stress is not good for us

[Alysia]

Stress is not good for us. Isn’t is ?
I don’t know if I am going to share the "content" of my stress.
I just wanted to cry a bit here :crying::crying::crying: and to tell how much I am tired...
And sick of that stress. Literally. Chills and pains in the back and aching all over and it looks like prob another uti. So I took on my own the antibiotics that I have for it to kick it fast.
I know what makes me sick this time.
Thanks for listening. Thanks for being here. I love you all :love::love:
this can be a thread for all of us to "discharge" our tears and other feelings and ways of handling our stresss.....
thanks again.

[LisaT]

Understanding this connection is going to help you find ways to prevent it in future. We know it mentally, but being mindful of it in the moment it's occurring and feeling what it's actually doing to your body is a huge revelation. This is progress. Maybe next time you can refuse to 'take it on' and put up some boundaries or block out the negative energy. I can't do it myself (at least not well enough or often enough), but if and when I can I think it will help immensely. AND, I'm sorry you're feeling crummy and love you too! :hug1: It occurs to me that we can't afford to keep situations or people who knowingly make us feel this way...

hope you feel better soon.

[windchime]

Alysia I'm so sorry you are feeling stress. Maybe a meditation to help calm you. Some deep breaths or time with nature or your kitties. Go to your happy place. If you don't have one, create it. Everyone should have a happy place where they can go (mentally) to destress. I'm sending you love and healing energies to help you rebound. Love you too. :wub::wub::wub::hug1::hug1:

[jvilner]

Alysia, sending you support and hugs!! You are always there for everyone else, sending strength and encouragement. I hope you pass this period really fast.

[Alysia]

thanks Lisa, and Cindy and Joyce :love: :hug1:
here is my happy place :thumbup: once I share and cry, very shortly after I can breath better and continue more easily. I am easy to calm down. I am still wondering if I better share more or not.... :unsure: :confused1:
thanks for being here. I invite others to share their's issues.
I love you all :wub:

[pberggren1]

I'm so sorry sweetie pie. I wish I could hold you right now. I know the cause of your stress. You just need some good lovin from Dr. Phil.....:thumbup:

[Alysia]

I'm so sorry sweetie pie. I wish I could hold you right now. I know the cause of your stress. You just need some good lovin from Dr. Phil.....:thumbup:

thank you from the bottom of my heart, Dr. Phil :wub::hug1:without your kindness and awesome help I would have being dead by now. we are very blessed to have you with us. God bless your good soul :love:

[annekat]

I believe the stress connection is very real. For everyone, I'm sure, but it seems particularly so for those with WG or other AI diseases. It is just hard to talk about with everyone because it sounds like what everyone goes through. But they don't understand how quickly stress can increase our symptoms or make us sicker, and that it is ongoing, for the rest of our lives.

Alysia, I'm glad that writing about it might relieve some of the stress. Only share what you are completely comfortable sharing. I hope you don't get another UTI and that you feel much better soon. :hug2:

[LisaT]

I think our stresses, like so many other things, are similar, and I feel your pain. Unfortunately I don't know the solution, but feel free to share more if you want to. I think it is key for all of us to learn boundaries, better ways of dealing with and not absorbing the stress. Mindfulness, meditation, yoga, a good laugh, exercise, spending time with those people with whom we feel happy, relaxed and good, saying no to activities and people who make us feel depleted. I think for me these lessons are part of why these illnesses are in my life. They are my life lessons to learn this time around. I am noticing more the immediate effects in my body when I have negative encounters or experiences. The next step will be to repel the negative energy or darkness and refuse to take it on or take it in... For those who think that's all too woo-woo, I just need to learn to not let myself get stressed. Does any of this seem like it would help you? I've started avoiding the people in bad moods when their bad moods tend to affect me. Not really possible when it's my kids, but anyone else I can walk away from when I want to. My kids I can and do try to teach them to manage their own emotions and behaviour and not take things out on the people around them. It's a work in progress. I hope tonight and tomorrow are better for you...

[Alysia]

thanks Lisa for the good advices :thumbsup: and for your caring and kindness.

[gilders]

Hope you're feeling happier soon.
You're always one of the first to lend support and reply to people when they're feeling down.
Hope you realise you're well appreciated!

[ingemlb]

sorry to hear your are struggling with stress Aysia. I think the really bad stress is the type when we feel helpless to actually fix the problems causing the stress. My emotions are very unstable and I now know when it threatens gets out of control I need to take a valium to calm down. Sometimes now I take one before I go to an appointment that could become stressful. And I find it helps slow me down a bit.

But you are right. Stress is very harmful for all of us. Hence it's good to get help. I still see the Psychiatrist once a month and today my husband and I are starting counselling sessions again. We have ongoing stress both with coping with this illness and also coping with having a son who suffers with Schizophrenia. I tend to stress out over him at the slightest provocation. A good example was last night. And a good time I should have taken a valium but didn't :(. Our son lives in supported accommodation. That uses up most of his pension. He has very little cash that is given to him 2x a week to buy snacks or toiletries or cigarettes (he tried quitting a few times). He gets $25.00 twice a week put into his bank account by the State Trustees who manage his money. Well he decided to adopt a child via world vision so that was going to mean once a week they would take 15.00 out of his account. Anyway. Telecom managed to install a free phone line into his room so that people can call him. He can't make calls as he wouldn't be able to pay the bill. We also made sure he has a monthly internet account which is paid for by the State Trustees and doesn't affect his weekly cash amount (they adjusted the cash to allow for the internet bill). We bought him a laptop computer so that when he is out and about he can get online and get in touch with us. I also put some money onto his Skype account so he can make phone calls that way.

Last 2 days I can't ring him. His phone appeared off the hook. I managed to get hold of him on Saturday by ringing the office. They put him on and he told me there was something wrong with his desktop so he couldn't get onto the internet. And because last months he used up his gigs on the mobile internet account within the first 3 weeks he has decided to only use his laptop when he comes to visit us so that he is not using up his allowance by having all his software updated on 2 computers. Well ok. But now means when he roams around we can't hear from him. I told him to put his phone back on the hook. Yesterday his phone was still engaged. I rang the office back and was told he seems to have gone out. I rang Telecom and asks them to check his phone line and was told it appears there is a fault in the line so they will send a technician. Before I went to sleep I rang the office where he lives and was told no he had not come back.

So by now I was in quite a state. Absolutely no way to contact him. No idea where he is hanging out. He occasionally spends the entire night in the city. It's quite cold at the moment. I kept hoping he would catch a train to our place but no show.

It's times like this I live on prayer. But it doesn't always restore the peace. Our son is 41 years old now but his illness still makes him behave more like a teenager. He is on a lot of medication for his mental illness. I find it very hard to cope the nights he chooses to hang around the city :(

I found in the past my counsellor was extremely helpful in helping me cope with these stressful situations. This is just one example of where stress is caused by factors out of my control. Had I taken a valium I probably would have slept through the night :(

So I guess we all need to get help to develop coping strategies not to let life's stresses cause flare ups of the illness. Sounds to me from what I have read here in the forum that stress is one of the biggest triggers :(

Hope you are feeling better today Alysia. Love to all ... Inge.

[LisaT]

Inge, you are an amazing mom and your son is fortunate to have you. It seems that some families who have a family member with a mental illness like your son's can't handle the stress and end up throwing their hands in the air. You take such good care of him. I can't even imagine how much stress it puts on you when you can't reach him and make sure he's okay. I know from just minor ailments how hard it is when your child isn't well and you can't fix it for them. I applaud your dedication and your self-care to make sure it doesn't get the better of you.

[ingemlb]

Thank you Lisa for your kind words.
I thought I better add that the next morning I managed to trsck down my son. All the time I was stressed out of my brain hecwas fast asleep in his bed!!!!

[Alysia]

Hope you're feeling happier soon.
You're always one of the first to lend support and reply to people when they're feeling down.
Hope you realise you're well appreciated!

aww :wub: thank you so much, Pete, for your kind words and heart warming support.
I miss you around. how are you ?

I am feeling better today in my soul. more encourged. still I didn't sleep well at night, I had pains in my lower back on the sides (kidneys area ? because of the uti ???) and stomach aches. but the antibiotics is already working.

Thank you so much everyone for making me feel much better. I love you :love: :hug1:

[Alysia]

thanks Inge for sharing. my heart is aching your sorrows and fears. :crying:
I wonder if it is possible to give your son a cell phone to carry with him all the time, this way you will be able to call him whenever you are worried. we need to think about you, and how to prevent you from such a stress. I can only imagine how frightned you were ! I bet I was getting all my hair white in a night like that.
I think that you are an amazing mother and that he is blessed to have you. I still remember his touching and beautiful poem.
take care. lots of hugs to you and to him :hug1:

[ingemlb]

thanks Inge for sharing. my heart is aching your sorrows and fears. :crying:
I wonder if it is possible to give your son a cell phone to carry with him all the time, this way you will be able to call him whenever you are worried. we need to think about you, and how to prevent you from such a stress. I can only imagine how frightned you were ! I bet I was getting all my hair white in a night like that.
I think that you are an amazing mother and that he is blessed to have you. I still remember his touching and beautiful poem.
take care. lots of hugs to you and to him :hug1:

Thanks Alysia. Glad you are feeling better today :) Yes I have wished in vain for 20 years that we could give Peter a mobile phone but he has a phobia about mobiles and refuses to use them :(

[BookNut]

So sorry that stress is getting you down Alysia. I hope you can take some time out and follow LisaT's advice on another thread...the one about what have you done for you today. iT is great if you can get a whole day to escape...but even if you carve out an hour or two a day to do something that you LOVE to do, that would helps so much. Take care of yourself!!

[Psyborg]

Alysia, I understand the stress thing completely. Felt good yesterday until I had a really stressful day at work. Slept terrible last night and all sorts of body aches this morning. Starting to think I need to avoid moving even remotely towards management lol.

[Alysia]

Thanks Jacquie and Bob. :love:
I think that the challenge is that we need to find ways to escape from the stress, first of all inside our souls, because sometimes it is still out there, in the outside.... untill better days will come...
Bob, the "payment" is def in the body. pains for sure :crying: I tend to get infections....
some days I wish I could have "ears" like Phil's ears, so I can "take them OFF" and not hear things that add to the stress.... :rolleyes1:

[Michael Bell]

Hi Alysia, sorry to hear about the stress in your life. I try not to let stress get to me now, and so far I am doing ok with it. I do not know what to tell you,
as it is all personal as is how we learn to deal with it. As a stuborn, cantancarus old sod I try to put stress on others rather than suffer myself. I hope you find a way to reduce or deal with the stress soon and send you a big hug.
Mike

[annekat]

Alysia, I'm thinking of you and hoping you feel better, and the conditions causing the stress are easing up. I haven't seen you around much lately, but haven't checked Facebook yet this morning. Sending this out with love and appreciation for all you say and do here.:love:

[Alysia]

thank you so much Mike and Anne. you are very kind and sweet and supporting.
yes, I am feeling much better. I might share more in the future. still not feeling easy to share.
Thanks again everyone for your supprt and encourgment. I love you all :wub:
sending hugs....

https://i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/6056253440/h98F846E1/

[windchime]

:wub::wub::hug1::hug1::love::love::hug1::hug1:

[Alysia]

thanks Cindy, sending to you as well. and thank you, all the others around :wub:

https://scontent-b-fra.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xap1/t1.0-9/10462492_679725938774800_7461918254878738627_n.jpg

[Alysia]

I just saw this and couldn't resist posting it here :wink1: (btw, still having stress, but trying to handle it towards solution).

https://scontent-b-fra.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xap1/t1.0-9/10475506_10152223303573030_4700207902176100775_n.j pg

[annekat]

Good one, Alysia. So sorry to hear you are still having stress. I hope there is indeed a solution soon.

[Alysia]

another nice one:

https://fbcdn-sphotos-d-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpf1/t1.0-9/10448230_531942483578472_7456438953893767334_n.jpg

[D.B.]

Stress is not good for us. Isn’t is ?
I don’t know if I am going to share the "content" of my stress.
I just wanted to cry a bit here :crying::crying::crying: and to tell how much I am tired...
And sick of that stress. Literally. Chills and pains in the back and aching all over and it looks like prob another uti. So I took on my own the antibiotics that I have for it to kick it fast.
I know what makes me sick this time.
Thanks for listening. Thanks for being here. I love you all :love::love:
this can be a thread for all of us to "discharge" our tears and other feelings and ways of handling our stresss.....
thanks again.

So sorry! How are you feeling today? This forum is a great place to vent out stresses. Sometimes I think we can be in denial of the stressors in our lives. ITA 100% with LisaT's posts. Identifying negative people/energy is first step to ridding it from our lives.
I read an article yesterday at the library about link to antibiotics in chicken and recurring UTI's. With all your researching skills (impressive :wink1:) I figure you may have encountered the latest research on this subject.

[ingemlb]

We also need to be aware that our condition causes quite a bit of stress. Knowing about it causes stress. My Psychiatrist told me the other day that inflammation can cause quite a bit of depression as well and then we know that the drugs we are on don't help either. Hence we are far more vulnerable to stress already so added to that external stress and we need to learn to be very kind to ourselves and protect ourselves or everything will compound :(

[Beverly]

Alysia...

I just wanted to let you know how much you encourage me with your words and your wonderful pictures. They make me smile and sometimes laugh :lol: and say "yes"!

You are so good at encouraging others and I pray that you will receive encouragement from the rest of us. I know you are loved and I feel as if I have known you for a long time. You have a giving heart :love: and I know that you have the strength within you to tackle whatever comes your way as you help the rest of us to tackle whatever comes our way...one day at a time.

Much love to you :wub:

[mishb]

I find myself thinking about you every day Alysia.
I hope you and all of your family are keeping safe in these trying times :hug1:

[Fran]

Alysia, I'll second what Michelle has written - you are in my thoughts also - Fran x

[annekat]

Me, too, Alysia..... It scares me to think how it must feel living there and not knowing what will come next. Prayers for peace are going out, and wishes for you to find peace in your personal issues as well. We all love you here, as you know....:wub::hug1:

[Alysia]

So sorry! How are you feeling today? This forum is a great place to vent out stresses. Sometimes I think we can be in denial of the stressors in our lives. ITA 100% with LisaT's posts. Identifying negative people/energy is first step to ridding it from our lives.
I read an article yesterday at the library about link to antibiotics in chicken and recurring UTI's. With all your researching skills (impressive :wink1:) I figure you may have encountered the latest research on this subject.
thanks Dina :thumbup: I will look for that article. sounds intresting. today I was more tired and still experiencing some stress. this forum is amazing :love: I couldnt survive without my weggie family.

[Alysia]

awww :love: thank you so much, Dina, and Inge, and Beverly, and fran, and Michelle and Anne and everyone around here :wub::hug1:you warm my heart and make me tears, good ones, of feeling understood and safe here, feelings that I lack at my daily environment, in which I have to work and take care of others. words are not enough to express how I am grateful to you, my dear friends :love:

[Alysia]

I just need to share a bit.... I hope that's ok.... :unsure: still having stress.... tough morning :crying:
it's just amazing how the body reacts to it, aching joints and ears, red eyes (not only from crying), and fatigue.... Thank you for being here.

[annekat]

I'm so sorry, Alysia, but glad you are sharing it with us to help relieve the burden, I hope. I don't want your stress to cause a flare.... take a little extra pred, maybe? :hug2:

[windchime]

Alysia so sorry you are going through this. It's painful to be sure, but I hope it will soon be over and you can get on with your life. Of course you have us and here is a virtual hug for you. :hug1::love:

[Alysia]

thanks Cindy and Anne :love: my sharing and your support making me feel better.

[D.B.]

Hi :hug2: hope today is a better day

[ingemlb]

Alysia my Psychiatrist noticed I was not all that bubbly and happy during my last visit. Didn't even notice it myself anymore. I think depression sneaks up on you and you don't always know how down you are. Anyway he told me it's not only the Pred that makes you depressed but it's a fact that inflammation also causes a lot of depression and anxiety. So as inflammation is a given in our lives we are therefor far more sensitive to stress than others. He told me not to be scared of taking the odd valium to calm down my mind.

I had a rather stressful session again today. It's funny how things always come in multiples. First I had a phone call from our son who has been waiting for a week to get his internet back on. It may sound like something trivial but as he is paranoid about mobile phones we organised for him to have mobile internet so that when he is out and about we can still contact him or he us as he can send emails (via his laptop) to my phone. That takes away some of the stress. When he uses up his internet allowance then we feel quite cut off. He has a phone in his room (free from our Telstra provider which allows him to receive but not make calls) so I know when he is out ... he doesn't answer his phone so when he is gone for a whole day I tend to stress out. Anyway over a year ago we were successful in getting an Administrator assigned to manage his finances, all part of making him less dependant on us. Well it's been an uphill battle with the Administrators (State Trustees here in Melbourne) as we seem to get dragged into the mess all the time. Since late last year we have been trying to get them to add his internet bill to their list of bills to be paid. They have been deducting the amount from the cash they give him 2x a week (he only gets 25.00 2x a week the rest goes to pay his board and chemist bills) So they have the money for it sitting in his account. I found out a few months ago they had not paid a single bill. We only found out when his internet was cut off. I was in hospital at the time so got a bit upset with them as this was not the first stuff up. So they claimed they would fix it. However to get him online quickly we paid the bill and deducted it from money from what we provide to them to supplement his board money. About a month ago I was checking his account and noticed that all his invoices were unpaid since the time we paid them. So the Administrator had not paid a single bill. i blew up and rang them and sorted it all out. Today our son rings us that his internet was cut off and he visited the local ISP office (well not all that local, required a bus ride) and was told his account was in arrears and hence they put a stop on it. So once again I rang the State Trustees told them what's the point of having them as administrators (a service by the way they also charge for) when we as his parents have to continuously check up on them. I said I was too ill for this and furious that a month after our last discussions bills were still not paid. First they told me no invoice had arrived yet. I told them to look again because I personally had emailed them copies off all outstanding invoices. They said the check had been sent 2 weeks ago however not been cashed. Well so it may be but I also reminded them that I am waiting since the beginning of the year to get a statement sent to me to show me how they have spent his money. That has now been sent twice to the wrong address. By now I was ready to explode.
I was still totally stressed out when someone seemed to have gotten into our locked front yard and was rattling the blinds on my window and yelling out at the top of his voice. My husband went out to investigate. The guy said he was offering to service our car. We believe it was someone casing the place to see who was home. So now we were both shook up. Finally I remembered the valium and took one. Then we sat down and watched a movie to distract ourselves.

It's things one usually can take in ones stride that show me that I am not coping with even the slightest amount of stress. So it's a vicious cycle. Inflammation causes stress and stress causes flare ups of inflammation. We need to be very gentle with ourselves.

Yesterday I was in a mess crying about feeling a total failure. In Dec 2010 my Mum moved in with us. Something we had always planned for when she could no longer look after herself. 2011 was the hardest year of my life. Mum was a terrible hoarder. Getting her to give up her things (a house with 3 bedrooms and a lounge, a large attic and 2 giant sheds in the backyard totally full of stuff most of which had rotted) was a total nightmare and getting Mum to adjust to no longer being independent, giving up a house that was falling down around her ears and which she was not keen to get help to keep clean and sort out (she was legally blind and couldn't see the mess) it was hard for all. For Mum and for us. I had overestimated my health and by the end of the year I was a total mess and my sister came to the rescue and invited Mum to move to NZ to live with her. Which worked out well because a new start made it much easier for Mum to let go of all she had here. After one year of arguing about every item that had to be disposed she took off to NZ with a suitcase . We then had to sell the house and that made 2012 a very hard year. Also we had a few trips to NZ to visit Mum and see how she was doing. Then 2013 was the year from hell when my own illness really flared and Mum became more and more ill then had a massive fall and badly broke her hip in August which was the beginning of the end. She died a week before Christmas. At the same time earlier in the year our son had a bad psychotic episode and we had to finally decide he needed to move out of our house as we were finding it harder to cope and felt also that he had no incentive to better himself and to become a bit more independent, something he was actually capable of. It was a hair raising situation all year.

So yesterday I was crying and telling my husband I feel such a terrible failure. I failed Mum and I failed our son. I always felt very strong about us having a house that could be a haven for the family if anyone was in need. And I am totally disappointed that for the 2 most in need this did not work out. My husband had to remind me how sick I am and how hard it all was but still I was totally depressed. So I guess I have to remind myself it's not the circumstances that depress us but our illness and on top of that the toxic drugs we need to take.

I am sharing this to help others understand that we are able to over react even to small issues. When major issues aries it's almost impossible to cope.

My Psychiatrist would like to prescribe me some kind of mild dose antidepressant but the one he had in mind can't be taken with Tramadol and as that seems to be the only pain med left that helps me I don't really want to leave myself without it. So I guess I have to stick to the odd valium and remember to take it when the panic or anxiety or depression hits rather than when I am so worked up I can't think straight any more :(

Alysia i hope your situation improves and you get some peace. I think it is good to share our concerns. Sometimes it helps just to write about them. I should probably go back to writing in my journal :) something i started early in the year and stopped when this all got out of control.

Take care and be gentle with yourself.

[annekat]

Wow, Inge. You have been through a parade of major stressful experiences. Dealing with unfair and what amounts to criminal treatment by bureaucracy, the family issues and the loss of your mother, all on top of having WG and other significant health issues. The stuff you have been through would cause major stress to most people without an autoimmune or any other particular disease. I hope it made you feel better to write it all out, and to know that we will read it and understand a lot about your situation. And I, too, wish for Alysia a resolution to the things that are stressing her out, and for both of you to keep the Wegs dog at bay during these difficult times.

[windchime]

Inge it's sad that you have had to go through all this. It's very difficult to deal with issues when we're ill, so please don't beat yourself up too badly. I know it's hard to accept our own limitations (especially since being sick), but I think that's an important part of our mental healing process. I'm currently struggling with this myself.

As far as the antidepressant goes, there are many different ones on the market. Maybe you can ask for a different one. Valium helps with the stress, but doesn't help with the depression. For long term management of depression you need the antidepressant or you will have big highs and lows similar to your BG levels. That will do more harm than good.

I hope that you have a good day today and remember, "what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger." :hug1:

[LisaT]

Inge, that is a LOT to go through in a few short years. From the outside looking in, you haven't failed anybody. You've done everything possible for your mom and your son, and you've helped your son become more independent. I can relate to the feeling, because I have spent far too much time and too many tears feeling like I've failed my family too... Sometimes it's as simple a thing as a shrivelled plant I forgot to water or a sink full of dirty dishes and I'm beating myself up over everything I can't do or don't do well enough... When my kids are upset that I can't go on a field trip or wonder allowed why we don't bake 'from scratch' it kills me. All I can say is it helps to focus on what we can and do accomplish, and what we're able to give them even when it's not a concrete or physical accomplishment. The most important things: our unconditional love, support, understanding... And being there to see, hear, love and understand them. These are the things they need the most and what they will remember and feel about these times. Your son is so fortunate to have you on his side. It's not easy caring for a family member who is mentally ill, and it seems like you've set up the best situation you can to allow him some independence but also still oversee his affairs and care for him and keep in touch. Be kind to yourself. What would you say to a good friend in your position? Say it to yourself...

Thanks for for sharing all of that. I can totally relate. And it's a good point about the inflammation causing depression. Kind of like pain and depression, it seems it can be a vicious cycle. Have you thought about trying any of the herbs or natural remedies for depression? You'd need to run it by a dr or pharmacist but I've heard some of them can help. Might be worth looking into.

Alysia i I hope your stress has settled down too, or will very soon if it hasn't. Hugs to both of you.

[drz]

The administration for managing son's finances sounds awfully inept. Here is USA one can generally hire or select appropriate 'guardians" to manage finances. The trick is to find some one who is responsible and able and willing to work with your son. If is often a difficult job and it pays very little so it is sort of a volunteer position to help people who need such services to pay their bills. They have to provide records to court to confirm their management of the money which can also be reviewed. The court will replace them if they are inept and can prosecute them if they are dishonest.

Do you have any options of replacing the horrible manager your son now has?

[ingemlb]

drz my counsellor told me to go back to the tribunal and ask them to do an audit of the Administration service. Trouble is I am physically not up to going through all that again right now. So I need to just struggle on with what's in place until I feel a bit better.

Thanks everyone for caring and your words of comfort. if it continues the Psychiatrist will do something. In the meantime I have another counselling appointment next monday so will see how that goes or back to the GP to discuss the problem.

[lag713]

Inge, I'm so sorry to hear about that. I know these problems are not easily solved and feel outside of your control which makes it even more stressful. On the other hand, I'm so happy to hear that you are working with a psychiatrist to help with your anxiety and depressive symptoms. It is easier said than done to get the help you need! I have put off reaching out to a psychologist for help with my anxiety (existing before and after health problems) and it seems like the other demands of work and attending to my treatment gives me more of an excuse to continue putting it off. I would probably benefit from seeing a psychologist even more so now that I have additional emotional stress from this chronic condition. I think I'll make that appointment today...

[ingemlb]

Inge, I'm so sorry to hear about that. I know these problems are not easily solved and feel outside of your control which makes it even more stressful. On the other hand, I'm so happy to hear that you are working with a psychiatrist to help with your anxiety and depressive symptoms. It is easier said than done to get the help you need! I have put off reaching out to a psychologist for help with my anxiety (existing before and after health problems) and it seems like the other demands of work and attending to my treatment gives me more of an excuse to continue putting it off. I would probably benefit from seeing a psychologist even more so now that I have additional emotional stress from this chronic condition. I think I'll make that appointment today...

Glad to hear you are taking action. I have been getting counselling for a number of years and don't know how I would have coped without it given our situation. Not only my health issues but dealing with complicated family matters. Our oldest son is a recovering alcoholic and I needed counselling to cope with it and the counsellor had me prepared to jump into action once he put up his hand to ask for help. It's been nearly 7 years now since he has been off all alcohol and drugs and he too is now seeing a psychiatrist to help him cope with his depression. He had been self-harming quite a while. Then our youngest son suffers from Schizophrenia and without my counsellor I don't think I would have had the courage to move him out of home or to even know how to go about it. She was a wealth of information. Assigned to me originally by a local Carer's group.

The Psychiatrist was assigned to me within hospital shortly after diagnosis and the pred nearly turned me psychotic. The doctors decided I needed to see someone and the good thing was he understood immediately that it was the Pred that pushed me over the edge. So I decided to stick with him after I left hospital and the carer's group gave me some more counselling sessions as well as even though our son is not living with us we are still officially his carers. Sometimes it seems that we are even more involved now since he has moved out as before he was simply becoming a hermit in a bungalow in our back yard and slowly degenerating into some feral being who didn't feel the need to wash himself or clean his surroundings :( Trouble is he was not compliant with his medication and started drinking a lot so now they have him on a community treatment order and he gets his meds via monthly injections. IT has made all the difference in the world. Almost like we have our son back and we can be parents again instead of the monsters constantly on his back and treating him "like a child" instead of a 40 yo adult. Well his behaviour was more that of a permanent teenager. But now there are longer and longer periods where he is quite mature in his outlook and tells us he likes where he is living and has made contact with friends and church and also made new friends in his little community.

So I am VERY THANKFUL that I decided years ago I couldn't do it on my own. I found a book in the city which said "how to shop for a shrink" and it explained that there is no stigma attached in getting counselling or psychiatric help in fact it was in many instances a sign of strength that you are willing to admit you need the help :) So you have made the first step. Made the decision to act. I hope you go through with it. It may take you a bit to find the person you can best relate to but hang in there. The first sessions are not always easy because a lot is dredged up but once you get beyond those things improve :)

[lag713]

That is quite a bit of family stress. I'm sorry about those issues. Addiction is a powerful force and it is difficult to help someone in that state. I'm glad your oldest son has been off of drugs and alcohol for nearly 7 years and is seeking help. That is really wonderful to hear. What a success!

I used to work with families with children with autism. Autism and schizophrenia have almost nothing in common except your experience as a caregiver can be quite similar. It is so difficult to want something better for your child yet be unable to help them the way you want to help. I'm so happy that the counselors were able to help you through the process. It seems like your youngest son is in a much better place now and is making good progress. I hope things continue to improve for him and your relationship.

I've never been worried about the stigma attached to getting counseling but I felt like I would be able to work out problems on my own. Obviously, that hasn't quite worked! :rolleyes1:

[Alysia]

Hi Inge,
I am sorry that it took me some to relate to your posts. (being too busy this week).
I think that you are an amazing mother. you do whatever you can, with love and caring. please don't be tough with yourself. your stress is enormous. it is really too much :crying: just think about all the things that you handle ar once, and be amazed of yourself and also proud. you are much more strong and good then you think you are. sending lots of hugs.... :hug1::hug2:

[Alysia]

Update: it is over. Thanks God. I am divorced now.

Sent from my GT-I9100T using Tapatalk

[windchime]

Alysia, so happy that you made it through this. Hopefully things will settle down for you and there will be much less stress. Is it appropriate to do the happy dance now? :hug3: Relief dance it is!!

[mishb]

Oh my goodness

I'm not sure whether to be happy for you or sad :unsure:
I am however, so glad that you made it through today. You know I was worrying about you and the drive :crying: :biggrin1:

I hope you can now have time to breathe easier and sleep sounder :hug1:

[Alysia]

Thanks Cindy. Not happy dance because it is a sad thing. But relief dance. Another update: there are rockets here from Gaza. Not where I live , thanks God, but I planned a trip and have some delay because rockets are falling near. Praying for peace.

[Alysia]

Oh my goodness

I'm not sure whether to be happy for you or sad :unsure:
I am however, so glad that you made it through today. You know I was worrying about you and the drive :crying: :biggrin1:

I hope you can now have time to breathe easier and sleep sounder :hug1:
Thanks. I already breathing better.

[windchime]

Thanks Cindy. Not happy dance because it is a sad thing. But relief dance. Another update: there are rockets here from Gaza. Not where I live , thanks God, but I planned a trip and have some delay because rockets are falling near. Praying for peace.

Praying for the safety of all, especially you and your family and our weggie family in Israel. Be safe.

[jvilner]

Alysia: today was a very big step towards relieving your stress. I wish you all the strength and send you support! You are a beautiful, strong woman🌸

[Marius]

Alysia, as you are always there for everyone else, you are now in our thoughts and prayers.

[annekat]

Alysia, I am shocked, because I didn't know, though I had some suspicions about the source of your stress. Even though you probably made the right choice, and are feeling some relief from that stress, I know it is still sad and will be for some time, and will take a lot of adjustment, and there will be ups and downs along the way. What is happening in your country does not make it any easier. My thoughts and prayers are with you, hoping that you will make it through each day finding some happiness and few problems. My thoughts and prayers are also with your kids, your ex-husband, your patients, your cats, and all your friends and relatives in Israel. Peace be with you.

[LisaT]

You've been in my thoughts all night and morning. I'm sorry that the relief you're feeling and the beginning of your next phase are marred by the monsters and the rockets. I'm relieved for you about the divorce and hope that there is a weight off your shoulders, your heart, and your soul. You are a beautiful person and deserve to be loved unselfishly and treated like a queen. I know that you will have some trying times but I also know you're heading in the right direction and towards better things. I'm also sure that this will help you to achieve remission. I sense that you were being depleted by the situation and now you will have more strength. Praying for peace, for you and your family, and for your safe travel. (And doing a relief dance!) :hug3::hug3:

[rebekah]

Oh Alysia, I am so sorry you are going through so much! You are such a wonderful person, and I am sending positive thoughts your way to help you get through this rough time. And I hope you, your family, and your friends stay safe in all that is happening in Israel.

[drz]

drz my counsellor told me to go back to the tribunal and ask them to do an audit of the Administration service. Trouble is I am physically not up to going through all that again right now. So I need to just struggle on with what's in place until I feel a bit better.

Thanks everyone for caring and your words of comfort. if it continues the Psychiatrist will do something. In the meantime I have another counselling appointment next monday so will see how that goes or back to the GP to discuss the problem.

Here in the USA we might be able to get an attorney to pursue such action through legal aid and farm it out to them and let them fight the system and get some resolution and satisfaction. Are there any volunteer professionals available to help in this case? I realize that not every place is as fortunate to have as many resources.

[BookNut]

I hope that this sad ending will ultimately be the beginning of an awesome new life for you! You deserve a stress free life!

[Debbie C]

Alysia, I'm sorry I had to catch up reading this thread and I am so sorry you have been suffering in silence over your divorce. I know it is a hard thing to go through..I've done it twice. But things happen for a reason and hopefully you will find someone else soon to fill the void you have and make you happy as you deserve to be. I pray God keeps you and your loved ones ( and everyone there ) safe. Please be careful,even while taking your walks.And try to remeber the dog picture a few pages back.,now its time for you to just pee on it and walk away.:hug2::love: Sending you love and hugs.

[ingemlb]

Alysia I feel very sad for you. When a relationship ends it is always rather tragic regardless if it was happy or not. Once upon a time there was enough love to start it so it makes me sad when the love disappears. I hope you will start to feel stronger and able to start a new life for yourself.


As this has become our “destressing” thread I thought I may as well get it all of my chest again. We have been totally stressed out again too. Our son is in the middle of a psychotic episode after everything seemingly going very well with him. We think it may be that he was taking regular medication on top of his injections and maybe suddenly ran out but he doesn’t admit not taking them. Anyway he has fallen foul with the owners and staff of the residence he lives in and they contacted the Mental Health Crisis team to get him assessed and put into hospital for a few days to stabilise. The Crisis team disagreed he was sick enough. But he was supposedly upsetting all the other residents and staff and up all night disturbing the peace. He himself claims he is being victimised by certain staff members but that makes no sense as only a few weeks ago we were told how much they liked him there. My husband noticed the other day he was acting strange when he took him out for lunch so it was not a total surprise.


Anyway he is refusing to comply with the house rules. The psychiatrist is refusing to put him into hospital. The Residence is refusing to take him back without treatment so it was either the street or coming home. So he has been sent home to us for 4 nights whilst this is sorted out All this has been traumatic for him making him even more ill. It appears to us that the treatment team and the residence are not seeing eye to eye and have some gripes against each other and he is the meat in the sandwich now. We however agree he needs to be in hospital but it’s not up to us to admit him.


The crisis team will visit each night and give him any extra meds they think he needs. But I know for a fact he will be sitting half the night on the patio where he likes to pray out loud at the top of his voice and that’s right next door to our neighbour’s bedroom. Or he will retire to his room and be in and out all night having a smoke. In either case what he won’t do is go to sleep :(


If this doesn’t resolve then the residence will kick him out and then we are worse off than we were early last year when he was living in a bungalow in our back yard. The bungalow has since been repossessed by the government (he was renting it from them) so that’s is no longer an option and we can’t simply turn back the clock and start this all over again. It was hard enough last year but now with this illness on top of it and my husband just turned 70 so we are not fit enough to deal with recurring psychotic episodes. The Residence he is living in are supposed to be set up to deal with these things but they need the support of the treatment team and obviously are not getting it.

[drz]

Alysia I feel very sad for you. When a relationship ends it is always rather tragic regardless if it was happy or not. Once upon a time there was enough love to start it so it makes me sad when the love disappears. I hope you will start to feel stronger and able to start a new life for yourself.


As this has become our “destressing” thread I thought I may as well get it all of my chest again. We have been totally stressed out again too. Our son is in the middle of a psychotic episode after everything seemingly going very well with him. We think it may be that he was taking regular medication on top of his injections and maybe suddenly ran out but he doesn’t admit not taking them. Anyway he has fallen foul with the owners and staff of the residence he lives in and they contacted the Mental Health Crisis team to get him assessed and put into hospital for a few days to stabilise. The Crisis team disagreed he was sick enough. But he was supposedly upsetting all the other residents and staff and up all night disturbing the peace. He himself claims he is being victimised by certain staff members but that makes no sense as only a few weeks ago we were told how much they liked him there. My husband noticed the other day he was acting strange when he took him out for lunch so it was not a total surprise.


Anyway he is refusing to comply with the house rules. The psychiatrist is refusing to put him into hospital. The Residence is refusing to take him back without treatment so it was either the street or coming home. So he has been sent home to us for 4 nights whilst this is sorted out All this has been traumatic for him making him even more ill. It appears to us that the treatment team and the residence are not seeing eye to eye and have some gripes against each other and he is the meat in the sandwich now. We however agree he needs to be in hospital but it’s not up to us to admit him.


The crisis team will visit each night and give him any extra meds they think he needs. But I know for a fact he will be sitting half the night on the patio where he likes to pray out loud at the top of his voice and that’s right next door to our neighbour’s bedroom. Or he will retire to his room and be in and out all night having a smoke. In either case what he won’t do is go to sleep :(


If this doesn’t resolve then the residence will kick him out and then we are worse off than we were early last year when he was living in a bungalow in our back yard. The bungalow has since been repossessed by the government (he was renting it from them) so that’s is no longer an option and we can’t simply turn back the clock and start this all over again. It was hard enough last year but now with this illness on top of it and my husband just turned 70 so we are not fit enough to deal with recurring psychotic episodes. The Residence he is living in are supposed to be set up to deal with these things but they need the support of the treatment team and obviously are not getting it.

Some times you have to persist in making them aware of the severity of the problems caused by the mental illness before they can or will respond. Most likely they view his case or problem less severe than others they are attempting to manage at this time. If there are any possible indications of potential for violence toward himself or others they most likely will deem his case more serious and in need of in patient care. Some times it is necessary to ask peace officers to intervene and often after several such calls they will see the person gets some help.

A second opinion from another psychiatrist might also yield a different opinion. Years ago it was very easy around here to get inpatient care for persons with mental illness but some thought it was too easy so they made it much more difficult and then with cut backs in mental health services many people with mental illness ended up on streets and in jails.

Sorry to hear you have to deal with this most unpleasant and stressful situation. Hope it some how gets addressed to result in a better situation for all.

[annekat]

Inge, I'm sad for you and your son, that he has become so unstable and that you, with all your existing issues, are having this extra burden laid upon you again. Mental illness is an awful thing. I have a brother who has some issues there and has been on and off the street, currently living in a subsidized apartment. But he doesn't appear to be in nearly as bad a shape as your son. This kind of stress you really don't need, especially having him on the premises. But I know you will worry and be stressed even if he is somewhere else. You are a good mother, and there is only so much you can do. It is heartbreaking to know you are going through this. I can only hope he will be stabilized by taking his meds, or whatever will do it, and that he can return to his residence and be on more of an even keel. Will be thinking of you.

[windchime]

So sorry Inge that you are having to go through this right now. Mental illness is a tough thing to deal with and you can only do so much sometimes. This doesn't mean you are bad parents, it just means the resources aren't there to help you. I hope they will be able to get him stabilized at home and the residence will take him back for both you sakes. Please try to get some rest and use your counselor as this is what they are there for. Much love to you and your family.

[ingemlb]

Tanks DRZ Anne and Cindy. We had the Crisis team member visit last night for quite a while. They intend to come 2x a day and we can call on them more often if needed. They are putting him on very high doze meds to calm his mind hoping that will settle him enough to start to see reason. Right now he is totally non rational in his thinking and going around in circles thinking everyone has it in for him including his parents. He believes staff members are telling lies about him and how dare we believe them not him. All part of his paranoia and psychosis right now. I told the nurse who was here that he is far more ill than they are making out and she seemed to agree when she listened to him for a while however on some level he still has himself in enough control so they feel hospital is still not warranted. They don't believe he will self-harm or harm others. There is no history of physical violence, just mental aggression when he gets out of control, which can be hard to take.
Anyway with all the help we should be able to cope and hopefully with the extra meds he will start to calm down.
Sounds like the trigger for this are a bit complex and we may need to investigate what happened at the residence. Anyway first thing is to get him well enough to see reason.

Thanks for your kind words and support.

[Debbie C]

Inge,what a terrible time you are going thru and I am so sorry that no one seems to be able to get him the help he needs. Hopefully like you said the new meds will help. Did they give him something to sleep more,than maybe you can sleep and relax. I do hope you are right, that he won't come to the point to self harm or hurt you in anyway. Hopefully he will get the help he needs soon. :hug2:

[LisaT]

Hi Inge, I'm sorry you're going through such a rough time with your son. I can't imagine the stress and fear when he's feeling this way and his caregivers decide they can't care for him! I wonder if you might be able to find someone he could trust to help him at home for the time that he's there? It sounds to me as though people are passing the buck because he's having difficulties and causing them difficulty... But those very difficulties are supposed to be their specialty. I think it may be time for mama bear to start making some noise. Maybe with a few buzzwords suggestive of liability or lawsuits thrown in for good measure. If g-d forbid something happened to him or anyone else while they've basically kicked him out of a mental health facility for having, shocker, mental health issues, heads could roll. Maybe someone with the power to do something about this needs a gentle reminder of that fact. I'm sorry if you came here for empathy and I'm telling you to fight. It's my knee-jerk response to such unjust situations. I hope he feels better very soon and you can all get back to some semblance of peaceful routine knowing that he is safe and cared for somewhere other than your home. Hugs to you in the meantime. :hug1::hug1:

[Alysia]

Praying for the safety of all, especially you and your family and our weggie family in Israel. Be safe.

thank you. my family don't leave in the area that is being under attack. touch wood.
I went to vacation, to visit Phil in canada, and when I was in the airport there was rockets attack on the area of the airport, so the flight arrived in a a delay of about 3 hours. but I am safe now. Phil say Hi.

[Alysia]

Tanks DRZ Anne and Cindy. We had the Crisis team member visit last night for quite a while. They intend to come 2x a day and we can call on them more often if needed. They are putting him on very high doze meds to calm his mind hoping that will settle him enough to start to see reason. Right now he is totally non rational in his thinking and going around in circles thinking everyone has it in for him including his parents. He believes staff members are telling lies about him and how dare we believe them not him. All part of his paranoia and psychosis right now. I told the nurse who was here that he is far more ill than they are making out and she seemed to agree when she listened to him for a while however on some level he still has himself in enough control so they feel hospital is still not warranted. They don't believe he will self-harm or harm others. There is no history of physical violence, just mental aggression when he gets out of control, which can be hard to take.
Anyway with all the help we should be able to cope and hopefully with the extra meds he will start to calm down.
Sounds like the trigger for this are a bit complex and we may need to investigate what happened at the residence. Anyway first thing is to get him well enough to see reason.

Thanks for your kind words and support.

Hi Inge, I am sorry for you tough time with your son. it is heart breaking.
I worked in mental hospital for couple of years with psychotic people as a clinical psychologist. as far as it sounds weired, please check this principle which I found out to be true: in every psychosis there is little core of truth. if you find it, recognize it, declare it to your son and take responsibility for your sharein it, ti there is one, then it can reduce the psychosis. if you need more help about it you can send me pm.

[Alysia]

thanks every one for your support about my divorce. the marriage was not with love over the 15 last years and got bad the last 5 years, the last 2-3 years I was getting sick, literally, from it. the divorce was a process which was taking place for a while, and as it was getting closer, the stress was bigger. but now it is over and it is great relief.

[Alysia]

I apologize for not writing much at the forum in the last few days.
you are all in my toughts and I love you deeply. thanks again :love:

[ingemlb]

thanks Debra, Lisa and Alysia.

Debra they gave him a sleeping tablet prescription which we got for him yesterday. He took one at 9pm but I know for a fact he was still awake at least 2am in the morning so it's not doing the job. As to help the Crisis team come twice and and give him extra meds. He is quite calm and so it's easy to get on with him but it's just difficult to move his train of thought and he sees no illness but persecution :(

Lisa I have mentioned court a few times. We want to try to get him a guardian allocated which would mean a lot of red tape for anyone dealing with him but a lot more protection as people won't be able to simply evict or threaten eviction without getting the guardian's approval. However he HATES the idea of having a guardian. He wants MORE autonomy not less and he has heard from others that they lose all their freedoms once they have a guardian so when he heard us mention the word he totally freaked out. Also if we go back to the tribunal he will have to sign agreements and in his current mood it's unlikely he would agree. Also I am not sure if I am up to all this stuffing around needed to go there and get this all started again :(

Alysia what you say makes a lot of sense. Peter feels like he is being lied too. I am not disagreeing but the people doing the lying are more likely the ones he thinks are his friends. The staff are telling him the other residents are complaining about him preaching to them all the time. He says nobody told me only one resident said he didn't want me to preach to them and I stopped. If the others who are my dear friends would tell me I would stop preaching or discussing scriptures. We are all trying to explain that people who are his close friends (and not that well themselves) may not want to tell him as they may think they would offend. So he said in other words they go behind my back? Then he asked the Crisis team member do you mind if I preach to you. The chap said: I do and I don't want you to preach to me. So our son Peter said "See how easy it is. You say no and I won't preach".

Yet when I explain to him that the rules for him to return to his room are that he would avoid speaking about religion in public places so that everyone has their peace (and he likes the residence he lives in as he enjoys the peace and the fact that everyone leaves him alone) and explain also that he can go down the street and preach to whoever he likes he states dogmatically "God told me to preach to the residents in the villa and nobody can stop me. I know my rights. This country has freedom of speech and religion". but he refuses to acknowledge that the others have just as rights as he has.

So in a way he is right. His friends should simply not encourage him but tell him please stop talking religion. Maybe that would fix the situation. From what I hear from the owners of the villa the person who is his closest friend is a bit of a mischief maker and has been doing a lot of the complaining behind his back. She is an elderly lady who makes out she is a doctor but was actually a nurse. She has been very kind to our son and even cooked for him but apparently they have a lot of issues with her. She is coming to visit Peter here on Monday so will see what transpires. He claims she encourages him to discuss religion and they have lots of talks so I can understand why he refuses to believe people are complaining about him and that the staff are making it up and lying. Trouble is when he is psychotic his religious preaching gets totally out of control and can feel like persecution. So he is definitely displaying symptoms of being unwell but there are also other issues going on in the background that are contributing to this:(

But I have found another thing I can agree with him about so will try that out today. Thanks for the advice Alysia :) Glad you made it back safely and that you had a chance for a holiday!

[annekat]

Alysia, thanks for your explanations about recent events. It is understandable that you would not be on the forum much during all these changes. I'm so glad you made it out of Israel safely and are now enjoying the beautiful scenery of Canada, and Phil's company. You really needed a break and a change. I'm glad you are free of the stress of an unhappy marriage; you deserve much better. I'm also happy to hear that your family is out of harm's way in Israel, and yes, I'll touch wood to keep it that way. (In my circle, we say "knock on wood", so I'll do that, too.) I've been thinking of you a lot and love you very much, as does everyone here. I know you will keep us posted on your adventures in Canada. :cool1: And some pics, too, please!

[BookNut]

I apologize for not writing much at the forum in the last few days.
you are all in my toughts and I love you deeply. thanks again :love:

I hope your vacation time will be relaxing and will put lessen your stress. Have a terrific visit - both you and Phil! And am also glad to hear that you and your family are out of the danger zone - touch and knock on wood BIG TIME! Breathe....relax...even take a (short) break from the forum. Just check in now and again so we know you are still relaxing. You deserve every calm moment you can get!

[Alysia]

I hope your vacation time will be relaxing and will put lessen your stress. Have a terrific visit - both you and Phil! And am also glad to hear that you and your family are out of the danger zone - touch and knock on wood BIG TIME! Breathe....relax...even take a (short) break from the forum. Just check in now and again so we know you are still relaxing. You deserve every calm moment you can get!
thanks Jacquie and all the others. I love you so much :love: how can I take a break from the forum, I am the adicted one :wink1: it will just take me more time to read all the threads and post back like I usually do.
p.s. Phil is even more amazing in reality then in the internet :wub: and canada is beautiful, so wide and peaceful. I slept today like I didnt sleep in years.

[drz]

Sounds like progress. When he becomes less psychotic approach the guardian issue as a safeguard mechanism for his protection when he becomes psychotic again. Emphasize the benefits. Most guardians will also work with a person to allow as much autonomy as is feasible for their condition and honor their wishes and preferences when possible if it is in their best interests.

Delusions, especially religious ones and ones of persecution do not respond to reason but he can learn new behaviors when he is less psychotic and more amenable to suggestions. The progress and extra help should reduce your stress and make his life better too. I hope things continue to get better for both of you.