Scared..

[Elena]

I can't sleep. I'm scared and worrying, and I'm just having one of those nights..
I just want my life to go smooth for a while. I'm moving out in a few months, trying to find a job and have a lot of exams and stuff coming up. But I've been having a sore throat for a while now, a bit on and off really. And now these past days I've been starting to worry that my tracheal stenosis is becoming worse again. I just can't take any more of that right now. There's so much happening in my life and I want to be as healthy as I can be, as I've been this past two months, for it. And I don't know if I can cope if I get sick this fall, when I start studying in the university and I have to work as well.. And I don't want to tell my boyfriend about this until I'm certain I'm getting worse, I don't want him scared as I am.. And I'm scared to tell the docs as well, I don't want to go to the hospital again right now.. I might even be imagining getting worse.. It seems to good to be true that I'm doing this good. Its been two months since my dilation, and just one month since they said everything looked good. But I think I'm starting to cough more and more, and a little more out of breath than just a couple of weeks ago..

Sorry for this "hard to make sense out of"-post. I just had to rant a bit.. Thank you for being there.

[pberggren1]

I can certainly understand your fears Elena. But if it were me I think I would see my doc ASAP and get blood work done to see what ESR, CRP and WCC are.

[Sangye]

Elena, I agree with Phil that it's a good idea to check with your doctor. Try to get the facts (ie is your stenosis worse or not) and then go from there. Most of our anxiety happens when we're thinking of what if's. Hang in there!

[drz]

Murphy's law seems to apply to Wegener's and usually at the most inconvenient times. It may be that our worrying about what might happens, increases the odds it will happen. Likewise, if you are carrying an umbrella it seldom seems to rain. Therefore, if you prepare to handle the worst things, you probably won't have to actually do it. The uncertainty of Wegs is one of the most difficult things. The best way to help reduce our anxiety is to have close monitoring of your health and keep your doctors well informed about any changes in your health. Usually early treatment means less complications and quicker recovery. Sleepless nights are often due to prednisone and other meds we take. It is probably best at these times to get up and find some boring distracting task to do till you are tired enough to go back to sleep.

Hope things continue to go well for you.
Best wishes for success in your studies and work.

[chrisTIn@]

.. if you are carrying an umbrella it seldom seems to rain..

I like the way that drz described the problem of 'dealing with uncertainty'!
That's the biggist issue for all of us Weggies!

I understand you're going through a challenging time, Elena.
I sure hope you exams and everything go wel.
Taking the time to call your doctor might be a good idea to ease your mind.
Good luck to you, and keep us posted!

[NicShaf]

Elena,
I understand your fears, but you really should talk to your docs if you think something may be wrong. It would be better to see them and put your mind at ease rather than have more sleepless nights and possibly get worse. Hang in there.

[Psyborg]

Also think of it this way. If you have a slight problem and take care of it sooner it may resolve quickly, whereas if you wait and it gets bad you may have a more serious visit to the doctor instead. Better to take care of things earlier.

I can totally see that you have this as a very rough age. I couldn't even figure out what I wanted to do with my life at your age, you have my sympathy dealing with normal stuff and wegs.

[elephant]

Go for it, talk to the docotr and get answers. You will feel better in the end.

[Elena]

Thank you all for your sympathies and advice. I "finally" came down with a big cold the day after I wrote all of this. So I'm pretty sure the sore throat and me feeling a little more out of breath was just the pre-state of my cold. So I hope this means I'll finally get rid of it once my cold disappears. It was really strange though, I've been worrying about this for a little while and when I suddenly break-down and tell you guys and my family about it, I finally get the cold I've been hoping for. I mean, I was hoping all along I was just getting a cold and not something worse.

I got my blood works done last wednesday and got the results on monday. My ESR was 20, which is normal for me, and my wcc was a little high, 16.2, but not so high that I think it's something to worry about?

I'm planning to wait and see how I'm doing after I get rid of my cold. If I still feel short of breath then, or get any other symptoms (like a fever), I will contact my docs.