Anyone want to listen to me grump...? :D

[carriej22]

So.

SO.

I am very irate. Today is just not my day, really. It hasn't been my week to be honest, or my year, or anything really.

A bit of background story here - as most of you know last summer I was diagnosed. It's been a battle, one lung infection in the fall that sent me for a hospital stay, one reaction to MTX that sent me for another hospital stay, and you all know how bad in general this disease sucks.

Regardless, I scraped myself off the sidewalk and tried again. Here we go, round two. I started going back to work, feeling a bit better, I wanted to make myself feel better so I planted a garden this year and did things I don't normally do.

Then this summer, doodoo really hit the fan when I lost one of my furkids, Freeman on June 4. Then, as if that wasn't bad enough, while I was still mourning and moping for Freeman my other greyhound gets sick... With the same thing. I hate cancer. So, on August 27th we lost our second and last furdog Kowalla also to cancer in a different spot. Greyhound life spans are about 12-14 years, 10-12 years on the low scale.. Freeman was barely 8, and Kowalla was 7.

You could imagine at this point what my mental state is like.


I got really angry, really upset and I spent all summer bawling my eyes out. I think my eyes are permanently purple around the edges now. I feel like nothing is going my way, and I have fought tooth and nail for this. I didn't just roll over and give up, it didn't matter what happen I kept going, probably driving myself crazy at points but I kept going.

A job sort of fell into my lap; not the kind of job I would ever consider doing before but I got it so I will do it. It's essentially selling RESPs (education funds), I do it from home and then I go to people's houses and explain the plan with them, etc. On average, I think I will need to visit about 4 families per week. I honestly didn't think this was going to be that bad. The commission is good, so it would be a good financial help.

Well.

My doctor just about thinks I've essentially signed my own death certificate. He totally lost it, thinks I am nuts for wanting to go into other people's houses and "expose" myself. My god, I visit friends and family now? He's the one always saying he wants me to live a regular life. I didn't think it was going to be TOO big of a deal; but he seems to think I am crazy.

God it's not like I'm going to lick the people or sleep in their beds with them. I'm going to sit at their kitchen table and I won't even be touching them. Might exchange some paper/pens. I can't see how it's any more dangerous than going to a mall, or even going to the hospital or all those other things I do where there is people.

I really thought it was going to be "the answer" and that while I'll probably work my guts out between working at the salon, all the volunteer crap I do, running a house and now selling RESPs, I thought it might make me feel better. A tired, successful person is still a happy person.

Anyway.. I just thought I would rant. I've just about had it; my patience and everything else is running thin. I screamed at my husband because he was fumbling with stuff on the counter making noise and it annoyed me. Scared the pants off him, nearly. I am having a hard time focusing, I'm never really "with it" and I'm trying to train for the exam I have to write for my new job and nothing is sinking in... I can't concentrate... Grrr

:hmph:

[NikkiNicole]

Vent away, my dear. Vent away!!! Sometimes, we just need to do it. I know I find myself just needing to unload on a daily basis.
What medication are you currently on? I work in a dispatch center, essentially sharing a keyboard and desks and phones with all my co-workers. My doc has me just being very diligent in my handwashing, sanitizing and wiping everything down with my very own antibacterial wipes vs handling the container everyone uses.
I would think if you were extreeeeemly careful, washing your hands, not touching their hands if you don't know how clean they are, that it would be OK. Then again, I'm not near as bad off as everyone here so ... some doctors are probably a lot stricter than mine.
I know things are rough. I think we all here can sympathize. My heart breaks for you about your dogs. I cried when I saw it on your Facebook page because I would be absolutely devastated to lose any of my furbabies. I dread that like crazy since my 1yr old Corgi is practically my therapy dog. He is at my side 24/7 when I am in the house. Know in your heart that your babies were loved completely and went over the rainbow bridge knowing they were loved beyond measure. They will always be in your heart.
I know everyone says "hang in there!" or "It will get better!" but they don't understand our situation. Stay strong, vent to us whenever you need it. We are all here for you.

[drz]

Good grump girl. Maybe tomorrow will be better, hope, hope.

[Wegetarian]

I actually had no idea what you were gonna do. Maybe its a language / cultural thing. Looked up Grump from urban dictionary and I have to say I'm glad it wasn't the first option...

Urban Dictionary: grump (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=grump)

Was hoping it would be something like this, but then again you said "listen"...

crump battle - YouTube (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NhhXyBCnZ_M)

[carriej22]

Hahahaha! Hilarious! I think maybe one of those might be more exciting than me complaining LOL

We use an expression "grumping and growling" and it means being cranky. We use the word grump a lot here... If someone is grumping, or being a grump, as in grumpy lol.

[Alysia]

Hi Carrie,
I like your writing, whatever you call it...
my heart is going out to you, it is so painfull to lose your fur-friends :hug2:
I am also working with people, they are coming to my office. sometimes they are sick or having a flu, etc.
(I am clinical psychologist, my patients don't know about my wg. this is why I don't have facebook on my real name, they shouldn't know).
I allways keep the window near me open.
I suugest that when you ask them to meet, tell them to "refresh" the room, to keep windows open, and ask if there is anyone sick at home. if there is, give them another time for meeting.
good luck !

[mishb]

(this is why I don't have facebook on my real name, they shouldn't know).


......and here I was thinking - no wonder she got WG, with a surname like Weggie. It was bound to happen :flapper::lol::lol:

[mishb]

Carrie, I too have been saddened by the loss of two of your babies.

Alysia gives some sound advice, however I'm not sure if I could ask a question like that - before actually going to seem them.

I think that I am of the same opinion as your doctor (sorry).....it's the way I also feel.

Only this week, I was given the opportunity with my job, to get out of the office and add some Interstate Travel to my job description......seeing Insurance Brokers and going to Conferences/Conventions etc. Getting to meet the people that I speak to, or email, on a daily basis at work (putting a face to the name)
- I turned them down.
I was thinking of myself first (which for me is extremely unusual). I don't want to be shaking peoples hands and making small talk at close contact with these people or being in the middle of a convention with 100's of people.....I'm happy to be sitting at my desk in my office and running things from there - I have done it from there for the past 23 years, without the need to see them.

But I am not you.
You are amazing and strong, young and capable - and I do think that you could do it.
4 homes a week isn't so bad. I think if you really want this job, and you think it is something that you can sell and make a good commission, then you should do it - or at least, give it a try.
What does hubby think?

[Alysia]

......and here I was thinking - no wonder she got WG, with a surname like Weggie. It was bound to happen :flapper::lol::lol:

:lol: "alysia weggie" is my "pen name"... but my avatar here is me and also the pic in the profile... my true name, in hebrew, means something like waves, there isn't similar in english.

[carriej22]

Thanks guys.

Hubby is more reactive than proactive. He is not like me, and does not speculate about the "what-ifs" or things like that. I also got sick twice this winter (sinus -coughing, etc) and recovered with no issue, not even requiring me to leave the house to visit a doctor. So hubby at this point feels as though the whole "don't get sick thing" is a bit unrealistic and while he knows the risk of infection; he feels as though a person needs to live too.

He said to me "If you get sick then don't do it". He would really like me to try, mostly because if it works I would be making good money, and it would be for relatively little effort (to a regular person). The bulk of my work (while I won't be paid for it) will be talking to potential clients on the phone. Then, I would set up appointments to meet. The most I would ever be in these people's house is an hour. However, I am aiming for it to be about half that - and a girl tells me that she does it in 20 minutes.

I mean, sometimes I think I get so hyperactive about viruses. However when we think about it; they are EVERYWHERE. On everything. Even in our house; food from the grocery store, on everything we bring into our house. I think sometimes we just need to take some precautions but in reality; some things (such as getting sick) are unavoidable and just happen sometimes.

That being said; I am hoping if someone is very sick (vomiting) that they cancel. I am assuming they would - not too sure I know too many people who would want others around if they are vomiting lol. I don't do well with puke!

[Wegetarian]

Quoting the wise Homer J. Simpson: "If you don't try, you can't fail".

Well actually I'm not sure if I agree with that.. I don't really even see whats the big issue really. Maybe you can call them the day of the visit and try to hear if they are having the sniffles and suggest you re-schedule until they feel better if they don't sound well. TBH I'm a lot more worried about using say public computers or pressing elevator buttons which I know are covered in germs than talking to random people. then again I don't know anything about contiguous diseases so take what I say with a mountain of salt :)

[pberggren1]

I'd like to meet your doc some day Carrie. Sounds like he is the one that need the serious help. I would not listen to him to be honest. Just take all the precautions you can. Bring masks, sanitizer, wipes, etc....

[mishb]

I'd like to meet your doc some day Carrie. Sounds like he is the one that need the serious help. I would not listen to him to be honest. Just take all the precautions you can. Bring masks, sanitizer, wipes, etc....

You can't go in there with a mask and wipes etc.......that's crazy. :razz:
I would not buy from someone who came in with a mask on and was carrying wipes - because they thought I was germy.

We had this vaccuum cleaner salesperson come into our home once and proceeded to show us how filthy our floor rug was. Mind you, my husband is a commercial cleaner and only invited this person in to see what they said.
This person then proceeded to ask is she could wash her hands because she felt ill at the thought of our rug and then proceeded to put gloves on.
She then went on about how many germs and bacteria were in our rug and she couldn't even think to imagine what our bed/mattress must be like.
- she got the short shift, straight out of the house and then we proceeded to make a call to her Company.

No, I think, Carrie, that you should just play it by ear. Work until you can no longer work. Sit far enough away from the person, that it wont matter and then when you get home - do as I do after I get off a train each day.......do a sinus rinse, wash your hands and face and gargle with some mouthwash - it's kept me good.

[marylz]

Carrie, I'm always available to grump to. That's one of the reasons we are here. It sounds like your doc overreacted to me.

[marylz]

urban dictionary...Too funny...made me laugh out loud ( I mean,,,LOL!!)

[Debbie C]

Carrie,first of all sorry to hear about you losing your other dog,I really know how hard it is :hug2: Second thing is, I ( before I got sick )would go to peoples homes to sell water purifiers. And any more I would be more worried about what kind of person you are going to meet ( nuts ) rather than if they are sick or not. I don't think that is the greatest thing to do,,you just don't know what you would be walking into, even if you talked to them on the phone.

[NikkiNicole]

Debra brings up an excellent point. Speaking from the law enforcement standpoint because that's kind of my area of expertise ... you should always be prepared. There are some crazy folks out there, and you're a pretty girl. However, we can't live in a box. Make sure someone knows where you're going that day ... bring your Purell, if you shake hands, don't touch your face and purell as soon as you can when you leave. Then they won't see you doing it and offend them.
A lot of people don't like to shake hands anymore ... you could get lucky!

[annekat]

Carrie, I think you will be OK if you take precautions, keep lots of hand sanitizer around, and do whatever you did pre-Wegs to avoid catching things from other people, but with a little extra caution thrown it. If you were, say, a transplant recipient, it would be the same. You need to move on with your life and take advantage of opportunities presented. Congrats on getting the job, even if it is not the most ideal one you would have imagined. Something better may come along someday, but in the meantime, this sounds tolerable for you, and it's great that a lot of the work will be done at home. I wouldn't worry too much. And yes, people who are really sick will probably cancel.

[HopeinTN]

Sorry about your fur babies. I can't even imagine. My pup is almost 13 and we had a scare a couple of weeks ago, but he's much better. He lost an eye, but he's doing great. We get so attached to them and losing them hurts so bad. I just keep saying to myself that having them in our lives for a short time is better than never having them at.

In all honesty, I think they love us even more! :)

[gilders]

Hi Carrie,
I don't think the risk of picking up an infection is going to be any greater for visiting other people's homes than most other jobs. I was working in a supermarket for a long time after I was diagnosed with WG. I couldn't have come in to contact with more people if I had have tried. Admittedly, most of my life since I was diagnosed I've felt unwell, but I don't think it's down to picking up lot's of germs, just the lasting effects of WG.

I would be more concerned about you going in strangers houses by yourself, rather than the germ issue.

Except for working from home, I think it's good choice to limit your chances of picking up an illness.

I'm also truly sorry about your dogs. One of my dogs has gone through so much health wise and is back for more surgery next Wednesday.

[carriej22]

Thanks guys about the dogs, it's been tough.

I have decided, for about 10 different reasons (about 25% which is health related) to just not take the job. The amount of stress I was having was unreal, and my husband said "just don't do it". So, I called and told them that I was no longer interested in the position and while I was initially looking forward to working with the company, decided to go another route. I don't think I have ever felt so relieved. It was too much responsibility for me, and the "bad" started really outweighing the good - regardless of whether it was bad for my health or not.

So now, it's more hours at the salon... I really love being there. I worked a few days in a row this week, so that's progress! I'm excited about it and I feel good about what I'm doing. I'm also trying a new medication for all the intestinal issues I've been having (some of you know about this) and IT'S WORKING. My stomach is no longer gurgling angrily constantly and I feel like I have more freedom. I am also able to work longer shifts, because before I would NOT eat at work... If I did I would be in so much pain I could not work. Now I can take lunch to work with me, so I don't feel so drained from working 6-8 hours straight out without eating anything all day.

PLUS... We are getting a greyhound foster on October 5! Excitement!

Things look like they are finally, finaaalllllyyy turning around even just a little bit.

Here's to hoping.

Maybe I will win the lotto too. Too much? lol

[annekat]

Aha! You hinted at a surprise on Facebook and I wondered if it might be a dog, but I didn't want to mention dogs at that moment. I'm happy for you, and a foster is good, since you've done that before and dealt with it well, and won't have the long term commitment to vet bills and stuff.

Also, I'm glad you are happy with your decision about the job and about putting in more hours at the salon instead. I'll bet you are very good at what you do there.

[carriej22]

Yes I used to do very well at the salon, before I got sick. Then I just couldn't drag my behind there and be there enough to make enough money, but now I think I can do it more.

And the doggie might stay... lol... We have two weeks to decide if we want to keep it. If not it will go up for adoption, but we MIGHT keep it... We just miss our pooches, and the extra money in our wallet doesn't mean a whole lot to us if we are bored and miserable because we miss having a dog around ;)