Thoughts on wills

[brettgrant99]

Newly diagnosed, I am only 42. To be honest, I really haven't given any thoughts on wills until now.

I really don't know where to start. It is one of the few things that when I start to think about it, my mind goes blank. I guess I need a will. Aren't there some form of medical wills? Can I do them? I mean do they work? I don't really have the money to pay for a lawyer right now. My life is pretty simple. I have a wife and 3 kids. The bank owns most of my home. It seems that it shouldn't be difficult. And yet I am having an issue even addressing the issue.

Oh, well. The four hours of sleep a night probably don't help :)

Brett

[windchime]

Brett everyone should have a will. It makes sorting through things easier for your family. There are do it yourself sites such as U.S. Legal Forms - 36,000 Legal Documents, Forms, Real Estate, Landlord Tenant, Name Change and more. (http://www.uslegalforms.com) and LegalZoom: Online Legal Document Services: LLC, Wills, Incorporation, Divorce & More (http://www.legalzoom.com). They have a large variety of state specific legal forms that you can fill out, pay for, and print. They are very reasonably priced. You then would need to get them notarized or witnessed.

You should also consider having a living will and an advanced directive. You can find both of these for free on the Internet just Google them. The living will appoints someone to make decisions for you if you become incapacitated and the advance directive lets your wishes be known about life support, food, water and if you're in a vegetative state. It's important to have especially if the family has a disagreement on what to do for you. Again you will pick a person to make the decisions based on your wishes. With the advance directive and living will (signed and witnessed) a copy should be given to each of your doctors plus the person that will make the decisions for you. I would also give a copy to other family members that may need them. In my case my sons will make the decisions, but I've sent a copy to my sister. You can revoke or change them at any time.

I think when we think of these things our own mortality creeps to the forefront of our minds and it's a scary thought. Having only 4 hours of sleep doesn't help either as it probably magnifies everything. I hope the above will help you. And to get you through the day,,,,,,,:hug2:

[mishb]

I was about to say the same thing as Cindy has.

My thoughts are that as soon as you have a family to provide for, then you need a will. You shouldn't be waiting until you get sick.
Any type of accident could have happened to you without being sick and it is good to know that your family will be cared for, as per your wishes.
Your wife should also have one.

Cindy has given you excellent directions and it works a little different here in Australia, so it is best to use her links.

It's all very easy and therefore - no issue

[Lilly]

Hi Brett, I was having an emotional nite last nite, and you wrote to me. Thank you. 2 others gave me support also, y'all are all so great. I'm sitting here with my mom now, sharing your thoughts on getting a will. First thing I want to say is, I have really no idea anything about your wegeners, ......is it in your kidneys? Have your docs given u any idea about your treatment besides the prednisone? (The miracle drug that has crazy side effects, as u have learned) but I want u to know something.....I was admitted to the hospital on Easter Sunday 1990 because I was so sick I could not even walk. I knew I was dying, and I was preparing my brain, heart, etc for saying goodbye to my family. But I was converged on by doctors and got the diagnosis in a week, put on 80 mgs of prednisone, and cytoxan treatment, and I was sooooo happy I did not have a death sentence, what I had was treatable!!!! That was 23 yrs ago, and they know so much more now!!! I know u r afraid, and u have a family....and there are sites that Condy told u about. I have a living will so each time I go in the hospital they know about what my decisions would b about resuscitation only if I were to b on life support. That takes a load off my family. But the kind of will u r talking about is not expensive since u have such a simple life. But my MAIN reason for writing is you are in the very beginning, and are afraid of everything, all the unknowns, etc. Even afraid of getting your wife's cold. That is totally normal, and u should take it seriously. But I am still on steroids, small dose, and I can't eat raw fish, I'm supposed to stay away from sick people, etc. but I have (over the years) realized that we need to keep on living, and u will realize that and feel more comfortable about it too. I DEFINATELY do NOT eat shellfish, but if my nephew has a cold, I don't stay away from him. I just don't kiss him and I wash my hands a LOT! I realize that now u have to b very careful until u get a hold on things, and learn more about this dz, and how it is effecting u personally. U will b getting used to all the doctors, and that's hard at first. But as time goes by, and you have your ups and downs, physically and mentally, you will grow stronger in many ways. And I know u already know this, but your wife is prob just as afraid as u r. My husband stood by me for 20 years. And so it's good for her to know exactly what's going on with ur dz, because u both need to stay togather on your progress, so she can support u, and she doesn't feel left out. That is strictly my opinion.......but having her for support will really be great for u, I think. I guess I just wanted u to know that others have survived this dz longer than me....and you are fortunate to have the more advanced treatments...:) I know ur mind is reeling from the prednisone and I know that's tough. So just know that it's gonna get better! :)

[Alysia]

Hi.
scary title. scary issue if we think about it seriously :w00t:
I cant relate to the legal perspective. and it is prob different at different countries.
the only "will" I "did" so far was to tell my family not to keep me alive if I will be without consciousness, and what song I want them to read at my funeral. a song that tell about a woman, after her death, and how free she became by it.

[Alysia]

http://th09.deviantart.net/fs70/200H/f/2013/153/8/c/how_are_you_so_calm_with_only_one_life_left_by_sop hieecamilleri-d67jae8.jpg

[pberggren1]

I have been thinking lately about a will as well. And nowadays with the living will stuff and health care directives I think I should start to work on this. I know I don't want to be killed off if I am in a coma or something like that. I don't have much at all to leave to anyone. Mostly just books and clothes. I would donate my processors to the Cochlear Implant Program in my province. That is about all I have. Everything else like my computer and such and other little things mom and dad would get and my brothers too. And of course over time the will would change because people die and our feelings change about who gets what or some stuff we sell off, etc.

[brettgrant99]

Hi Brett, I was having an emotional nite last nite, and you wrote to me. Thank you. 2 others gave me support also, y'all are all so great. I'm sitting here with my mom now, sharing your thoughts on getting a will. First thing I want to say is, I have really no idea anything about your wegeners, ......is it in your kidneys? Have your docs given u any idea about your treatment besides the prednisone? (The miracle drug that has crazy side effects, as u have learned) but I want u to know something.....I was admitted to the hospital on Easter Sunday 1990 because I was so sick I could not even walk. I knew I was dying, and I was preparing my brain, heart, etc for saying goodbye to my family. But I was converged on by doctors and got the diagnosis in a week, put on 80 mgs of prednisone, and cytoxan treatment, and I was sooooo happy I did not have a death sentence, what I had was treatable!!!! That was 23 yrs ago, and they know so much more now!!! I know u r afraid, and u have a family....and there are sites that Condy told u about. I have a living will so each time I go in the hospital they know about what my decisions would b about resuscitation only if I were to b on life support. That takes a load off my family. But the kind of will u r talking about is not expensive since u have such a simple life. But my MAIN reason for writing is you are in the very beginning, and are afraid of everything, all the unknowns, etc. Even afraid of getting your wife's cold. That is totally normal, and u should take it seriously. But I am still on steroids, small dose, and I can't eat raw fish, I'm supposed to stay away from sick people, etc. but I have (over the years) realized that we need to keep on living, and u will realize that and feel more comfortable about it too. I DEFINATELY do NOT eat shellfish, but if my nephew has a cold, I don't stay away from him. I just don't kiss him and I wash my hands a LOT! I realize that now u have to b very careful until u get a hold on things, and learn more about this dz, and how it is effecting u personally. U will b getting used to all the doctors, and that's hard at first. But as time goes by, and you have your ups and downs, physically and mentally, you will grow stronger in many ways. And I know u already know this, but your wife is prob just as afraid as u r. My husband stood by me for 20 years. And so it's good for her to know exactly what's going on with ur dz, because u both need to stay togather on your progress, so she can support u, and she doesn't feel left out. That is strictly my opinion.......but having her for support will really be great for u, I think. I guess I just wanted u to know that others have survived this dz longer than me....and you are fortunate to have the more advanced treatments...:) I know ur mind is reeling from the prednisone and I know that's tough. So just know that it's gonna get better! :)

Thanks for your response :)

Right now I have orders for a 4 week infusion of Rituxan. I am just waiting for the local cancer center to schedule it. They got the order on Friday, so I am hoping that they will schedule it on Monday. They told me they are taking about a week, so hopefully in the next 10 days or so I will be infusing. :)

Thanks for all of your thoughts :thumbsup:

[vdub]

I was going to say the same thing as Lily -- ya ain't go'n die, guy... Well, not real soon anyway. I think it's an evil plot -- they want us to live a less-than-sterling life for a while so we can appreciate what we used to have. But, the bottom line is that you will most likely live a long time.

That having been said, whether you have wegs or not, you need a will -- sort of. If you have anything that you want for sure to go to someone other than your wife, then that needs to be stated. If, on the other hand, you want everything you own to go to your wife, then, in the absence of a will, your assets will be transfered "BY LAW". Which means the state laws will dictate where things go -- typically to the closest next of kin (your wife). If the wife preceded your death, then "BY LAW" would send everything to your kids.

If you do not have much in the way of assets, I.e., real estate in downtown San Francisco, a 5,000 shares of Google, 46' yacht in the harbor, or a Ferrari in the garage, then you would be adequately protected by the laws of the state.

If you simply scratch your desires on a paper sack, date it, and have your sig notarized, then that is a will. You don't need the wheretofores and heretofores, etc. Write in plain English, print it, go to the bank and have it notarized. Unless you have land or something of real value, then you don't need to spend a whole lot of money on an attorney.

You do need a living will for how you want to be treated on your near-death bed. Most hospitals have a simple form that you can fill out and sign, so check with any hospital and they will give you the right forms. The trick is have your signed form available for your wife when the time comes for when she needs to use it. She (and your kids) need to where the form is. Even if they know what you want, the hospitals can not act if they don't have the proper forms signed by you.

But the bottom line is you aren't dying any time soon. Some days you'll probably wish you were, but most of the time it's not bad and you will likely live a long time.

[mishb]

In Australia the Government Trustees make the decision on who gets your assets when you have died, if no will is in existence.
Normally this will be to your spouse/next of kin.
They need to wait for any petitions to come through from other parties ie. ex partners, brothers, sisters etc, who feel that they also have a right to your assets.
This can take a while and your spouse/next of kin may not have funds for some time.

A will changes all of this and your assets automatically go to the person/s named in your will and the Government Trustees don't need to step in.

I guess this is probably also the case with your State Laws in regards to the extended waiting periods without a will.

I am still of the opinion that a legal will is required to keep everything simple.....whether you are sick or not.

[windchime]

In Australia the Government Trustees make the decision on who gets your assets when you have died, if no will is in existence.
Normally this will be to your spouse/next of kin.
They need to wait for any petitions to come through from other parties ie. ex partners, brothers, sisters etc, who feel that they also have a right to your assets.
This can take a while and your spouse/next of kin may not have funds for some time.

A will changes all of this and your assets automatically go to the person/s named in your will and the Government Trustees don't need to step in.

I guess this is probably also the case with your State Laws in regards to the extended waiting periods without a will.

I am still of the opinion that a legal will is required to keep everything simple.....whether you are sick or not.

Yes we have probate court here and if you die intestate (without a will) your estate small or large has to go through probate. It is much neater and easier for your next of kin to have a will even a simple one. No need to spend a lot of money.

And I agree with everyone else, you aren't going anywhere yet. This disease makes us think of our own mortality at a lot younger age than we probably would have sans the disease. It will put your mind at ease if you have everything in place for them.

[Randy]

Excellent thoughts by everyone who has replied to this. Yes, you need a will, even if you don't have much. I had a terrible time sitting down and writing out a will. I spent weeks doing it. No one likes to think about death, even though we all know it will happen to us one day. A will is important even if you are not sick, but more so if you are. If you don't have much, you don't need to go to a lawyer or even a notary public. Where I live, (BC in Canada) if you write down your requests on a piece of paper, date and sign it, it is considered a legal will when you die. Check into what the requirements are in your State, it's probably very similar.

[JeanMarie]

Hmmm--I'm thinking --children make things a little different---like (heaven forbid) both parents are lost in an accident who takes care of the kids. Not a decision you want to leave to chance or the state. All parents need a will. Just my thoughts :confused1:

[brettgrant99]

Thanks for the ideas. It turned slightly morbid there for a minute, but that is understandable. All of this is new to me, but actually I am in really high spirits 90% of the time. My wife and I just celebrated 20 years together. I don't see why we won't get another 20 at least :)

It turns out that with my company's optional life insurance, it includes basic Will and Power of Attorney and Living Well through Legal Services for free, so I made an appointment with a Lawyer today. It doesn't include Trusts, but I don't think that my situation is that complicated. Gotta read the fine print.

Brett

[Ravindran]

Brett,
I became a Wegan in 1989 just after crossing 40 years. There was a time when i too had my doubts, what with doctors being clueless and me becoming a guinea pig in the process. But thanks to the tremendous support from my wife & family and a few wonderful doctors, i pulled thru'. So here i am, live and kicking at 65, and into some serious recreational long distance running as well.

But it is important to complete some responsibilities when you are in sound health like writing out your legal and living wills, which i did. It's only fair that our famillies have a clear idea of what to do when our time comes-up. I have pledged all my organs and my body.

Here's wishing you and your wife a long life together. So just whack away your morbid thoughts, knowing that there are people before you who had such trying times earlier and still doing well :smile1:

Ravindran

[mishb]

Hi Ravindran and welcome.

You are one of our veterans Weggies and we would love to hear your full story, when you have some time.....which you can post in the members introductions section.
Thankyou for sharing with Brett today.

[Ravindran]

Hi Ravindran and welcome.

You are one of our veterans Weggies and we would love to hear your full story, when you have some time.....which you can post in the members introductions section.
Thankyou for sharing with Brett today.

Yes, i will. Please give me a week. I am running the Mumbai half marathon this week-end.
Ravindran

[mishb]

Wow, good for you :thumbsup:

[drz]

I remember the hassle and concerns when I was first diagnosed. I asked my daughter to take over for me and she got all the paper work done for me to sign. A power of attorney is very important so they can take care of things like paying your bills and signing releases when you are no longer able to do so. I remember the hassle of getting the will signed just before I went into a drug induced coma. The last minute rush job was expensive and not the way to do things but it gave me and my family peace of mind. It was also crucial to my survival to have a health care director clearly spelled out for the medical staff so there was no delay in making decisions or uncertainty about what they could do. In USA all medical care places seem to have such forms and routinely ask if you have one on file.

[andrew]

Very interesting and thought-provoking thread for me. I have a Will but the idea of an Advanced Care Directive (ACD) hadn't crossed my mind. I had a quick read of what I could find. Seems that legislation covering ACDs in Australia only exists in a few states and is only binding within that state. Judging by the article I found, even then they may not be specific enough.

Advance Care Directives - CHOICE (http://www.choice.com.au/reviews-and-tests/money/shopping-and-legal/legal/advance-care-directives.aspx)

[Alysia]

I have been thinking lately about a will as well. And nowadays with the living will stuff and health care directives I think I should start to work on this. I know I don't want to be killed off if I am in a coma or something like that. I don't have much at all to leave to anyone. Mostly just books and clothes. I would donate my processors to the Cochlear Implant Program in my province. That is about all I have. Everything else like my computer and such and other little things mom and dad would get and my brothers too. And of course over time the will would change because people die and our feelings change about who gets what or some stuff we sell off, etc.

who knew that it will come so fast..... tears....
Phil's parents donated his processors to the Cochlear Implant Program, to someone who can't afford to buy them. it seems so strange to me that someone else is going with my sweetie's ears now, they were so much a part of him.... but I am glad that he is able to continue to help like he loved so much...
I got 3 books and his computer. I am typing from it now.
and I got his sweet love which is priceless and eternal, heavenly treasure.

https://scontent-cdg.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xpf1/v/t1.0-9/10943108_1589342381277906_185365245551248462_n.jpg ?oh=fff20d3ecef62bc79d95194e50d47a5c&oe=559F8C57