I could use some prayers.

[chris.wg]

My mother went into the hospital last night and it doesn't look good. They have a plan and are doing everything they can for her. But I was already given the you better contact anyone speech. Please keep her in your prayers.

[Yvonnea]

So sorry to hear your Mother is so unwell. Sending prayers for her and for you and your family.

[morningsunshine]

Sending lots of love to her, you, and the rest of your family during this time.

[BookNut]

So sorry to hear this Chris. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

[whatthewhat]

Joining in prayer with you

[annekat]

Chris, my prayers, thoughts, and best wishes are headed out in the direction of you and your mom.

[Jayne 14]

Prayers love & best wishes & love to you all


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[PattyL]

Hope your Mom is doing better. My prayers go out to you and your family.

[Debbie C]

I just read this Chris, I hope she is improving. I will say a prayer that you all get the strength you need and she does get better.

[chris.wg]

It is not looking very promising right now but there are glimmers of hope here and there. I try to focus on those glimmers but the very real possibility is she may not come home. I appreciate every ones thoughts and prayers. Thank you

[Debbie C]

Well Chris it sounds like she is a fighter so do hold on to those glimmers. How old is she ? My mom is 88 and I dread the day I am in your position. Stay strong.Still praying she will pull though this

[chris.wg]

She is 64 Debra. Unfortunately my hope ended today. Tomorrow my sister and I have to decide if we stop dialysis and make her comfortable with hospice care. Or if we keep her alive in a hospital on dialysis and let the cancer we didn't know about until this Tuesday completely take her. She is in complete renal failure. And because she refused to go to a doctor, she has cancer in her bladder <the guilty mass that didn't let the kidneys drain>, abdomen, uterus and ovaries. She has told us she doesn't want to die. But she is also deathly afraid of hospitals always has been. And you can see fear in her eyes when she wakes up with tubes out of her. Our option is no longer if she will die but when and how... No should ever have to make this call about a loved one. I can't sleep as a result.

[Alysia]

Dear Chris,
my heart is going out to you.... I know too well how it feels to be helpless witness to your loved one dying.... the dread, the pain, the agony..... I have being there not long ago...
I can only embrace you in my heart...
its tough decision to make and maybe she is the one who need to make it...
please tell her in my name, not to be afraid of dying, tell her that all weggies goes to heaven... my beautiful Phil will welcome her there and show her around, she will feel peace and joy, no more pain and sufferings, no more fears.... tell her to send you white butterflies to tell you that her soul is free....
sending all my love, prayers and hugs.

[mishb]

Such a tough decision for you and your sister to make, Chris.

I am sending prayers for your mum and big hugs for you and your sister and your extended family.

I hope mum is resting comfortably and the medication is keeping her pain away.
We are all here for you

[annekat]

Chris, I am so sorry, and am with you in spirit as you go through this difficult time. Your mom is just two years older than I. Is she able to make a choice here or is she leaving it up to you and your sister? Her state of mind is in some turmoil, understandably. Her comfort is of utmost importance, and I hope some relief can be provided in a more peaceful setting than in a hospital. My thoughts will be with her today and onwards, and may your heavy heart also find some peace. I hope you can get some sleep and know it can't be easy. Hugs to all of you.

[Debbie C]

Chris, I am so sorry too hear that about your mom having cancer so bad and at such a young age. My heart goes out to you and your sister to make such a horrible decision. If the drs say there is absolutely nothing that can do and she hates hosp. maybe you should bring her home to her own surroundings. Can't she have dialysis at home ? I don't know your religious preference but maybe if you call in clergy to speak to her maybe that would bring her more comfort instead of fear. I will pray whatever decision you make that can find peace with this

[BookNut]

Chris...I am SO very sorry. I am sure you and the rest of her family will be a comfort to her. I will pray for your family as you make these difficult decisions.

[chris.wg]

Update. She is more lucid so the may be able to participate herself in our decisions. That gives me some peace. Yesterday she actually started producing urine. unfortunately this was just false hope her creatinie <spelling> levels are still rising meaning the urine is mostly water and the kidneys are not filtering. But with the dialysis she has started to show improvements. As many of you know my sister doesn't live by me so she has to head back soon for family obligations. She was mentioning to her during her wake time the 3 levels a living will entails from what the hospital gave her. And the levels of care. We wont make her sign it but my sister encouraged her to make a decision. Level 1 is the default level we are dealing with.... level 2 which we hope my mother to sign because we know she will not sign 3 and we want her to for her comfort but don't want her to for our sake. But level 2 is you get all the life sustaining treatment in the world but if no one is there to advocate for you or even if they are this paper takes precedence. There is no recessitation or ventalators <again spelling> if she passes she passes. The final one we don't think she will sign is hospice care. No life saving treatment. Just comfort until she passes.
I am grateful for all the support I have received both here and at home. Thank you

[drz]

Update. She is more lucid so the may be able to participate herself in our decisions. That gives me some peace. Yesterday she actually started producing urine. unfortunately this was just false hope her creatinie <spelling> levels are still rising meaning the urine is mostly water and the kidneys are not filtering. But with the dialysis she has started to show improvements. As many of you know my sister doesn't live by me so she has to head back soon for family obligations. She was mentioning to her during her wake time the 3 levels a living will entails from what the hospital gave her. And the levels of care. We wont make her sign it but my sister encouraged her to make a decision. Level 1 is the default level we are dealing with.... level 2 which we hope my mother to sign because we know she will not sign 3 and we want her to for her comfort but don't want her to for our sake. But level 2 is you get all the life sustaining treatment in the world but if no one is there to advocate for you or even if they are this paper takes precedence. There is no recessitation or ventalators <again spelling> if she passes she passes. The final one we don't think she will sign is hospice care. No life saving treatment. Just comfort until she passes.
I am grateful for all the support I have received both here and at home. Thank you

I feel sympathy for your situation. It reminds us all of the need to have a living will and health care directive outlining our desires so our family doesn't have to struggle with making such a decision when we are no longer able to do so. Had she ever discussed her feeling and wishes with you before she got ill?

[Urbanator]

My heart breaks for you... Know that you and your mother are in our prayers.

[chris.wg]

Only similar to she has now. We will not make her a category 3 unless she wants it. She has made that clear thru her life to me. But as far as recessitation her answer has always kind of been the same. She thinks she will be able to make that call. It is part of her stubbornness. She has always felt that way and when it happened with my grandfather because she didn't want to let go <even though everyone knew where he was at> she in her mind feels that saying number 2 is giving them permission to let you die and she always has. So as her family we are honoring her wishes. But can't get her to realize that number 2 is not that it is just making it so they don't bring her back and leave the call to myself and sister. I have tried to get my sister to see that I will be ok. It wont be easy but as her next of kin and knowing my mothers mentality I have been preparing for this for some time. Problem is my sister is about to leave back home she has family obligations there. She doesn't want me stuck with that call. And it causes her to break down also. As strong as I can be and have been when you take everything that has happened and add into it watching my baby sister not able to handle it... I tend to need a spot to talk things thru.

[renidrag]

Thinking of you today Chris, hope you all find peace.
Dale

[Debbie C]

Chris talk away any time ,you know that.I feel bad that your sister has to leave and you are there to handle everything. Remember though you need to take care of yourself also so you won't get sick.Keep us posted

[chris.wg]

Well the oncologist confirmed finally it is cancer. But he contacted the U of M <same place I go for treatment> They said treatment is possible without kidneys explained the process. We first need to confirm the type of cancer though. It is most likely ovarian but could be cervical. Only using cytology from fluid drawn. The cancer markers are a bit unusual and react like ovarian. But the unusual markers were seen a few times last year as cervical and misdiagnosed. She will see a obgyn since a biopsy of the areas is still out of the question. He gave us his prognosis. Its not good. Treatment will sustain life but she is dieing and eventually there will be a time the treatment is worse for her then the cancer. He discussed all this with us before U of M contacted him. If ovarian he has had a paticent live up to 10 years also had some die with in months so he is hesitant to give us a time but says the average is 3 years. Not knowing the specifics of the other women compared to our situation it still does not look good. But... just keep her in your prayers.

[annekat]

just keep her in your prayers. Yes, we will do so.... Good to know more about what is going on. Hoping for the best possible quality of life for her for as long as it lasts.

[jakekell]

Chris.wg,

I am so sorry that this situation is so bad. I did this with my mom, however she was 93 so was very different with your mom being so young. I am in the Kalamazoo area so I know what a great place U of M can be. I hope they can help her there hugs and prayer's out to you all.

Mary

[Debbie C]

Chris, I know its bad but the U of M does give you hope knowing there is treatment she can do.And hopefully her kidneys will start improving.I am keeping in you both in my prayers.

[Jayne 14]

Thinking of you
Hugs & prayers x


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[chris.wg]

Thank you all. Mom got the chest tube out today. She hasn't had any drainage in 3 or 4 days. That is good from the comfort level for her. She is still in the hospital and still has the tubes in her kidneys to drain them. They had her sitting up for a hour the other day. Hopefully we can get more days like that so she can start to feel somewhat normal. I no longer feel like we are looking at the difference in weeks and months for her. Unfortunately living with someone who had wide spread cancer with my step father I do know we are probably looking at short years or less. But it is better then thinking I was going to lose her that week I brought her in she was so touch and go. The 2 of us have been discussing the options between home health and assisted living care when she gets out. "I will never say around her if she gets out." She right now wants home health care but is willing to do assisted living if that is needed. She dose have some of the fight back in her and doesn't like her situation but also understands it's how she is still alive and is dealing with it.

Thank you all for the prayers.

Chris

[Debbie C]

Glad to hear she is starting to feel better,I'm sure having the chest tubes taken out helped a lot.Hope she will be able to come home soon...that will make her a lot better since she hates hospitals so much. Take care of yourself :hug2:

[PattyL]

Chris, So happy to hear your Mom is improving. She will also feel better i'm sure when she gets to leave the hospital. Wishing all the best for you guys.

[kaysee]

Chris, thinking of you and your mom. How is she doing? Is she well enough to leave the hospital?

[chris.wg]

Got horrible news today... Cancer biopsies are all in. The reason for the hard diagnosis of primary cancer is she is a rare case. 3 primary... doctor had presenter her case to a tumor board <never heard of this until today> given her current state they believe chemo would only make things worse for her. This was really the only treatment option left for her. He recommends hospice. She and I talked today about this. Her kidney function had come up to 16% right now she is holding onto that. I pray she is able to pull thru the kidney issues in time for some sort of treatment. But it is not looking very promising.

As always thank you for your prayer.

[jakekell]

Chris,

I am so sorry to hear things aren't going better. Hugs and prayers going out to you both.

Mary

[Debbie C]

Chris,so sorry to hear about the bad news you got. Why is she a rare case ? It is good to hear her kidneys are improving,hopefully they will come up with a treatment plan.Are you still talking with the dr from the U of M ? Still praying for you both

[annekat]

Thanks for sharing your very disappointing and heartbreaking news, Chris. I can only wish and hope for peace and comfort for your mom, or perhaps a second and better opinion. This must be so hard on all of you and you are in my thoughts and prayers.

[Alysia]

Speechless... I am sorry... praying for her & you...

[Jayne 14]

Thinking of u both
And saying a prayer too


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[chris.wg]

Sorry I haven't posted in a few days. I have been very busy and worn out as you may have guessed. She is still choosing to fight which means she is still in the hospital right now. She dose have her bad days and gets mad at the doctors and nurses. But she also knows what leaving means. Debra the reason she is considered a rare case as it was explained to me. Most people when they have cancer spread thru their body it has a single point of origin and the cancer cells are primarily of that kind. Rare cases they have 2 distinct types of cancer. My mother has 3. I'm not even sure how it is possible but that is what has happened in her case. With 3 types of cancer cells chemo is going to be a tougher call. So even if she ever got her self healthy enough to survive chemo finding the right treatment is going to be very very challenging.

[Debbie C]

That's a good explanation, Are her kidneys still improving ? Is that what is holding up the chemo treatment. Well she does have some things going for her,shes young and she has a strong will to live,that can do a lot.And maybe they will come up with a treatment that may work on all 3. Maybe they should try some rtx infusions..that seems to be a cure all. Hope all continues to go well. Don't give up her her cuz she hasn't.And try to get some rest....Keep us posted

[drz]

That's a good explanation, Are her kidneys still improving ? Is that what is holding up the chemo treatment. Well she does have some things going for her,shes young and she has a strong will to live,that can do a lot.And maybe they will come up with a treatment that may work on all 3. Maybe they should try some rtx infusions..that seems to be a cure all. Hope all continues to go well. Don't give up her her cuz she hasn't.And try to get some rest....Keep us posted


They can add radioactive mouse cells to RTX and get Zevalin which is highly effective on some resistant cancers. I know one woman who was considered terminal and was cancer free after some Zevalin treatment. Most cancer treatments are quite toxic to the body and thus they require that you have enough health to survive the treatment. The doctors can tell what treatment options are available and what might be most suitable. A consult with an expert facility like Mayo would be a good step too since they often specialize in treating the most difficult and challenging cases.

[Jaha]

Chris, I am so sorry to hear your Mom is in such bad shape. I am wishing her all the best for a good plan of attack against all that has stricken her. Please try to keep your strength up, by resting when you can. I am hoping for a blessing soon for you Mom and all of you.

[chris.wg]

Just a update. She is still alive and kicking but still in the hospital. The insurance company wont pay for a move out. The reasoning is she has certain needs that her coverage will only pay for while she is in a hospital not in a specialized nursing care facility. Until her doctor says she does not need them the hospital is where she will stay. Unless thru some miracle she gets good enough to come home. You never know when she went in I didn't believe she would make it this long so..... Anyways there is a new complication but it is more a annoyance for her right now being in the hospital as well as makes it hard to take my nieces up so they only come 1 at a time with mom so she can keep a close eye on them. Mom has C-Diff. I wont go into details. But know that its contagious but only by touching surfaces then not washing before eating or things like that. So I am safe so far I wash my hands every time I leave hospitals. Thanks to immunosuppressants. Any rate that is the current up date. thank you all for the thoughts and prayers

[Debbie C]

Hi Chris sorry to hear your mom has c-diff..I had it and I was soooo sick I lost about 20 ibs but that is because I had a terrible dr at the time who didn't think I was sick until I ended up in the hosp. You get it from taking to many antibiotics, I got it when I had an ear infection and was given 3 different antibiotics because it would not go away.When thinking back may have been one of the first signs of wg. But it takes way all your good bacteria. She needs yogart and gatoraid...well Im sure they now at the hosp.I feel so bad for her ,as if she isn't going thru enough already.
Have the drs come up with a treatment plan for the cancer ?

[Jaha]

I'm glad to hear things are a bit better, I am sorry that their is another complication to deal with. I will be keeping her and you in my thoughts. Please take care of yourself also. All the best to you and your family.

[chris.wg]

So my head is in a whirlwind right now. Just throwing out what I know. This may or may not be hard to follow. She may be moving today if not tomorrow after dialysis to a extended care facility. But also hospice is a possibility. She is seriously considering it. You can think you are ready and you can know all the information. But you are never ready for when your parent accepts it. The first words out of her mouth to me yesterday morning was. "I don't think I'm going to make it out of here". It hit me hard. I knew that, my sister knew that even the whole family knew that. But none of us would say that to her and before yesterday she was making plans for when she got out.
I'm just a bit lost right now.

Thank you all for being somewhere I can turn too.

[Debbie C]

Chris, I know its hard to think about losing a parent,I have lost my dad and my mother is in so much pain from 4 bad back surgeries that she cries everyday and says she doesn't want to keep going on. Your mom realizes her situation and knows the outcome doesn't look good but she also knows there is a chance and maybe once she gets out of the hosp. her attitude will get better, Stay positive...that will help her also. Are her kidneys getting better ?

[annekat]

I'm so sorry, Chris. I can understand how your mom's acceptance of the reality of this would hit you extra hard when hearing her express it. After all this time of sort of keeping it under the rug, so to speak. I hope Debra is right that there is still some hope, and if she does go to another facility or to hospice, that glimmer of hope will keep her going. Outside of the current hospital setting, I hope there will be some opportunities to get out and enjoy life a little. My thoughts will remain with her and you.

[BookNut]

Chris, I am so very sorry to hear this. My hope for you is that your Mom's acceptance might be a good thing ultimately. as Anne has suggested.Finding the right facility might allow more freedom and the ability for all of you to be together more easily as a family. If it relieves a certain amount of stress and allows for more freedom, it might even lengthen your time together. I am glad that you have found this forum.

[Alysia]

So my head is in a whirlwind right now. Just throwing out what I know. This may or may not be hard to follow. She may be moving today if not tomorrow after dialysis to a extended care facility. But also hospice is a possibility. She is seriously considering it. You can think you are ready and you can know all the information. But you are never ready for when your parent accepts it. The first words out of her mouth to me yesterday morning was. "I don't think I'm going to make it out of here". It hit me hard. I knew that, my sister knew that even the whole family knew that. But none of us would say that to her and before yesterday she was making plans for when she got out.
I'm just a bit lost right now.

Thank you all for being somewhere I can turn too.

I think that I know how it feels to be with your loved one dying... words are not enough to describe ... being frightened, overwhelmed, confused, helpless..... so much agony..... I can only cry with you and pray for you and her.... I think that it is good thing that she is ready to go. it can bring all of you more peace. sending hugs to you. please take care of yourself as well.

[chris.wg]

Last night we had a hospice consult. Mom was not doing well. Today I had a Rheumy appointment on the ride home I was told she is waiting on me to sign dnr. It wasn't a dnr... Mom is now in hospice care. I was told we are looking at days until coma then only days after that. I do hurt hearing this but also have comfort. The renal failure taking her will be far more peaceful then cancer eating her away and her being in pain. Thank you everyone for the support.

[Debbie C]

Chris,I am so sorry to hear about the sad news about your mom. My prayers are with her and you and your sister.May you all be given the strength to go these final days and the ones there after. I hope you are able to enjoy some time together with her. Take care ....hugs..

[BookNut]

So sad about this Chris. I hope your family is able to be together and to find peace in your Mom's last days. She is blessed to have you.

[Alysia]

My heart is going out to you and your family...
please let her know that she is going to a better place...
sending prayers to you, her and your family.

[chris.wg]

The good lord didn't waste any time. I was at the hospital with her in her hospice room. Laying on the couch the nurse tapped my shoulder and told me she was gone at 2:07. She was given her anxiety medicine at 1:30. So once she was comfortable she was done. Thank you everyone.

[Alysia]

Dear Chris, I cry with you... she is in peace now, in the presence of God, no more pains, no more sufferings... it is us who are left on earth who need to endure the sore longing for our departed loved ones... sending prayers and love.

[Debbie C]

Chris, I am so sorry to hear about the passing of your mom. You are right,at least the good Lord did not make her suffer.I pray you and your loved ones can find peace with this and know that she will always be with you.

[renidrag]

So sorry Chris, losing a loved one is not easy, we can know there is no more pain. Prayers to you and your family.
Dale

[annekat]

Chris, this makes my heart heavy this morning, which is as it should be, as we are here to share your burden in any way we can. Thanks for keeping us updated along the way, it means a lot. It's good that your mom did not suffer and was comfortable and at peace when the time came. You are right, it is so much better than letting the cancer continue to do its painful and destructive work. May you be comforted by knowing her anxiety is gone, and she is everlastingly at peace now. May you, your sister, and all other loved ones, be guided through this difficult transition by the grace of a higher power, and know that your mom will always be with you.

[Pete]

I'm sorry to hear of your Mom's passing. You did everything you could to make sure her suffering was minimized. I know you'll miss her...

[Dirty Don]

My condolences...best to you & yours.

[gilders]

Very sorry to hear of your mum's passing.
Hoping you can find some peace yourself knowing she is now in peace.

[PattyL]

Chris,

I am sorry to hear of your Mom's passing. My thoughts an prayers are with you and your family. You are a good daughter blessings to you and your family.

PattyL

[BookNut]

Chris, I am sorry for you and your whole family. I pray that your happy memories and the gathering of family over the next days and weeks will be a real comfort to you....along with the knowledge that you were there for her to help her into the next world. She was blessed to have you.

[BrianR]

So very sorry to hear this sad news Chris. My deepest sympathy.

[mishb]

I know it's really hard for you at the moment to take in all of these condolence messages.
I hope your family and friends are nearby to help you get through the day.
I am so sorry that your mum has passed, but I am glad that she is now pain free and in peace

[Jaha]

Chris,
I am very sorry for the loss of your Mother. I'm so glad that she passed so peacefully and is now in a better place. I so wish all of you and your loved ones, peace thru this stressful time. Please take care of yourself.

[jakekell]

Chris,

My deepest sympathy to you and all of your family. May you all have peace that your Mom is no longer suffering.

Mary

[Jayne 14]

Chris
I am so sorry to hear this
Sending you prayers & love at this difficult time
And thanks to your support : your mum is now at peace


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