few words.
Then they inserted through his rib cage a chest tube. At the same spot where Jesus had his fifth wound, the one pierced by the soldier.
It was terribly painful but my Batman didn't even bat. Not one sigh. He was making jokes with the stuff and then tried to make me happy, seeing me tearful.
He always knew how to make the best out of the worst. But he also allowed me to cry: "its ok. You can cry. Let it all out".
He held me. I held him. It felt like if we are together, no matter what, we are safe.
Sometimes I can still feel like that. Safe, like holding my sweetie's hand. Allways under the love of Our Lord.
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Re: pberggren memorial thread
More memories from this time of the year, 4 years ago...
Sharing (again? Not sure I shared it here) the story that a roomate of us wrote. She is a proffesional writer.
~~~~~~
“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are grey....”
I was sitting on my hospital bed, curtains fully closed around me, when I heard this song being sung in a low, raspy voice that I assumed came from an older gentleman. I felt so tired. When was the last time I’d slept through a full night? And so confused – who was I to believe? The nurses in Banff who insisted I continue using oxygen to ease my breathing, or the nurse at Foothills who had just insisted that I “get off” the oxygen and practise breathing properly without it? Just how sick was I? What ward was this, anyway? Why on earth did I need an ambulance to bring me to Calgary? Overkill, I thought. I have work to do, I thought. I just don’t have time for this.
Then I heard the gentle, raspy voice singing this very old, sweet song that my parents, and probably my grandparents, used to sing. I said, to whoever sat on the other side of the curtain, “That was beautiful.” The voice answered, “She came all the way from Israel for me. It’s still a dream to me.” I didn’t say any more, I couldn’t, I just sat there crying.
A few hours later, unable to sleep, I got up and made my way to the TV room, where I spent the night watching old SNL and Seinfeld episodes while the prednisone the doctor prescribed for me did its magical work. It was described to me as the “wonderful, horrible” drug during my stay, a corticosteroid medicine often used to effectively treat inflammatory disease, but with a list of possible side effects that reads like a horror story. Overnight I felt myself growing stronger, more alert; by morning I could breathe again. I felt like I could walk back to Banff.
That morning I felt up to meeting my neighbors. I said good morning to Ted, the cranky old guy across from me who had had a pretty rough nite, and no wonder with full-blown pneumonia (Ted turned out to be quite sweet, really, and funny). Then I turned to meet Betty, the older woman in the bed next to me who seemed to have a constant stream of family visiting, and whose husband I had assumed to be the singer. I said again that it had been beautiful to hear, but she had no memory of hearing a song; she had probably been asleep. A younger couple was sitting in the far corner of the room by the fourth bed, and I turned to look at them. The moment I saw a beautiful young dark-haired woman smiling up at me, I said, “It was you.” She was the woman who had come from Israel. A young man sat next to her, also smiling, and the various tubes and machines to which he was attached made me understand why the voice I heard had seemed older.
This is how I met Alysia and Phil. Over the next few days I learned a few things about these two. First and foremost, I learned how very much in love they are. Alysia and Phil both have Wegener's granulomatosis, which causes inflammation of the blood vessels, which in turn restricts blood flow to various organs. It often affects the lungs and upper respiratory tract and/or the kidneys, but it can affect other organs as well. There is a world-wide network of “Weggies” who connect online, and this is how Alysia and Phil first met.
Alysia is a beauty, a woman in her early forties who could be thirty, one of the most open-hearted people I have ever met, and in action, a force of nature.... I watched over the course of three days how she would immediately assess and discuss any changes in Phil’s condition with him, and if outside help was needed, she would go out into the pulmonary ward to find the person she needed to provide that help. She sat with him throughout the day, accompanied him on walks, and sat again with him into the wee hours of the night. Foothills kindly provides accommodation at a very reasonable price for people wanting to spend precious time with loved ones, so she would wander back to her room to catch a few hours of sleep at the end of each day.
Phil’s is, quite simply, the bravest soul I have ever encountered. This thirty-something, easy-going guy is known to friends as “the Batman” for his courage and strength. He is gentle, good-humored, extremely knowledgeable about his condition, and grateful for the care he receives from everyone – doctors, nurses, family, friends, and of course his great love, Alysia. When Phil was being wheeled out of the room to have a larger tube inserted into a collapsing lung, and the tears started welling up for me again, he grabbed my hand and was the one to put me at ease. He said it was going to be OK. And it was.
I’m not going to pretend to know much about Phil’s condition. I had a good chat with his Dad, and what I do know is that it has been a battle hard-fought, an emotional one and an expensive one as well; Medicare just doesn’t cover all the costs associated with dealing with this condition. Phil’s family come from Swift Current to visit when they can, and are happy to do whatever they can to help. The love and admiration are obvious; they know what a remarkable man he is. As part of Phil and Alysia’s community on facebook now, I see how that love and admiration has expanded. These brave people move and inspire so many.
So, what does one do in the face of all this love and courage? I still had a book deadline to meet, yes. I still wanted to vacate my much-needed hospital bed (the TV room had been cleaned out to accommodate patients waiting to get into proper rooms, and I heard from a nurse that many more were waiting in Emergency). I still wanted to get home to my own loved ones, and my beautiful, healing mountains. But Alysia and Phil had catapulted me out of myself for long periods of my hospital stay, and something significant had shifted in my thinking. It just wasn’t about me any more. I was sad to leave my new friends, sad for them because Alysia had to return to Israel and didn’t want to leave her man. Sad because the romantic and the artist in me wanted to write an epic ending to this amazing love story.
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Re: pberggren memorial thread
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Alysia
Phil is not getting better. The inflamation marker is higher from day to day. I am madly scared. The docs here say that he might not survive. Already 2 days of plasma exchange with no change. How long does it takes ? We want to consult with Dr. Specks but we dont have his phone number. I sent him an email and checking around. Please, every info can help. Please pray for my sweetie. Please, God, don't take my sunshine away.....
Memories from this time of the year, 4 years ago.... my sweetie's last days on earth... :crying:
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Re: pberggren memorial thread
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Alysia
Memories from this time of the year, 4 years ago.... my sweetie's last days on earth... :crying:
[emoji174][emoji179][emoji175][emoji97] Hard to believe it's been four years. At least I'm glad you were there for him. I'm sure that meant everything to him. [emoji255][emoji272][emoji253][emoji258]
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Re: pberggren memorial thread
Quote:
Originally Posted by
annekat
[emoji174][emoji179][emoji175][emoji97] Hard to believe it's been four years. At least I'm glad you were there for him. I'm sure that meant everything to him. [emoji255][emoji272][emoji253][emoji258]
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Dear Anne, I cant thank you enough for being here for Phil, for us, for me - all those years. You are a true friend and I love you.
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Re: pberggren memorial thread
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Alysia
My beautiful man is not with us anymore. He is in heaven now.
"The Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away: as it hath pleased the Lord, so is it done: blessed be the name of the Lord."
Today, 4 years ago, The Lord took my beautiful Phil back to himself to spend eternity in his presence.
.......
... From our very first talks, on the skype, Phil told me that he might not live long. I read his thread here on the forum, the longest ever, and saw how he already almost died few years ago... amazed from his courage, strength and Faith. Phil told me couple of times that his last wish is to get a priest on his deathbed. Thanks to God's providence I was able to call our very dear Fr. McDonnell to come during my sweetie's last hours on earth, to fullfil his will.
After a relatively better day, my sweetie stopped breathing during his night sleep. Without pains. The docs put him on the tube and called me to come in the middle of that scary night. I called his dear parents who came fast. We needed each other, to hold, to support, to give strength...
I will allways be grateful to Phil's father for his strong embrace at those rough hours, he literally held me, otherwise I couldn't stand it... and I will allways be grateful to Phil's mom, for her tender motherly care to me during that aweful time, My soul needed that loving care like oxygen, when my oxygen man flied high and away.....
We stayed around my sweetie's bed, holding him like we used to.. this time his allways warm hands were cold, and I knew that although he is still alive, he is no longer with us....
.... early in the morning I texted our dear Fr. McDonnell. He also came fast. He told us that today is a special day: Feast Day of The Holy Guardian Angels. No coincidences that my beautiful angel, my courageous guardian, has joined heaven on that special day.
He prayed the most beautiful prayer I ever heard, describing how the Saints and the Angels will be soon welcoming my beautiful angel into heaven...... It was The Litany of the Saints.
Not long after Fr. McDonnell left, my sweetie flied high.... peacefully.... I kissed his beautiful forhead, and told him: "Goodbye sweetie, I love you". He still had his sweet smell............
......
Sometimes when I am awefully in need of his caring, I can sense his sweet smell and I know that he is near, loving and caring... until we meet again ❤
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Re: pberggren memorial thread
Thank you again lovely lady, for being with Phil and doing all that you could do, to bring a smile to his face over those last few weeks.
I'm glad that you could be there with him and for him, when he was chosen to go
I hope you are doing okay. I know it's a tough time of year.
Big hugs and much love to you :hug2::hug1::hug1::love:
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Re: pberggren memorial thread
I am sending prayers for getting peace and understanding, more and more everyday. You severely an amazing,kind and loving woman. Phil was a Warrior and you gave him the greatest gift of all love. Keep up the good faith!
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Re: pberggren memorial thread
Quote:
Originally Posted by
mishb
Thank you again lovely lady, for being with Phil and doing all that you could do, to bring a smile to his face over those last few weeks.
I'm glad that you could be there with him and for him, when he was chosen to go
I hope you are doing okay. I know it's a tough time of year.
Big hugs and much love to you :hug2::hug1::hug1::love:
Thank you SO much, dear Michelle :love:
I wouldn't want to be anywhere else, only near my sweetie, as long as I could. I feel grateful and blessed for the time we spent together...
That's my song to my sweetie... https://youtu.be/ecKkVtJtuBw
And longer if I can...
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Re: pberggren memorial thread
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Jaha
I am sending prayers for getting peace and understanding, more and more everyday. You severely an amazing,kind and loving woman. Phil was a Warrior and you gave him the greatest gift of all love. Keep up the good faith!
Thank you so much, dear Jana, for your support and friendship all the way... Phil also gave me the greatest gifts, ever and forever ❤❤
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Re: pberggren memorial thread
Feeling exhausted and drained after those remembrance days... sometimes my heart is just too small to contain the love and the pain...
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Re: pberggren memorial thread
I believe, and I think you do too, that you have Divine help in carrying whatever emotions are too much to handle alone. One help you have been given is this forum, full of people who not only care about you but also remember Phil and miss his helpful attitude and playful spirit. You are not alone.
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Re: pberggren memorial thread
Quote:
Originally Posted by
whatthewhat
I believe, and I think you do too, that you have Divine help in carrying whatever emotions are too much to handle alone. One help you have been given is this forum, full of people who not only care about you but also remember Phil and miss his helpful attitude and playful spirit. You are not alone.
You are right. Thank you SO much ❤
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Re: pberggren memorial thread
Today, July 7 is my sweetie's birthday; I wrote to him:
Happy Birthday in heaven, sweetie,
"If you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love" (St. Mother theresa).
Sweetie.... While you were on earth, I loved you every day more and more and more, the pain was because of your sufferings. Then, after you've flied high to spend eternity with Our Lord, it hurt so much... nothing else ever before hurt as much as it hurt being without you here.
So I've loved you through the pains until it was gone... and one day, indeed, only love remained.
I love you, my beautiful prince, and I celebrate your birthday, I celebrate your life: your burning Faith, your overflowing kindness, your wisdom and sense of humor, your melting sweetness, the time we spent together, sweetest memories... We can even celebrate your sufferings because you suffered with Christ and now you are glorified with him.
I celebrate your joy of being where you've always wanted to be: with Jesus and Mary, the angels and the saints, relatives and friends. In peace and joy that we can't yet imagine; We "see now through a glass in a dark manner" but you see "face to face" (1 cor 13:12).
I celebrate YOU, and all the treasures that you brought to me, especially the treasure of our Faith. I celebrate with gratitude.
May your birthday be glorious, sweetie, I love you to infinity and beyond.
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Re: pberggren memorial thread
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Alysia
My beautiful man is not with us anymore. He is in heaven now.
5 years today since my Batman flied high.... I have so much to say but not sure it's the place...
RIP dr. Phil and come to help us from time to time. We still need you. I do. And I love you. To infinity. And beyond.
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Re: pberggren memorial thread
It certainly doesn't feel like 5 years.
Thank you for being there for him Alysia.
You were his special lady
I still miss our chats whilst playing words with friends, which he always seemed to win :tongue1:
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Re: pberggren memorial thread
I still remember the shock of that day. And you handled it with such composure. This is a sad anniversary for you, Phil's family, and all of us. It's a blessing that you were able to be there for him during that time. Your love for each other was so obvious. I miss seeing him on this forum. He was a big part of it, and he cared about everyone here, and offered so much wisdom. My thoughts are with you and his parents and siblings today, I wish you all may find peace and comfort in the good memories of Phil.
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Re: pberggren memorial thread
Thank you from the bottom of my heart, Anne and Michelle for being with me and with my sweetie, back then and ever since. Your friendship and support are priceless and I love you.
Yesterday, Oct 2, was a crazy day. We had holidays of the new hebrew year and yesterday was back to work day after couple of days, in addition to work I had to go to the labs (I see my wg dr today), Xray, post office, grocery shopping, took a friend to a dr., plus cleaning and cooking. In between I wrote and corresponded on facebook considering my sweetie's anniversary.
I didn't have the time to stop until I fell asleep. I woke up at 02:00 AM crying like hell over my sweetie. All the sorrow was up again. I admit that many days I escape that pain, my heart is too small to contain it... but not last night...
And I could almost hear my sweetie telling me, like he used to say: "you can cry, it's ok, let it out"............
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Re: pberggren memorial thread
Oh Alyssa,
I wish there were words to take this pain away. I think of you both often. I’m sending a virtual hug.
Natty
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Re: pberggren memorial thread
@Alysia, what a busy day you had! I have few symptoms of WG anymore, but still get the crushing fatigue every day and have to neglect some of the things on my list. Your energy is amazing, and I know you are worn out by the end of the day. No wonder you would wake up crying about Phil after devoting attention to other things all day.
Meant to tell you I saved your very long post on FB so I will remember to set aside time to read the whole thing.
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Re: pberggren memorial thread
I read the very long post on fb, and then I saved it, so that I could read it again.
The rules of this forum, do not allow the post to be copied to here, due to full religious content, however if you ever get to read it on Alysia's fb account, it is very well written, and a wonderful read, on how she and Phil were together.
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Oh Sweet Alysia,
My heart breaks for you. You found love but you didn’t lose it. Phil will always be a part of you. He was right, there is nothing wrong with letting the tears out. Your life will go on with him having a very special place in your heart. Many people live their life without experiencing true love. You will never be part of that group.
Bless you dear one.
Masha
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Alysia,
I know that every day you think of Phil, but this time of year must be harder for you.
Carry on thinking about him, but try not to get too upset. You know all Phil would want is for you to be happy and healthy.
Hope everything went well with your WG Dr appointment and you're feeling well.
I was back at transplant clinic today and they've moved me from fortnightly appointments to monthly, so they must be happy with my progress. I'll update my "Transplant" thread once I've received my blood test results.
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Thank you so much my friends, for your caring and kind words. You warm my heart. I love you. Thank you for being here.
I share here things which I don't share on facebook. I don't want to make Phil's parents more sad then they already are. They are both too sick. His dad has COPD and he feels too bad.
Most of the time I am not sad anymore, I mostly feel blessed to have my beautiful Phil, his sweet eternal love and the gift of Faith that he brought to me.
Anne, I also have wg crushing fatigue. No idea how I did all these on Oct 2. I did got 30 minutes nap in the middle of that day. I think I was running away (almost literaly) from the sorrow and the pain until it caught me. I did felt relief after crying although it aches badly. It is better to face the sorrow then to escape it.
Michelle is correct: I didn't post here the post that I posted on facebook because of the forum's rules. If anyone wishes to read it - please send me pm with your email address or a link to your facebook profile. It is a very long read so I guess I can't send it on the pm here.
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July 7 is my beautiful Phil's birthday. "forum time", it is here already... also "heaven time"..
I wrote to him:
Happy Birthday in heaven, my sweet eternal love :wub:
During those tough times of the pandemic on earth, I feel relieved that you are safe up there with Jesus. You can breath perfectly well and enjoy the breeze of heaven, while you are watching over us and praying for us.
I close my eyes and I see your caring sweet face, full of compasion, so tender and beautiful. You must be working day and night since the pandemic has started. You know too well how it feels when a disease hit the lungs, the torture of tough coughing and how exhausting and scary it is to be short of breath...
So, I imagine you flying with your Batman's wings from bed to bed of covid19 patients, over all the globe, doing your best to help those in need, although you don't even know them.... like you always welcomed new members to the forum and tried your best to help them...
May your birthday gift be that Our Lord will accept your requests to help the sick and will make miracles for them.
Take care, sweetie, get some rest (after all, you need to rest in peace) and celebrate your birthday in a heavenly way.
I love you, to infinity and beyond. Always and forever :wub:
P.s. while writing the above I have chills so I know that it means that you are near me. So sweet of you. Thank you :wub:
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Bathorse is back for his yearly visit.
RIP Phil and Barbara N.
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Thanks for remembering about Bathorse, Gilders. We will always remember Phil and Barbara with love.
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Thank you so much, @gilders and Anne. It means a lot to me.
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Phil's father passed away couple of days ago. He was very sick in the last 3 years or so and suffered a lot.
I was in contact with him and with Phil's mom couple of times a week on line and will miss him greatly. The tears came back over both Phil and him now...and at 2AM...
This is what I wrote to him:
Rest in peace, dear Daryl..
You suffered awefully but no more. I imagine the relief that you felt when your mom and our sweet Phil came to pick you up yesterday, to spend all eternity with Jesus.
It is heart breaking for us to say goodbye, but I must remember that you are peaceful and joyful now, reunited with Phil and with your mom, and most important - you are in the presence of Jesus.
I feel blessed for the time we spent together taking care of our beautiful phil. Some little things come to my mind: How Phil loved your head masssages, even more then mine... Being grateful for your strong hug during his last hours on earth... Our first conversation in the Batcave and also our last conversation there... your immense LOVE to your beautiful Donna, your caring and love to me and to many others, your wonderful sense of humor and cute laugh...... like father, like son - a man of an amazing strength and courage, a man of charity, generosity and kindness, a man of integrity and Faith.
Please watch over your beautiful Donna, she still needs you, let her feel that you are near... please tell Phil that I love him always and forever... please pray for us, we need many prayers...
... and when the time will come, please come to pick me up with Phil, like you did back then in Regina airport.
I love you. Until we meet again.
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I’m so so sad to read this. My heart is heavy for you, Alyssa and for Phil’s mommy. I hope she finds peace. You are all in my heart and in my thoughts.
Natrice
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Thank you, Natty. You are very kind. I hope that you are doing well. God bless you.
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Who would have thought that we would be thankful for such a rotten disease, bringing us all together, and the friendship and loves that are formed from having the said "rotten disease".
Such sad news about the passing of Phil's dad.
Thank you Alysia for your continuous caring of, not just Phil's family, but of everyone :hug1:
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Thanks, Alysia, for letting everyone know about Daryl's passing and how much he meant to you and to Phil. Those of us who knew him on Facebook knew how, with just a few words, he could convey his special feelings for you. Warm thoughts of condolence go out to Phil's mother, Donna, and their surviving children, as well as to you and all who loved Daryl.
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Thank you, Michelle and Anne, from the bottom of my heart, for your beautiful and comforting words, and for being here all the way. I love you.
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Today, 6 years ago, my beautiful Phil flied high with his Batman wings, to spend eternity with Our Lord.
I wrote to him:
Sweetie,
I can't believe it has been 6 years since you went home... It feels both like yesterday but also like it was ages ago... in a different universe where flights were so easy and hospitals were not too crowded.
I love you and I miss you and I still need you and also (it is weired) I feel relief that you are no longer on earth, that you are safe up there with Jesus and Mary. I couldn't have bear the anxiety of you being in risk of covid infection.
I guess you are working hard all those months, you know too well how it feels to be short of breath, coughing, sick.
You always tried to help all of us weggies, so I can imagine how you try to help those poor patients in the corona units.
And then there are all the new residents of heaven, so many who keep on coming...
I can imagine the reuion with your dear father, Daryl, having so much laugh and joy from being back together. Please tell him that I miss him and I love him with all my heart.
Sweetie, the night before I left to Israel for the first time I sent you the words:
"Some day, when I am awefully low,
When the world is cold,
I will feel a glow just thinking of you
And the way you looked tonight...."
Swewtie - the world is very cold
and dark
and scary
And I feel awefully low
So I think of you, my beautiful sunshine -
I think about your beautiful blue eyes
About your cute dimples
And melting smile
About your good warm hand
Still holding mine
I think about your tender caring
I am still amazed -
At how did you understand me so well - between the words and beyond them,
When you saw me angery, you said: "I am glad I am by your side";
When you saw me clumsy you smiled;
When you saw me anxious you knew how to calm me down and make me smile,
When I was sad, you said: "it's ok, you can cry, let it out";
I wonder how was it, that while you knew me better then anyone else ever, (you knew all my faults, all the darkness that is inside me and what an uneasy person I am) - you still loved me so much - - -
(tears keep falling.. it is better then last year, when I held the tears all day long and they woke me up at 2AM)
Sweetie, please, continue to watch over us and to pray for us, especially for your beautiful mother Donna. She reminds me of you with her amazing strength, courage and wisdom, and loving kindness.
Until we neet again -
I love you,
To infinity
And beyond.
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Happy Birthday in heaven, sweetie.
It's hard to believe that 7 years have passed since your last birthday on earth, since I was your last gift here.
But you have been and will allways be my precious eternal gift. I cherish the time we shared, your words of wisdom and burning Faith, your caring and kindness, your sweet eternal LOVE.
I can never thank you enough, sweetie, for leading me to find the best gift ever, which is to know and accept Jesus as My Lord and My Saviour.
"Every best gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no change nor shadow of alteration." (James 1:17)
May Jesus reward you and provide you with many blessings and eternal gifts, today on your birthday, and always.
I still need you and miss you and love you. To infinity. And beyond. Until we meet again.
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Happy Birthday Phil and Barbara,
Missed and never forgotten.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by
gilders
Happy Birthday Phil and Barbara,
Missed and never forgotten.
Thank you so much @gilders. Happy Birthday to your wife. In Hebrew we say, May she be different from them by having long good life.
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Every year on this day, the time stands still, and I am back there, on that night in Foothills Medical Center... 7 years ago now.
... The sudden knocking on my door waking me up scared around 3am... walking fast, shaking from dread and from cold, 10 minutes walk in the empty quiet hospital to the ICU... to see my sweetie intubated in a room full of nurses and doctors, to touch his allways warm hands which are cold now...
Calling dear Donna and Daryl around 4am... they came, we understood that my sweetie will soon leave us....
I took my pred, my stomach didn't stop killing me, I was quiet at the outside, but totally broken and leaking in all my insides... so helpless, so scared, so much pain and agony, so many unbearable emotions that don't even have a name or structure.... screaming inside...
......
The only beam of light early on that morning was our dear Fr. McDonnell, coming fast right after I called him.
Praying over my dying sweetie, he gave me hope. "The Litany of The Saints" - hearing it for the first time ever - so comforting - my sweetie is going to be welcomed by the saints, soon....
2 hours later he did.
I kissed his beautiful forhead one last kiss, he still had his sweet smell, I told him, "Good bye sweetie, I love you".
And I still keep on telling him so.
.....
Later at that day, When we were out and away of this aweful hospital, I looked at the skies, searching for my sweetie. He should be up there with JESUS, I just wanted to see him, his sweet face, his beautiful blue eyes, to hold his good hands, to talk with him, to see his cute melting smile, to hear his warm voice, just to be near him, like I've always wanted. Just to be with him............
I miss you, sweetie,
I need you,
And I love you,
Always
And Forever.
❤
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Today, 8 years ago, you went home, my sweet Phil,
And I still miss you
and need you
and love you
I just want to talk with you so many times,
So I write it down to you,
With sureness that you do read it,
And I need your help so many times,
and ask you for it,
And I know that you are here for all of us,
I go to Mass and I know that there you are with me, for real,
eventhough I cant see you
it is heavenly and peaceful,
a kind of a glimpse into your home.
It is no coincidence that you went home on The Feast Day of The Guardian Angel
You were our guardian angel, and you still are
Thank you, sweetie, for taking care of us,
From your joyful place
In the presence of JESUS
Rest in peace,
Until we meet again.
I love you to infinity
And beyond.
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This is so beautiful Alysia. He surely was a guardian angel for our daughter when she needed one the most, and I pray he continues to bless us.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by
whatthewhat
This is so beautiful Alysia. He surely was a guardian angel for our daughter when she needed one the most, and I pray he continues to bless us.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I believe that Phil continues to pray for your daughter and to keep an eye on her.
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Happy Birthday in heaven, to my sweet Phil and to our dear Barbara.
Sweetie, may your birthday be as beautiful as you are, enjoy all of heaven's beauties and come to visit me in my dreams when you can. I still miss you, and need you, and love you, always and forever.
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Sorry my Happy Birthday wishes and Avatar change is a few days late.
I took my wife away for her birthday (she also shares her birthday on the 7th July)
Missed but never forgotten.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by
gilders
Sorry my Happy Birthday wishes and Avatar change is a few days late.
I took my wife away for her birthday (she also shares her birthday on the 7th July)
Missed but never forgotten.
Thank you so much for your wishes and great avatar. Blessings to your wife. How are you doing ?