sadness

[greenjeep]

everyone on this forum, for the most part, seems to have positive attitudes through this winding road we're on. that's one reason I visit, so I can get a dose of that!
however, does anyone ever feel like giving up? I'm in remission, but have been sick all winter with this that and the other thing going thru my area. I told my wife that I was growing very weary of being sick every day. fatigue the biggest factor.
can't enjoy my daughter, wife, vacation, family, nothing. just wait to one day be able to have a good day. But after several months. I'm about ready to give up.
I even thought if it was worth it to survive my initial beat down. seems like life just ain't the same as before.

Sent from my phone while pondering the limitations of the subconscious infinitude... and stuff.

[renidrag]

I learned a while ago from a single Mom that I was dating that you have to grab and hold on to a happy moment, no matter how short, when it presents itself. It took me a while to understand but when it sunk in, it really makes sense, especially now as I fight, as you do. I will never be the same as I was, however, for moments, I can be and I will hold on to those. All I ask is that those times can be shared with my family.
Dale

[Alysia]

Thanks for sharing, greenjeep. I feel your pain. I am sorry..

Its that feeling of sick & tired, and tired of being sick, and sick of being tired...

I dont wait or expect to feel better in order to enjoy things, I just go with whatever I feel, body and soul...
Phil taught me (I quote him) that "the soul animates the body". He showed me in multiple situations how he can enjoy things even when he was extremly sick, even when he was dying. He showed me the beauty in every little thing and how the soul can be beyond the sufferings of the body. The greatest part was his burning Faith. I learned from him, I couldnt have made it without the Faith. God helps me to endure tough things of body and soul.

When you write about "giving up" - what do you mean ?

[Dirty Don]

I already gave up...once...kids, wife, & nurses talked me out of it. The 'new normal' is really better than not having anything...waves of sadness wash wild sometimes, one has to control & divert those waves...hang tough...keep on keepin on. Best to you.

[annekat]

Greenjeep, that is part of why we are here, to listen and understand when people are feeling down and hopeless. I'm pretty down right now myself, recovering from a pelvic fracture, and physical therapy isn't helping much with the pain yet, and WG is still there in the background, plus I woke up with vertigo this morning. I know I'm better off than some people, but it still gets depressing. I like Don's idea of diverting the waves of sadness, pushing them aside to make room for more joyful ones. I know, easier said than done. But there will be good days, grab onto them when they come. I forget where you live, but the seasonal weather-related blahs can be very real. We are now on the upward swing in that regard, at least in the northern hemisphere. I don't know if any of this helps, but I wanted you to know I am thinking of you.

Sent from my MotoE2(4G-LTE) using Tapatalk

[greenjeep]

Thank all for your encouragement. You know, I have always been fascinated with "the power of positive thinking" type stuff, and the examples that are given in different world religions and self help books. I have read hundreds of books on these topics, even before I was diagnosed. It all seemed so natural. I knew that if i was ever confronted with a life challenge that I would be able to employ this bank of wisdom that I had accrued and fight my way through. However, when I am hit by one of these devastating fatigue-type downturns, all that goes out the window and I struggle to see the light. I am feeling better than when I wrote the original thread, but these episodes seem to be coming more frequently. It makes me feel weak, like i cannot even use what I have learned to be true.
Alysia, I too owe my life to faith. Without my wife and family constantly drumming into my thick scull when I was first hospitalized in renal failure, I don't think I would have had the strength or known what to even fight for. When I said give up, I meant to just let the disease run it's course - without intervention and just let what will be - be. Sometimes this seems like a very attractive option to me, because sometimes I feel like a huge burden to everyone around me. Other days, like today, I kinda feel like it might be ok to fight another day.
Thanks again for all of your kind words - they really help.

Terry

[drz]

I think most people have trouble accepting adjusting to major life change that results in a down sizing of one's life life style. Wegs (GPA) can result in many losses and life changes and it can take a while to process them and adjust to one's "new Normal". Depression can and often results in these cases so counseling or anti depressant meds can also be very helpful in many cases. Our symptoms are often recurrent and any new set back or flare up can be discouraging. Venting, getting support from caring others, and getting effective treatment soon from a good treatment team helps us get through these times. But one benefit is that it teaches us to enjoy the good moments and to appreciate life more even with its ups and downs.

[MikeG-2012]

Hang in there Terry, and any time you are feeling down, just let us know and you will have an entire family lifting you up!!

I have those days too, and I am finally on my second trial of some happy pills (anti-depressants--serotonin). It was really hard for me to ask the doc for help, and is even harder to let all my friends know that I am now on them. So now that it is out there, maybe someone else will ask their doctor for help when they feel like they need it.

[Debbie C]

Greenjeep, I know how you feel.I also get very depressed and just want to be the way I used to be,but lets face it,,we will never be the same so we have to take the cards we are dealt with and make the best of it. What is sad but sometimes gets me thinking straight is thinking about all the people that are worse off then me or those who have died at a young age and never had a chance to live. I am very sick right now,which I will talk about in another thread after being in remission for 5 years but I am not ready to throw in the towel. I just say this too shall pass and if not then it is out of my hands. Why don't you try counseling or anti-depressants. You have people who love you and that is worth living for. Take care and keep your chin up..things will get better

[Alias]

Greenjeep,

I have had a relatively easy road with this illness; technically it is "non-severe" but it has still been life altering in various ways. It seems so inherently unfair and it is hard not to succumb to sadness from time to time. Serious illness has also touched the lives of my wife, family and friends. It took me quite a while to accept that these things change you forever, and you never really get your old life back, no matter how well you recover medically. I certainly know that feeling of being tired of dealing with it to the point that it hardly seems worth it. Counseling or psychotherapy, even just a few sessions, can help you reset your focus and point you toward some cognitive techniques to get through the down times. The right medication can also help get one back on track. I am so glad that I took the advice of others and sought help when things looked very dark.