Rearing my head and feeling guilty.

[NikkiNicole]

Hi Guys,

Remember me? Yea ... I haven't been around for a bit. I don't really have a good reason for not being here. I know I was sort of avoiding anything that had to do with being sick, or Wegener's, or Cancer or anything of the sort. I wanted it to be out of my mind. For awhile, as I am sure many of you know, it seemed like the only thing I talked about, the only thing people thought of when they thought of me, and all I could ever associate anything with. I needed a mental break.
There is also a major guilt factor that kept coming up. I'm not as sick as a lot of you. I feel almost guilty that I am able to live the life that I am able to. It isn't fair that people I know and care for are struggling so much to live a life that seems easy for me. Even when I was my sickest, I was worlds better than others and I feel terrible for that. It isn't fair! I would trade places in a heartbeat so that others can live.
I've been busy. I work 85 hours a week still. My husband keeps starting projects on the house that cost money. We are finally on the same page and budgeting so that maybe I can get some of this junk paid off so I can work less.
I mentioned last time I was here that I was eating differently. Only meat and veggies and water. Sounds crappy, but it's fabulous. When I have cheat days and eat what I am not supposed to there is an actual physical difference. I feel awful. So, I am sticking to what I know now. I'm down 43 lbs. I feel better. My blood work is better. I don't take any of my medications anymore. I go for my next round of blood work on 08/15/14. We'll see if things are still better.
I have been having a bit of pain in my sinuses, but they are clear ... and my ENT will chalk it up to migraines again, so I haven't gone in. My voice is scratchy all the time now. But ... again ... he'll say its nothing. So I haven't gone in. I have horrific leg cramps at night but that's a potassium issue from a lack of bananas. Other than that ... things are OK.
I wrote 2 novels. I've been busy trying to get an agent for them. One of them involves cancer and I poured my heart into it. One of the agents has asked to read some sample chapters so I am crossing my fingers so hard that he takes it. I am thinking of doing something about Wegener's ... but I am not sure yet.
So that's about it. I'm still here, still plugging away. I promise not to be such a stranger anymore.

Hope everyone is doing good. I'm all caught up on the forum now.

[annekat]

Good to see you back, Nikki, and congrats on sticking to your diet, losing weight, and feeling so much better. I guess we should all try that. I wouldn't feel guilty for taking a break from the forum. It takes a lot of time, plus, as you say, it's good to get away from always thinking about being sick. I think it was a wise move. I keep saying I'm going to cut back, myself, not answer every post and not welcome every new person. I think I've managed to back off a little. Your workload is huge! I, too, hope you are able to cut some hours eventually and have more time at home for yourself.

[vdub]

Good run down and glad you are doing better. You still a dispatcher for the cops?

[mishb]

Nikki that is an awesome report.

Many members just pop in from month to month or year to year just to fill us in on how they are doing...........please don't feel guilty about feeling good.

Off all medications, that also is an awesome effort.

Good luck with the books and just remember us, every now and then, when you are rich and famous :thumbsup:

[lag713]

So happy that you've been writing and eating healthy foods! A finished product and weight loss are great rewards! I'm a bit jealous. I know we were in similar treatment plans with similar symptoms a few months ago but I am still on MTX and my blood work showed increased inflammation a few weeks ago. My rheumy is having me come in tomorrow as a follow up to make sure the blood work is getting back on track. No reason to feel guilty for being away and absolutely no reason to feel guilty that your circumstances are improved and improving still. It sounds like a time to celebrate. Maybe with a vacation? Or, fewer working hours?

Take care and good luck with getting your novels published! :thumbup:

[NikkiNicole]

Hi guys!
Yes, I still dispatch the cops. I got a promising email from an agent today that I am crossing my fingers on. I'm doing well. I will never ever forget anyone here. I am still on track to get my blood work done every two months to make sure everything is OK. My doctor just went out on maternity leave. I will keep my fingers crossed that I stay healthy until she comes back!

[annekat]

Awesome.... we will all cross our fingers, too! Can't wait to hear what happens. And so glad you are off meds and feeling better!

[Debbie C]

Hi Nikki..that is all great news. I want to know what u are eating to lose all that weight,that's awesome. It's good to hear you are doing so well,you are working a ton of hours though, you must be exhausted. Keep us posted on your novels and when to expect to see them on the BIG screen ! Take care and don't be a stranger ( so long )