Short fuse when not feeling good

[crowneagle]

I'm feeling crappy and I dread calling the doctor Monday morning. I'm saying things to people I wouldn't ordinarily say. It's almost like I'm clearing stuff up with people. Like the family dog that has been tied up on the chain too long and snaps even at the people who feed him. I just need a few days of normalcy. A friend calls me at 4:30 this morning and starts talking like what's up? I'm not in the mood for this. Then she tells me that I have to look to God. If I could have reached through the phone, I would have choked her. Me and God are good. He hasn't caused me a single problem; at least not that I'm aware of. Of course he doesn't tell me everything. I feel like I'm being a burden to people. My oldest daughter tells me Yeah dad, I'll give you a ride home from the hospital but I've got to do something later on. Forget it! I'll just stick my thumb out like in the old days. I ask my own brother for help and he can't even hide his annoyance. Cross you off too. My youngest daughter would help me if she could pay clean up her driving record. The crazy thing is I have the money for her to do it. Can lead a horse to water but can't make him drink. My mother would do anything for me and never remind me about ever again. But there is no way I'm going to bother an elderly woman that has to write everything down on the calendar now.

As Porky pig would say, "That's all folks" If I wanted to impress people I would be on Facebook.

[Birdie]

I'm saying things to people I wouldn't ordinarily say.

Is it maybe predrage? That's a common issue, often discussed around here. Nearly as common as friends and family being unwilling to help when needed. "But you don't look sick?"

Sorry no wise advice... just sympathy.

[debra]

Mr. C, hello.. I agree with Birdie here on pred rage. I have an older brother who bodybuilds,and he's on roids, well living with him was like living with Sybil.. Mr. C, do u remember Sybil? I could always tell when he was juicing... The other thing, is when you're sick, or atleast me,it would be nice to have understanding, and maybe have a loved one lend an ear? Pretend they care, in my case. Hey that rhymed! Anyway, I totally get this... People can be selfish and not be aware that they are, just caught up in themselves and can't seem to see past them? The other thing is when sick, you can't really tolerate the petty bull sh** that u used to, cause you're dealing with a life threatening illness! U see what's important, cause you're eyes are open, they still cannot....... Vent away my friend, I hear ya........ Deb.

[debra]

Me again, Mr. C. I'm in no way saying anyone on pred is like Sybil! Man I should just not try to help sometimes! No I was showing an example of steroids,which is pred... So again, Deb rushes in for possible damage control... Just not gifted with gab, like say some others here? But I do mean well........ Deb.

[crowneagle]

Watched 'Steve Jobs" tonight. It was the best thing that happened to me this week. I was INSPIRED! I really don't think it is predrage. I'm angry but I'm angry at the right people; not everybody. I'm angry at myself because I actually let my GP talk me into taking the pnuemonia vaccine when I had already made a connection between vaccines and my Wegeners. I had limited GPA until that fateful day. My Wegeners is on steroids more than I am. Yes, I am angry with "some' family members but others have been amazingly supportive. In all fairness, some people are better at it than others. Anyways, watching "Steve Jobs" screwed my head back on straight. No matter how long I live, I will strive to do something great. The picture of me is a little dated by 10 years. I'm not much into selfies. But I will update it as soon as the surgery ring around my head heals. That mitt on my hand is right after I got my hand caught in a wood splitter. All better now, Just got a permanent, crooked stuck out middle finger.

[debra]

Mr.C, hello again... It's a slow night huh? The children are either sleeping or hopefully having some fun... I understand how you feel,and venting is a really helpful thing... Bottleing things up, will cause more stress then the stress more symptoms, so vent away.... I have no family support except one fair weathered brother,who I guess means well? Not one time ever, has he asked, Deb how are you feeling? Nope.. But he will call me wanting support for a headache. I give the support.. then finally I get to the point where I need to say something, so I do. Expressing you're feelings from an i point of veiw rather than a you point usually gets better results. For me anyway... Like I'm hurt because... Rather than u hurt me because... Sounds more accusing with the you... Try to focus more on what u have, rather than what u dont? This helps me...... Deb.

[debra]

Mr.C, also,I understand the not getting by the past thing, trust me! Did u see the incredibly stupid thing I did? Go to my intro,if u want to see someone doing something stupid,and having a real tuff time getting past just that... Trying to let go of the past, not even concentrating on the future, but the right now only... That's all you can control, everything else is a waste of you're energy, and u need plenty to fight this all... I get u on this too trust me!!! Deb.

[Birdie]

Watched 'Steve Jobs" tonight.

My rheumatologist pulled up a web site that talked about Jobs ignoring health care, then died presumably as a result. Rheumatologist thought it would be a warning to me, not to do the same thing, he even compared me to Jobs based on his knowledge of my work history. Next he hit me with a bunch of concerns he wanted taken care of in the hospital. Kinda transparent, but he didn't know I like the hospital food. Pretty young nurses fetching you water any time you want, somebody else cleans the bathroom, etc... How much better can it get?

So even when it gets worse, brain power has already let me out live the billionare. Make wise choices, keep smiling, maintain perspective man... Not always easy to do, but always wise.

[crowneagle]

Jobs had pancreatic cancer. A friend of mine died from it. It is one of the most deadly cancers. I don't blame Jobs one bit for disregarding the doctors. I'm going to the doctor Monday. Here is my spiel. I've got Wegeners. It has affected my bowel system. The impaction is in the transverse colon Someone is going to have to go up there and get it out before it turns gangrenous. I took the liberty in preparing the descending colon for the procedure. Now, as Bill Belichick would say. "Do your job" so I can go home and research how I can prevent this from happening again. They should have prevented it before I left the hospital two weeks ago. Because of liability, doctors are not capable of thinking outside the box. You are your own best doctor. My own doctor feels guilty for disregarding my warnings about vaccines. He has been a partner ever since. He listens to me now. His nurse evened mentioned to me in amazement that my gp has allotted 40 minutes to my next appointment; which is forever nowadays. Don't be a sheep. "Sheep get slaughtered" Gordon Gekko

[Middlesista]

I well understand your comment about feelings like a burden - not a good feeling. I am the "strong" one in my family' and my children are having problems with this change in me. They are grown and have families of their own and I know it is not easy for them. Almost like they are coping via denial and they (and I) just want everything to get better so we can go back to our lives.

Sometimes downer days seem to prevail.....

[Tom]

I got yer feelings, I went the pred rage the first time I ever took it and the first week I wanted to punch out the pastor at church for saying good morning and the anger I felt toward anyone who spoke to me. Luckily my wife told the Dr that I was a little beside myself and I was so mad at that point I argued that I was fine and not in a bad mood!
At the tone of my voice the Dr said we need to reduce the dose and I argued with him that I was fine! Once I leveled out on it I was able to deal with the feelings of anger and the crying fits because I was so frustrated trying to figure out what was making me so angry!
That was for my cancer in 2006. I knew at the time of my DX of wegs how it acted for me and I was able to handle 60 mg for several months ,but when they start moving the dosage up and down, I would struggle with my attitude!
Rather than tell you what it does to me, I will say that what works for me is to tell myself, I will be alright and ask those around me for some alone time and please respect that time! After 2 or 3 hours I seem to get on track until the next outburst, usually in the mornings which can ruin a whole day for all around us!
Good luck and hang in there!

[crowneagle]

I well understand your comment about feelings like a burden - not a good feeling. I am the "strong" one in my family' and my children are having problems with this change in me. They are grown and have families of their own and I know it is not easy for them. Almost like they are coping via denial and they (and I) just want everything to get better so we can go back to our lives.

Sometimes downer days seem to prevail.....

Then. we are kindred spirits then. I feel the exact same way.